In the Shadows 9:35 PM

I think I have the dubious honor of collecting the most paranormal experiences of any of the Smartinis. At the time I wrote that post, I was still living in the house on Grace Street, and I couldn't quite recount the things that happened in that house. It made them too real, and I figured if I didn't say them, then I could dismiss them. I certainly didn't have the same number of encounters that I had in college, but I did have some...including one story I've never told...until now.

When you came into the house at Grace Street, you were in a small, open foyer with an apartment on your left and right. The house, built in 1818, was converted into these apartment units in the 1920s. Past the apartment on the right was the beginning of the staircase - just four steps to a landing and then a full pivot to go up the next flight of 8 or 9 steps. And then another landing, another pivot, another 4 or 5 steps to the second story landing. My apartment door was on the left.

The staircase went up the core of the house, so there were no windows. It was painted this horrible mauve color and lit with a few wall sconces. I remember that it was dark outside - late in the day in the wintertime - and so the hallway was extraordinarily dark. I was unlocking my door when I saw movement out of the corner of my left eye. I turned and saw on the far wall a shadow. And not just any shadow.

I saw the fully formed shadow of a woman...her silhouette was turned forward at first as though she was on the landing below me facing the wall, and then it turned to the side and started bobbing down the stairs. I could that the dress she wore must have had a fitted bodice and then a full skirt. And she wore a mob cap and her hair was curled. She moved swiftly and silently down the stairs until she was swallowed in the shadow of the landing. She made no sound - no whispers, no sound of swishing skirts or boot heels on the wooden stairs.

And all of that - thought it stopped my heart and raised the hair on my neck - probably happened in about 5 seconds. The blink of an eye. And then she was gone.

I saw her just that one time, but I remember it so clearly - I can still see that shadow on the wall. And after that, I wondered if the strange shadow that seemed to block the light in the kitchen when I had my back to it and briefly cease the reflection of the pendulum in the glass cabinets over head...wasn't the lady in the staircase. Because the kitchen was the only room in the house that ever scared me and that ever made me feel - in those eerie, shadowy moments - like maybe I wasn't alone.

Happy Halloween, my lovelies....

A Definite Chill in the Otherwise Warm Springtime Air 3:15 PM

When M came to visit Pen in the spring of 2003, she insisted on doing all sorts of crazy “tourist” things to see and learn about this historic little North Carolina town, like taking the trolley tour while Pen went to work, and then dragging Pen along to this wacky museum that is solely devoted to snakes. But this story, alas, is not about the Serpentarium. One evening, they meandered downtown to take part in the local Ghost Walk, the very idea of which creeped Pen out. While waiting down by the river, they gazed into a tattoo and piercings shop, Pen briefly pondering the acquisition of an eyebrow ring. Luckily for her mother, it did not happen. Also, they happened to see Dawson (of the Creek), who was filming that evening and accosted by several young teeny-bopper types for autographs. I wondered, Couldn’t we do the Wilmywood Tour instead? No, no we could not.

Our tour guide eventually arrived, a middle-aged woman wearing black and gray, hair pulled back into a tight bun, and carrying a lantern. The group that night was a small one, and together we traipsed from haunted place to haunted place, all within a five-block or so radius, and all entirely too close to my apartment at the time. This place is just haunted, y’all.

We stopped by a haunted bar, a waterfront restaurant, an alleyway next to another bar, learning from our most excellent guide of all the spirits within, and then moved on to a few downtown houses. Things began to get especially creepy standing in front of a house where a ghost was known to be spotted in one of the darkened, third-floor windows. Did anyone see movement? Did anyone not? We couldn’t be entirely sure. In another house, the ghost of a woman who died in childbirth haunted the house to look after her own baby, and now allegedly looks after the children of others. Then, a graveyard, haunted by the ghost of a man buried alive. We were so close to my apartment by then, couldn’t we have just broken off from the group and ran home like bats out of hell? No, no we could not.

We then arrived at Gallows Hill. An empty lot next to a big house that had been converted into an office building for an architect’s firm. Why was it called Gallows Hill? Because back in the day, lots and lots of people were hanged there. And lots of people, without family or friends living in the area, were buried on site. Some of these people apparently had unfinished business. None of the ghosts in the house have been documented as mean, per se, but they are definitely present. Mirrors frost over on hot summer days, and a window upstairs is often spotted with the word “HELP” written in the same sort of ice on the glass. Certain smells with seemingly no source have been noted in the house: pipe tobacco and baking bread. Furniture moves from one spot to the other. A girl staying in the house once upon a time felt a ghost’s fingers running through her hair. In response to the site and the tour guide’s story, Ghost Tour walkers have been known to experience chills, a strong feeling of unease, or even sickness. Babies have cried, women have vomited into the azalea bushes upon stepping onto the property.

As for M and I, we were of course sufficiently creeped out by the stories, and me particularly creeped out thinking the my apartment was no less than two blocks from these premises. Then M remembered her earlier trolley tour, which passed by the site, and the hair on the back of her neck had stood up—just before the trolley tour guide had announced they were on “Hangman’s Hill.” There was something about this place, for sure. We were cold, and there was the prevailing sense as our tour guide continued to speak that we just needed to leave. Which of course we did not.

Well eventually, yes, we moved on again with the tour, which ended shortly thereafter, and made our way back home, thoroughly spooked by our surroundings, which we now knew all too much about. Clearly, being five years ago, I need to take this tour again and offer a follow-up report. Do you dare me?

Happy Halloween!

WTFriday: Randomness 1:35 PM

GIRLS!

This is a completely random WTFriday list of various WTF events (and some not so WTF) as of late:

* First and foremost, I have problems with my internets. Like serious, haven't been connected at home for about a week, problems. I KNOW! This would explain my MIA-ness from here at the bar and all of your lovely blogs. It should be fixed soon (I hope!).

* Speaking of MIA, I have no idea where in the world barmaids Tempe and Ashley have made off to. At first I thought they might have worked themselves into a drunken stupor, but I don't think so, since this would be a bender like no other! Where are you, co-workers?

* It's Halloween and seeing as I am in a far away land from where I was raised, people pronounce the word different than I do. To me, it's HALloween. To them it's HALLoween. Which way do you say it?

* The lovely Bj from Don't Over Think It bestowed a Brilliance Blog award on us earlier this week. Yay! Thanks, Bj!

* As I peeked over at DOTI, I see that Bj has posted a photo of herself with two of our other readers, Sheila and Racie. Can I just say, DAMN, LADIES! Lookin' Good! (Sheila, Bj, Racie)

* And then, then I received a prize in the mail from Bj! How lucky can I get?! A while back I went over to DOTI and submitted a limerick in her contest. And look what I got in return!

* Holy moly, y'all. Do you remember when I told you that you should be reading Miss Thystle? Because she's so funny and gives gratuitous cleavage shots? Yeah. If you haven't been reading, then you missed Miss Thystle's Tide Pen blogmercial, featuring The Girls:

You have GOT to love a woman who isn't afraid to post pics like this! (There's another one, too, shot from above. Wowza! And I say that not in a gayelle* way.) *Gayelle is a word that I had never heard until the fabulous Lorrie used it, and I instantly loved it. Did I love it in a gayelle way? I don't know.

* And I think that's it! Happy Halloween, Y'all!

"I didn't squeeze your hand." 8:44 PM

It is August 2002. J and I are in Edinburgh, Scotland for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The Fringe Festival is sort of an independent, "underground" arts festival that originated as an alternative to the "official" Edinburgh International Festival - with fancy-schmancy dancing, plays, and music for the upper eschelon.

At the Fringe Festival, you can go to a million and one 50-75 min productions. You can see everything from stand-up comedy, to one-act plays, to musical acts, to random street theatre. The week that we are there is the "pre-festival" week which means that many of the acts are half price, occasionally free. Thus, even though we must adhere to a strict backpacker's budget, we can still see loads of stuff.

Naturally, everything we want to see is always clear across the city from the thing we are currently viewing. I'm not joking. The number of times we criss-cross the city center must have made world records of some sort.

One night, in addition to our full slate of productions, we decide to tour a little bit of the city as well. Only this time, we are going underground.

That's right. Back in the day, at some point, a portion of the city was underground. They call it the Vaults. Originally it was meant as a storage area for local businesses. Before long, however, the underground facilities became slum housing for the poor, lasting for decades. The vaults are damp, dark, and more than a little bit creepy.

Our tour begins outside one of the vault entryways where we meet our guide and the approximately 12 other people along for the ride. We learn a bit of history, none of which I retain because all I want to do is get inside and see this thing already. Pretty soon, I get my wish.

It is still light outside as we make our way into the tunnel leading toward the vault. As soon as the door clangs shut, we find ourselves in complete darkness. Our guide breaks out a flashlight as we traipse through the hallway and into a bigger room where lighting has been wired.

At this moment our guide informs us to watch out for ghosts. I will cop to feeling mildly apprehensive, but shrug the comment off as tourist schtick, preparing to roll my eyes at further mentions of the paranormal. It's not that I necessarily don't believe, because I'm sort of agnostic about ghosts. It's just that we are a rather large group, in the late afternoon, and well, it's just extremely unlikely a ghost is going to pop out and scream "BOO!" at all of us.

I am pleased to find that the vaults offer a break from the warm August air outside. Although it is cool, by no means is it actually cold. In fact, the temperature feels rather pleasant. Our group is composed of seemingly normal people without the dreaded "talker" that can be found in some tour group settings. We all listen intently, ask the requisite questions, and "ooh" and "ahh" and "eww" at the appropriate times.

We have been in the vaults about half an hour when we reach one of the larger rooms. A semi-circle has formed around our guide as he describes the social nature of this room. People used to gather here, bladdy, blah, blah, kept close for warmth, blah, blather, blather, and oh, this room has lots of ghosts.

Apparently there is the requisite little boy ghost, designed to give us all the heebie-jeebies. What is it about child ghosts that are just disturbing? The guide continues with his ghost tales, now describing a shoe-maker/mender spirit who is also very popular with the tourists.

My interest is piqued, I'll admit, but more for history's sake than anything else. I study the room intently, trying to imagine living down here for years at a time and how horrid it must have been. The walls completely made of stone, no windows, the putrid smell, the drafty breeze, the cobbler in the corner.

Um, what?

And I see it. A shadowy male figure takes form in the corner. I can barely make him out, but he is sitting cross-legged.

I blink, because this can't really be what I see.

And he is gone. I keep my mouth shut because I don't want to be that tourist, the one who falls prey to the spooky stories and the suggestive lighting, the one the rest of the group pokes fun at the remainder of the journey.

But I cannot lie. I am a little shaken. The temperature has plummeted, and I don't want to go any further. As the rest of the group moves forward, I purposefully hang back a little, trying to decide if I should mention this "apparition" to J.

Before I make my decision, he irritatedly asks, "Why did you squeeze my hand so hard?"

"I'm didn't squeeze your hand," I reply.

"Yeah, you did. A few seconds ago. Like, really hard."

"Did not."

And he knows. He looks at me and reads it all over my face. "You saw something. I can tell just by looking at you. Are you okay? WHAT DID YOU SEE??!!"

Sheepishly I admit to possibly, maybe, but really definitely not seeing some sort of figure in the corner. It was just the lighting and the stupid stories, I insist. But he is having none of it. He is both elated and extremely jealous. He was dying to see a ghost, and now I have but am in complete denial. He wants details, all the details. I tell him what I know, and he goes off and immediately asks the guide where the damn cobbler ghost most often manifests.

In that corner where I saw him, naturally.

To this day, I remain skeptical about whether I did or did not see a ghost. J adamantly maintains that, yes, I have witnessed souls from beyond. I just don't know, though. The circumstances were so. . .shady (for lack of better word) and completely staged so that anyone could interpret the shadows on the wall as a ghost.

Then again, there was my face afterward, my automatic response of squeezing J's hand, the sudden chill that overcame me, and this account from some complete stranger, that I found on the internet.

Our guide, Fran, was a wonderful storyteller. She explained life in the rooms, what business had taken place and what articles were found after the excavation started. She also noted several spirits were frequently reported by visitors, but declined specifics at that point in order not to slant our experience. In one room she note a cobbler was often reported in one corner working and watching. I noticed it was the same corner where my husband had just moved to. Not a malevolent ghost apparently and while my husband did not feel or see anything, another woman in our party did have a particular feeling of a presence. You can imagine our shock after we took a look at the digital pictures he shot from the other side of the room! Originally the object had been to capture the guide telling the story of the room with the others looking on. His photo showed the whitish form of the cobbler, seated with arm outstretched as if reclining and listening to the stories! No matter how he attempted to touch up the picture, as if to remove a reflection or motion, it just sharpened the image. It had depth, especially near the ground and wall and could not be a shadow. The facial features are generally clear. There was no movement of air in the room, no strange markings on the wall. What else could it be?

Spiritual presence 6:07 PM

I'm not sure if this is the type of story Niki was looking for when she assigned this week's Special, but it's what immediately came to mind and I haven't been able to come up with anything else. I'm not sure how well I will be able to retell it; it's such a sensory experience...but, enough with the excuses. . .

When I was in the 8th grade, my grandmother moved into the house next door to us (it was actually fellow bar maid, Ashley's grandmother's house prior to my grandmother occupying it, ironically enough). I was going through the moody teenage years and tired of my family, so I would stay at her house most nights. One night, I come over and the TV sounded oddly -alarmingly - loud, even for her. I normally would call out to announce my presence, but I didn't for some reason. I walked through the house, quietly taking things in and feeling a weird sense of alarm or just knowledge in the air that something was amiss. I found my grandmother on the floor in the kitchen. She had died of a heart attack. While making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (that always gets me for some reason - that the loaf of bread and PB were still open, the knife on the floor). After running to her side (in a strange slow motion, fast pan away like in a movie, I was suddenly watching from outside the kitchen window, not actively participating) and making the call to my parents, not knowing exactly what to say, hearing my mother's desperate cry to my father, just his name, but there was so much emotion, like she was pleading, that he'd somehow be able to come over and fix what I had just told her, we were sitting on the couch, crying and suddenly, in between my parents, the tears stopped for me and I felt this rush of warmth and peace. I can't really explain it any better, but I knew it was my grandmother saying goodbye and telling me it would be ok. That I would be ok. It was only an instant and like nothing I've ever experienced before, but it's still a source of comfort to think back on. I know this post is a little. . .revealing, but it really is about a positive experience for me. A powerful encounter and something I really believe in.

Georgia Peach 5:59 PM

Hubby & I both got our "I'm a Georgia voter" stickers today. It took about 30 minutes! What pictures are on your state's voting stickers? Have you gotten yours yet?

Crossing Over, With Megan 1:41 PM

If I hadn't been drinking that night, I would have never believed it. But, as is usually the case, I had been drinking, and now I'm a believer.

I was way out in the boonies at a friend's house, partaking in a little girls get together to celebrate the visit of my friend's aunt from New Orleans. An aunt that reportedly could talk to spirits, you see. Being a bit of a skeptic, I was all on board for the special hand holding and spirit talking that we were promised that night with Aunt Spirit Talker. This should be hilarious, I thought, since I used to get a big kick out of the Crossing Over, With John Edward sham.

The first two spirits were meant for others at the table, and as I listed to each one I mentally challenged each connection, waving them off as coincidental or so broad that just about anything would have fit the bill. Oh, you're seeing money associated with the letter M? Who couldn't draw some association with that? Puh-lease, Y'ALL ARE BELIEVING THIS B.S.?!

As luck (or the spirits?) would have it, Aunt Spirit Talker starts calling forth a new spirit, one that is showing her the letter L. Nobody takes the bait, so she continues.

"L? I'm sorry spirit, I don't underst.... oh, EL! The sound EL, possibly someone's name? Elaine? Elenore?"

Give me a break, I think, of course my friend has slipped to AST that my daughter's name is Ella! Then she offers "Ellen?"

Naturally I have to speak up and mention that yes, I have a daughter named Ella but um, no, she's not dead. To which AST says that she is being shown the color red. EXCUSE ME? WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

"It's a good red, it's a good red!" AST tells me, then veers off course just a bit saying "But maybe Ella's not quite right... It's the letter L. Do you know someone who is departed with the letter L?"

Yes, actually, Ella's great grandmother's name was Lucy. She died about this time last year.

"Lucy? Is this Lucy? YES! It's Lucy. I'm still seeing the color red... And a sidewalk, maybe? Some type of path..."

I don't know? (By now I'm starting to get caught up in the spirits, alcoholic and otherwise, and I really, really want to make a sidewalk connection! Did Lucy and I ever take a walk? Go to a strip mall? Anywhere with a sidewalk?!) I don't know!

And then AST says it. "Something fun and red, for a sidewalk... A pogo stick? Or bike, maybe?"

A BIKE! OMG, A BIKE! THIS MORNING I ALMOST BOUGHT ELLA A RED BIKE!

"Lucy wants you to buy her the bike."

You bet your bottom I bought Ella that bike. The only person that knew I had spent time wandering the aisles of Wal-Mart that morning and had almost, almost bought a little red tricycle was my husband. And when I told his mom (Lucy's daughter) the story the next day she cried and told me that red was Lucy's favorite color.

So maybe all those people in the audience on Crossing Over aren't gullible saps after all! This is what I tell myself. And then I have a drink.

Gather Round the Campfire 9:08 PM

It's time for Ghost Stories, girls!

In honor of All Hallows Eve, this week our bartenders are sharing their spookiest encounters with the supernatural. Some of your bartenders may have witnessed some paranormal activity "in the flesh," while others may have been startled out of their stilettos by a simple bump in the night.

Go get your marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers, because things are about to get very interesting around here.

Addendum: This picture, that I found by Google-image searching "ghost" quite literally sent a chill up my spine.

WTFriday 2 8:47 PM

I think I have an email virus.

My email inbox insists that I have (2) unread messages, except that I really, really don't.  I've scrolled down.  I've changed it to sort by "unread."  I've even gone so far as to ask my inbox to please mark all messages as "read."

None of this has worked.  My inbox will not budge on that number 2.  It has been like this all freakin' day. 

Not only am I baffled, but I'm frustrated.  It's such a tease.  Like, thank you, as if I don't feel loser-y enough on days I only get marketing emails from all the online shopping I do, but now my inbox is teasing me that I've got unread messages WHEN REALLY I DON'T. 

Dear Email, I hate you. Please stop.  Love, Niki. 

WTFriday: Woman jailed for a virtual murder? 12:07 PM

Seriously?

Somebody needs to learn a lesson about real and make-believe. . .I'm just not sure which somebody that is.

B & A: TWO 7:59 AM

Two children, that is.

BEFORE two children, when I had just one, parenting seemed so easy-peasy. I was all Zen mama, with seriously low or no expectations of what each day or moment would bring. I rolled with the punches like never before. Had all the time in the world. Went wherever, whenever, with baby in tow. Had my frustrations, sure, but overall, felt it was a breeze. K.Lo was a delight. A tiny charmer who didn’t yet walk or talk. Who wouldn’t walk or talk until such point that I, thinking it was all so damn easy, was already knocked up with the second.

The pregnancy was fun. Interesting. Sometimes, I’m not quite sure how we all made it out alive.

AFTER two children? Zen mama I am not. Roll with the punches I do not. On my best days, maybe, sure. On not-best days, the tightrope walk gets to me. Like when K.Lo in all her exuberance disturbs N.Lo during his nap. Or when one or the other wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. And my mind, in its Not-Zen-ness, reels forward through all the definitive outcomes of the action, and I throw up my hands.

I try for the Zen, I track it and attempt to pin it down again, but too hard, because clearly the state of Zen can only be obtained when one is not trying. Like so many other things. Not seeking it out is sometimes the only thing that works.

But I also think Zen is very difficult to attain or achieve when in the presence of a toddler. Toddlers are so Not Zen. At least mine is not. She is still a delight, a little taller now. But grown tenfold in volume and spirit.

And even aside from temperament, two-year-olds are so… raw and unformed as people. It’s not their fault, but is this obviousness easy to remember when the Zen mama cloud slips through one’s fingers yet again? No, no it is not.

Luckily (for all), there is a common thread woven through this B & A: the Enjoyment Factor. I may not be all deep-breathing and chill, AFTER, as compared to BEFORE. But I see so many things every day, even the most Not-Zen days, that make me smile, laugh, and even cry-in-a-good-way. Times two.

B & A: 630 PM 8:08 AM

Exactly what will be the difference after 6:30? Am I buying a new car? Getting a new dog? Trying another jury trial? Or will I just clean out my dishwasher? I'll never tell.

Check back later on this evening and all will be revealed.

UPDATE: Ok ladies, here we go. Please be kind because A) I'm terribly un-photogenic (I promise, I'm cuter in person), B) My make-up is essentially non-existent in both photos, and C) I'm already a little uneasy about this entire transformation.

In varying degrees, my entire life Before 6:30PM today:

In San Francisco after a long day of exploring and walking, about to devour a delicious raw food meal.

After 6:30PM today:

Around 8pm tonight, after a shitty day at work, several hours in the salon, and a few beers in the bar.

Full Disclosure: I actually had an in-between step a couple of weeks ago, but I don't have an internet-worthy shot of that shade that I'm willing to post here. Also, the "before" doesn't capture how completely blonde and surfer-girl I was when I decided to go to the dark side, but I think you get the idea.

I know that it's going to fade, because it did before, but I'm not 100% on board with this new color. I took to it immediately last time; hopefully I'm just in a funk right now, the funk I've been in all day, the funk that almost made me cry at work, the funk that had me skip lunch because I was too pissed off to eat. Yeah, that kind of funk.

Junk In The Trunk 5:51 PM

Where do I find this stuff?!

Job Hunting B&A 2:23 PM

BEFORE the career fair: jobless.

AFTER the career fair: jobless. Not that I expect to walk out of a Career fair with a job, but more importantly it's due to a minor detail: it's actually not until NEXT Wednesday. So, I printed out my resumes, dusted off my suits (literally!) wore tight shoes, put on makeup, filled up with gas and drove down to the event. . a week early. And now I've got my button on my pants undone, my shoes kicked off, my knee highs have slouched and are bunching ankle low, my hair is tousled and my makeup worn off. It really is a different sight to behold from the confident woman that left her house this morning.

VOTE! 10:37 PM

November 4th may be two weeks away, but in many states, the election has already begun. Whatever your views, whomever your choice, this great democracy can only work if we all participate.

That's why I'm here to encourage you: if your state has EARLY VOTING, please, please go ahead and get it done, check it off your to-do list.

Being something of a political junkie, I had not planned to take advantage of my state's early voting, which has been going on since last week. I like the atmosphere of election day, the electricity and excitement of the entire thing. To me, there is something special about it all coming down to this one moment.

However, the logic of voting early cannot be ignored. Anything can happen. Anything. You may get bird flu and not be able to get out of bed that day. You may choke on a roasted pumpkin seed and keel over on Halloween. You may get stuck in a Gossip Girl-watching coma on Monday night. You just never know.

More importantly - the more of us that vote now, the fewer of us in line on election day. Under one theory this could translate into even more people participating - if weeble-wobblers see a giant line, they may say, "ah screw it;" whereas, if they see an easily accessible in and out, they may say, "ah, what the heck!"

More voters = more participation = democracy at its best.

If you've made up your mind and your state is already in on the action, don't procrastinate! Go mark that bubble!

B & A: Cowboys On The Brain 6:35 AM

BEFORE I had no idea I wanted to marry a cowboy:
(cowgirl M, on the right)

AFTER I knew what I wanted and I landed that cowboy by doing things like this:

After going through the archives for pics for this Weekly Special, I ran across a few that should be noted:

Just what in the hell is going on here? Beyond the fact that I look like a goober with my blue pants all jacked up with a tacky shirt and VELCRO shoes, does it look like creepy Santa dude is being all Stranger Danger free handed with my little elementary school self? What if I had had little breast budlings under that awful shirt?

And THIS. This explains so much.

That'd be me with my bathing suit all falling off, clutching a Miller Lite. With an empty in my sand bucket. It's no wonder I'm a beer girl.

Your Bartenders, Showing a Little B & A 9:16 PM

Getting cooked up fresh from the kitchen is this week's Weekly Special:

Your Smartini Barmaids: Before & After

We will provide you with photographical and/or anecdotal evidence of ourselves before and after. Before and after what, you ask? Who knows!

It could be B & A the big night out (uh oh), B & A we put on our make-up (oooh no) or maybe even B & A our first time (no, not THAT... skiing? singing karaoke? getting a perm?).

Be nice and leave us all sorts of friendly 'you don't look like hell without make-up' type comments, and maybe, just maybe I'll post the picture of me mere moments before my first time GETTING FRENCH KISSED BY A BOY. I know, scintillating!

Pensive 10:30 PM

So… I’ve come to the bar tonight to say that in regards to this Presidential election, I’ve made up my mind. A few weeks ago, I thought I had my mind made up, but more mulling and researching brought me back over to the other side of the fence, and I am now fully confident in my choice. In fact, I’m so set in my vote that I’ve progressed from mulling into full-on stewing. It’s not that I feel my candidate is perfect, or that his promised policies are so fabulous. The truth is that I still don’t believe either candidate is proposing anything truly spectacular. I would love more than anything to see candidates that put forth ideas that make sense and are truly in the best interest of our nation, even if they are not terribly “popular.” In my mind, neither candidate fits this bill.

Megan recently asked what our deal-breaker issues are, and putting more thought into the matter over the past few weeks, I’d like to respond that my deal-breaker is failing to uphold the Constitution. More than anything, I would hate to see policies put into to action that screwed with the very basics of America. I feel like one candidate’s ideas very much fit this bill. And so I am voting against him.

Unfortunately, instead of feeling enthusiastic about my vote, I feel… disheartened. Disillusioned? Disgruntled. Decidedly.

As with the end of any election, I’m sick of hearing about it, kind of can’t wait for it to be all over. Except that I feel like so many are missing the point with their choice of candidate this time around. When people vote for change, are they voting for good change? Or are they voting for a whole new set of problems.

That question is rhetorical, by the way.

For my own, um… safety in the bar, comments are closed on this post. I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts as a perpetual on-the-fencer, maybe unload some of this weight on my mind. I tried to do so in the most restrained way possible.

…It was really difficult.

Some parting food for thought: check out this recent story from 20/20. I think it’s pretty neat. Even though it offers me no better solution in this election, short of marking None of the Above.

WTFriday: Thystleliciousness 7:11 AM

So this really isn't a WTF? WTFriday. This is a WineThystleFriday.

That's right, I am showcasing one of the funniest lists I have read in a long time today, and it just so happens to be from Miss Thystle at Wine Makes Thystle Clever. (Thanks to Lorrie who is bringing the blog world together, one reader at a time.)

**Miss Thystle, who I swear could be a Southern girl with the way she likes to cleave, if you know what I mean, isn't afraid to type a word or two that may be against the code of conduct here at the bar. Not that we don't say those words ourselves... DAILY... mind you.**

Rocka-My-Baby

Couldn't sleep again last night, and I've got nothing to blog about today. So I decided to make y'all a list of the various, insightful and thoughtful things that I thunk about as I was laying there thinking.

* You know what sounds super dirty, but isn't? The word batter. As in "oh, whip that batter, baby. Whip it until STIFF PEAKS form. Ooh, you know how Big Daddy likes his batter sweet. You want to lick the batter of my beater, don't you?". See? DIRTY.

* I bet the debate would have been more watchable if Joe & Sarah had consented to the pudding-wrestling round. That's how all elections should be run. Once you discover who is most willing to shove some one's face into a kiddie pool of Kozy Shak and shout, "TAKE THAT, B*", that's who you should vote for.

*I really like the way the Brit's use slang. I should start saying "nutter" and "wanker" and "brill".

* What do you call those little dots in the middle of the time? The ones that look like umlauts, except sideways? I should get up and Google that.

* Right now, it's 5 side ways dot-dot one five am on Saturday in the Philippines.

* Is it FILL-a-Peens or PILL-a-peens? I should call a random number over there and ask.

* I wonder whatever happened to the chick that played the robot on Small Wonder? What the hell was that robots name? Vicki. That's right. I've had three bosses called Vicki. I wonder if they were robots? I bet at least one of them was. That would explain why she never peed one time in five years. That show was good. I like shows that suspend belief. Like Pushing Daisy's. I should start dressing like Chuck. I love that era.

* But that would require wearing nylons. And we all know where THAT leads.

* Damn. I could totally eat some waffles right now.

* Did I remember to put the clothes in the dryer?

* WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL. Damn, dog, you are NOT RIGHT.

* Seriously, you can TASTE that stink. I still want waffles though.

* If I stick my legs straight up in the air, my thighs look really good. Wonder if it works for my arms too? Totally does. I bet it would look weird if someone saw me right now. I totally look like a cartoon dead guy.

* z-y-x-w-v-u-t-s-r EFF*. I would be SO EFFED* if I got this as my sobriety test.

* Should I dress up for Halloween this year? Or is it too tarty? HA! I just stuck a brit-ism into a sentence! That rocks. Anyway, Halloween...hm. I COULD be Mrs. Roper. I bought that wicked cool mumu at the Sal that would totally work.

* NO! MAGDA. I'll be Magda.

* I should totally trick or treat.

* Ah, rember when M was a baby and she called it Trink or Treat? That was so cute. It's only a matter of time before she stops saying "Balentimes" too, I bet.

* And when she thought the moon was a cookie? And she was jumping up and down in the yard trying to get it? That was cute. Almost a cute as when she used to yell "I WUNNERFULL!" when she was pleased with herself. Or run up and down the halls calling for "Drama Dulie". Or stamping her little foot and muttering "Damn it, damn it, damn it."

* Kids are so cute!

* I hate kids.

* Oompa, loompa, doompadee do, I've got a-nother message for you....

* Dude. This cell phone is wicked bright. How the hell did I get three voice mails yesterday? No. I do not want to refinance my house. Are you kidding me with this shit? Yeah, yeah, pay the cable bill. And a hang up. Nice. No one ever calls me.

* I should be a phone sex operator, people would totally call me then.

* Ah, that makes me think of college. Good times, good times.

* Wonder whatever happened to Janice. Remember how she used to steal my clothes. That sucked. I hope she got that acne cleared up. Her face looked like hamburger.

* That was mean. Am I a mean person? Probably.

* I'm such a wanker.

* HA! DID IT AGAIN!

I can only imagine how much I would laugh at this list after I've had a few glasses of wine... Perhaps I should do that tonight!

For insight on two of the items mentioned here, I call on Karen and Molly: Karen's got some inside knowledge on the Phillipines and Molly on the phone sex operator business. Get to it, girls.

And the winner is. . . . 11:15 PM

ME! Because I have two new pair of shoes!

THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! To everyone who participated in my shoe contest and call to arms. It was SO much fun looking at the shoes you suggested, and I spent a very, very long time on Sunday night perusing the internets looking at your shoes and billions of others (when I should have been preparing for a hellacious week of court).

Despite the fantastic choices submitted by faithful Smartini Bar readers and bartenders, unfortunately I did not select any of the entries. Before you all go throwing rotten tomatoes at me, please be assured that I appreciated and loved everyone's selection. It's just that I'm extremely picky and incredibly indecisive, and well, you just can't ever predict when love will hit you (also, I warned you this might happen).

And well, love sort of struck me from nowhere when I laid eyes on these beauties:

And of course, being fickle that I am, love struck yet again when I saw these lovely lassies:

I will, however, give credit where credit is due. Without the inspiration of krw221 I don't think I ever would've thought, "Hmm. Purple shoes - I can do that!"

So KRW, you are the unofficial "winner" of my contest! CONGRATULATIONS!

I almost bought this pair, except that it was marginally out of my price range, and I don't have enough outfits to pair it with in order to rationalize the purchase. But damn, I've got the hots for this shoe (I don't know why; I mean, it does have a pointy toe, but in a funky, cool sort of way, and the color is to. die. for.)

I feel sort of crappy about not picking a winner from the submissions, especially since I completely did a 180 and didn't choose black or brown, but some crazy red and purple nonsense. For this reason, I would like to send a consolation prize to everyone who entered. Megan, Pen, KRW, I think that means you! Please email me your addresses at nikiblogs@yahoo.com.

Again, THANK YOU for participating, and I hope you play again next time!

Dear Children, 9:00 PM

You may have noticed when you woke up this morning that Mom and Dad weren’t there. First, don’t worry: Grandma and Grandpa are on the job. Second, we should probably tell you that we’re in another country. Greece. Santorini, Greece, to be exact.*

A mysterious benefactor allocated time and funds for this journey, which we are taking in order to do absolutely nothing for a week, other than soaking up the ridiculously beautiful scenery and drinking copious amount of… juice.

Note: We fully intend to ride a mule up the mountainside, on the way to our fancy-schmancy hotel. We will eat chocolates filled with the local wine, dine on amazing cuisine, gaze out onto the water and partake in the spa. We will soak up all that is the Caldera. But otherwise, we will just be.

Because um, we really need to remember how to do that sometimes. To just be.

Love you to pieces, but pretty glad you’re not here…

pen

*I fully admit that this particular destination-lust came from reading/watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Yeah, and I’m 30. Bite me. ;)

Cruisin' Christmas 11:52 AM

I'm not sure why this week's special has been so difficult for me, but it's been hard to narrow down my choices to just one. There are obvious places I'd love to go visit again - Italy, California, New York, D.C. or for the first time - Montana, Colorado, Texas, Australia, Hawaii, Ireland, Iceland, Caribbean.

But, I think the vacation I've had in my mind for several years now is to take a cruise. Now, I've never been on a cruise and I've definitely heard mixed reviews. I'd want the cruise where everything was paid for and I could eat and drink to my heart's content. And I want to take a cruise at Christmas with all of my family and extended family and even friends and their families. I think it would be nice to have lots of people you know around and have designated times to get together (and maybe exchange gifts or have a meal) but then also it's a big boat, so you could easily get lost from the group and do your own thing - and have ready babysitters with both sets of grandparents on board! The boat would need to have enough entertainment on it as well as some great stops. I think an Alaskan cruise would be divine. I'm not a big cold weather person, but I love the stunning scenery, wildlife and the peaceful serenity. I could use more of that in my life. And the sleeping train tour? Love it, gotta do it!



So, Christmas 2010, who's on board?

Thursday Tickler: Burying My Goldfish 11:01 AM

Monkey Business 8:40 PM

This week's topic has me positively stumped.  Usually my week-long vacations are determined by a number of factors such as budget, holidays, and travel companions. Here I am with as much money as I need and a wide open globe.  The problem: I am a travel whore. I will go anywhere, do just about anything that sounds marginally entertaining, and follow anyone along on a merry adventure.  There are too many options, and I can't take the pressure of choosing just one. 

Instead of answering the question directly, I'm going to cheat a little, otherwise you'd get a random assortment of non-answers.  Ash confined us to a one-week time span, but in order to properly take the one vacation that I've been daydreaming about for almost a year now, I'm going to need a minimum of two weeks, preferably several more. 

I'm packing my rucksack and setting out to trek the mountain gorillas of Rwanda and Uganda.  I have a mental list of things to do before I die, and this currently sits at number one.  From what I've read, you hike through the forest, sometimes for hours, to track down a group, and then you are limited to 30 mins or 1 hour to be with them.  (This limits germs and disease transfer from humans to gorillas.)  Although you are also limited in the distance, just being in the same space with them would be magical!

That's basically it.  There are many more flora and fauna in Africa that would be incredible to see, not to mention the experience of an entirely different culture.  No doubt, I would also take in all of this things, but central focus definitely will be the gorillas.  I love them, and I can't wait to get there!  Also, did you see that cute European backpacker? I think he totally has the hots for me.  Maybe he can show me some of his native lands?

*Apologies for this post. I'm exhausted this week and my ability to compose logical sentences is waning; my ability to compose witty, funny, and/or interesting sentences is non-existent.*

beach bum turned wine-bag 9:46 AM

Let me just say this first: I'm a beach person. Not a lake person, not a mountains person, not a "wow-what-a-great-cultural-experience-I-can't-wait-to-see-another-art-gallery" person.

I like the sand in my toes, a frozen fruity drink in my hand, and a good ol' mediocre romance novel from CVS to transport me to my zen-like state of relaxation.

However, this was all before I went to Napa Valley this August.

Now I'm a wine bag. Wino. Whatever you want to call me - I am a Napa-phile.

So - my ultimate vacay? Here it is:

Where: Napa Valley and neighboring Sonoma.

When: Uh, NOW. Like right NOW. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Now, now, now.

Why: Because there's wine there. And lots o' spas.

Who: Normally I'd say the husband, but maybe we should do a girls' trip? Calling all smartini girls...we need to do this!

Hotel: The Auberge du Soleil. Yeah, I can't afford it now, but if we win the lottery or rob a bank, we're in.

What will we do? Drink wine. Sleep in. Get massages. Ride in a hot air balloon (a MUST do). Sit outside and eat yummy food. Drink wine. Read a good book. And drink more wine.

So...in the words of Jerry Maguire...who's coming with me?

London Calling 10:22 PM

I think it's more than a cosmic coincidence that when I did a Google image search for London, this poster was on the first page. It even looks like me - fake blonde hair, great boots. I'm pretty sure that the universe is trying to tell me something (like "Get your passport already!").

So I'm heading to London because somehow, I feel like I would be at home there. I'm not that crazy about big cities, and I know London is gigantic, but I sort of feel like, in another lifetime, maybe I was there. I want to go and check out all the normal touristy things like the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. And high tea at the Savoy. The cheap scares of the Tower of London tour. Shop at Harrods. Take a ridiculously number of photos of Big Ben from every angle.

And then there's the tour that would include the world of Regency England, setting of the scores of romance novels I've consumed over the years. Hyde Park, Rotten Row, Brook's and White's and The Serpentine. I want to stroll in Mayfaire and check out Kensington Gardens. I want to go to Piccadilly Circus alone.

Then there will be the unexpected...the hidden bookshop full of dusty volumes. The antique shop where I gasp when I convert euros to dollars for the teacup I'm eying. The local pub where I suddenly feel old friends with the cockney accent and a pint of ale. The coffee shop that I dash into to get out of the rain and possibly...just maybe...run into Mr. Darcy.

A Birthday Toast to the Temp-tress 10:33 AM

Some folks would be a bit squirrely about having a birthday on October 13. It seems like a spooky kind of date, right? Just a couple of weeks before Halloween and, at times, falling on the much-fear Friday the 13th. Some folks would run screaming from the thought. But not our resident Temptini. She joined this old world on this hallowed date - we'll not reveal the year - and she's been wreaking havoc ever since.

Please join us in raising your glass and to toast our favorite Southern grit, UGA-lovin', tantrum-throwing, sarcasm-laden, D.C. diva...here's to you, birthday girl. May it be a day filled with unexpected good things, good friends, lots of love and a drink on the house.

Cheers!!!

xoxo,
Your Smartinis

This Beach is Going on a Vacay 6:35 AM

I'm going on a little one week vacay, and since money is no object, I'm going to think Big: Beach, Booze and Bfriends.

The Beach: St. Thomas, USVI

I went there once, had one hell of a time and decided that just a few days was not near long enough. This time I'm going back, and I'm going to park it. FOR A WEEK.

The Booze: Yes, please! What goes better with the beach (or a pool right next to the beach) that an open bar? Nothing, I tell you! Especially when that open bar is IN the pool and you get to take a little dip and swim right up. Hell. Yeah.

The Bfriends: My husband, of course! And then a few other couples who like the three Bs. And my girls, because if they weren't there I would surely have a few drinks and get all emotional that I left my two precious children on the mainland whilst I flounced off to get my beach on and end up calling and yammering on and on to E, because she's 4 and would put up with my nonsense, and then undoubtedly I would try to talk to baby A, even though she barely has teeth, much less can talk, and that wouldn't be pretty. So children on the trip, it is! And a babysitter. LET'S NOT FORGET THE BABYSITTER.

So off we will go for a week of laying by the pool, reading a book, listening to some island tunes, moving my body sporadically to reapply lotion or to cool off with a little dip in the pool (on my way to bar, of course) and taking naps. Just to mix things up, I might go lay in a hammock on the beach, read a book, listen to island tunes, move my body sporadically to casually rock the hammock with my foot, cool off with a little dip in the water and frequently give my drink order to a cute waiter.

Throughout the day the girls and I will check in with our spouses (who will surely be out deep sea fishing or crashing jet skis or something else testosterone-ish) and children, just enough so that we don't feel wrought with guilt. But then at night... when the little ones are tucked in tight... the adults will head out for some serious, sweat-til-you-die dancing, and I don't even care if any of us knows how. Just shakin' my ass, that's what I'll be doing, and having one hell of a time!

And I might not come home. (Thank goodness they sell booze in the airport... I know that for a fact!)

The Weather is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful 12:07 AM

In case y'all haven't noticed, I haven't been to the bar lately. It could be because I'm putting in the 60-hour work week and traveling like a maniac to exotic locals like...Orlando. The truth is, I need a break. Too bad I don't have enough time or funds to take a trip to somewhere I'd actually like to spend some time. But, in lieu of the real thing - and in the face of the crumbling economy - we're going to pretend that we have the time and the funds for a week away. Maybe if I drink enough, it'll seem like I'm there.

Maybe We Can All Agree On Something? 2:03 PM

Shauna Sand, according to Wikipedia, is a former Playboy Playmate, actress, and ex-wife of Lorenzo Lamas.  (Prior to checking wiki, this is what I wrote about her: She is, I think, some sort of porn star or internet nekkid maven.  Good thing I fact-checked first, (note-to-self Presidential campaigns).)

Anywho, below is a picture of this woman, with one of her daughters.  Dlisted tells us that they are at a medical center. 

Apart from the hair, the lips, and the orange skin, do you see those shoes??  I'm here to advocate passage of a law that says any woman or man who chooses to wear clear, platform, hooker shoes for general day-to-day activities and NOT as part of a Halloween get-up, burlesque performance, or other costume-worthy occasion should be denied her/his parental rights. 

Are you with me?

If you are not yet convinced, please check out additional footage of these same shoes making an appearance at a pumpkin patch.  A pumpkin patch, people.  Pumpkin patches should be the last bastion for everything wholesome and good, and these shoes being allowed in seriously offends me.

WhyTF: Stroke of Genius 9:16 AM

Let me just say this: This morning I invented something (in my head) that will be so damn handy, everyone will want one and I would be a gazillionaire, if I actually had the capacity to create it. Or even design it.

A few months ago I moved on up in the world and got a new to me vehicle that is nine years newer than my previous ride. Fortunately for me, in that nine year span auto makers decided to equip vehicles with the little key fobs for remote lock/unlock. Since I have never, ever had one of these fobs, I am pretty much in heaven with mine now and possibly use it when I don't necessarily have to. It's also possible that I have gotten pretty damn used to having the remote and when I recently had to drive the old vehicle, I felt all put down and that universe was mad at me, OVER A KEY FOB!

This is all to say that I have become rather dependent upon that little clicker and now that I'm so spoiled, I want one for my house.

I KNOW! This is pure genius, is it not?! Think of how handy that would be when you have your arms full of groceries or children or take out and all you have to do is push a button before you load your arms up! This may not be quite as exciting to those of you with garages where you never lock the door anyway, but to those of us without them, this is brills.

WhyTF hasn't anyone thought of this before? Gazillionaire, I tell you. GAZILLIONAIRE.

Good ol' JT 3:49 PM

No, not Justin. The original JT.

Click on this link.

It's an episode of The Colbert Report where James Taylor guests. If you skip to about minute 17:10, he breaks out into a song from his new album Covers, where he's covering lots of other songs (duh!) It's one neither Hubby nor I had heard before (perhaps you have) but we both really liked it and I thought it might be your vibe, too. I can't stop playing it over and over again.

Happiness Is. . . 1:43 PM

~Emails and blogging really get me through. The social network, support and encouragement is amazing. Humor, compassion, and shoe shopping! What more could a gal ask for?

~Diet CHERRY coke. The Cherry ingredient is key. Or even Coke Cherry Zero.

~SPELLCHECKER! And dictionaries and thesaurus for that matter. Basically, instant information at your fingertips. Immediate answers to any questions you may have, access to videos, music. .you get the picture. the Internet itself just rocks.

~Dancing

~TiVo. I heart TiVo soooo much. And I love my shows and being able to watch them when I can. Being able to have the interruptions and pause and not get frustrated. It gives me a life, actually, because otherwise, I'd really be glued to the TV too much.

~My bedtime routine. One of my favorite times of the day is checking on my kids when I'm finally headed to bed myself. I have a routine of setting down the ice water, turning on specific lights that are dim enough not to disturb, but offer enough for me to get a good glimpse. I was always the babysitter that would wake the sleeping children to be sure they were still breathing. I'm still that mom, too, except I know how to check now, without waking! If I don't hear audible noises, I will rest my hand on the chest to feel the warmth and rise and fall. Pulling the covers that have been kicked off back over the little bodies. The peaceful slumber. Moving from one room to the next. The cricket noise machine. It's reassuring for me to go to sleep now. Then, there's the snoring of Hubby when I enter our room, the small fan we have for white noise running and the dogs sprawled out that I have to wrestle a spot from.

~Kissing Hubby when we first get home. Even the teasing accusing question, "did you kiss me when you got home?" if we neglect to do it right away. Also, the kissy noises we exchange when saying good night or leaving (usually on different schedules with each other).

~Being greeted by the dogs and the little noises they make throughout the day. Even when they are annoying me, I know how strange it is to come home to an empty house. It's way too quiet. I miss the clack of their nails on the hardwood floors or the sound of them shaking off after waking up from a nap.

~Much like seeing the fish swim around and that the plants aren't droopy. .I may not think about them much, but I'm relieved when I do take notice to see them thriving.

~Also, similarly, I enjoy the sounds you learn that you don't even think about until someone new enters and is startled, inquisitive, etc. Like the ice maker, the squeaky faucet being turned on upstairs, the garage door opening, the clink of Hubby's weights, the water running in the pipes from the washing machine. Hearing and knowing these sounds is comforting to me.

~Little Man flopping his head down on your shoulder or chest. Sweet Pea never relaxed much, but Little Man is a superb snuggler and it's just the best feeling in the world when he lays against you or into you.

~Watching them interact with each other. It's so sweet. And I know it won't always be, so I truly treasure it now. Especially when they are laughing. Or competition squealing.

Battery Power 7:59 AM

The things that keep me going. . .

* Water - No, really. Instead of coffee, tea, or other caffeine, it's what truly wakes me up in the morning and gets me through the day. I must have a water bottle with me at all times or at least an easily accessible water fountain. If it weren't a necessity, you might even call me a water addict.

* Yoga/Kickboxing - Any form of exercise is good, but on days when I get to do yoga or kickboxing, life is grand.

* The coffee shop around the corner from work - I don't drink coffee (because I'm highly sensitive to caffeine and it makes me strung out as if I'm on crack), but occasionally I'll drink tea or chai from this coffee place for an afternoon boost. Even if I don't do it, just the fact that I'm a block away, and I could if I wanted to, that's kind of enough.

* Masala (my dog) - He is my angel, and I don't care if that makes me pathetic.

* TV - Trashy teen dramas, HBO original series, or good, solid network soaps - I need to zone out after a day of dealing with shitheads

* Lunch with my co-workers - we have a small, tight-knit office and almost every day our dysfunctional family goes to lunch together. We cut up and joke like 19 yr olds, and sometimes looking forward to it is the only thing that gets me through a morning of court.

* Getting and receiving ecards from someecards.com - best ecards ever! You can also make your own, which is totally addictive and fabulous.

* Breakfast - A no brainer, but for reals. Without breakfast I would. Not. Make. It.

Shoeless Niki 11:23 PM

Ladies, the SHOE CONTEST is still going on. 

Thanks to Pen for her weekend submissions and to everyone who has entered thus far!

The fact that I have not yet purchased shoes and/or chosen a winner should in no way be considered a reflection on the quality of the current entries or my intentions.  I just have not had time to fully consider my options and get this taken care of. 

My procrastination = your opportunity.

Don't be shy - it could win you $$$ for Zappos or Amazon!

Let’s not forget pajama pants and slipper-socks 5:45 PM

I really do feel like it’s all about the little things, sometimes. Here’s the shit that gets me through the day:

• The girlie shows waiting to be watched on the DVR. My faves: ANTM, ProRun, Grey’s. They are all kinds of deliciousness, like unwrapped presents, and even better is the prospect of watching them all by myself.
• Alone time. A few months ago, after I banned afternoon naps for my two-year-old, it occurred to me that I was spending 24/7 of my time in the company of at least one other human being. For a highly sensitive introvert such as myself, this… *crowding* is the quickest path to a white room with padded walls. So, after a monumental meltdown in which I really, really hoped I wasn’t insulting anyone, J.Lo conceded that I could and should take whatever time I needed each night to hide away in our den, to blog and email and just… be. It’s a lifesaver.
• Thursday nights: J.Lo and I watch Survivor and The Office together, and it truly is the most exciting night all week.
• Eating 3 meals a day together, all 4 of us, now with J.Lo’s new job being so close to home. And when K.Lo and N.Lo make J.Lo smile at the beginning, middle, and end of his day.
• Fall. Because of the cooler air, the apple pie, and the good TV.
• Iced coffee in the morning. We have a big jug of it in the fridge, perfectly creamed and sugared and cold.
• A glass of white wine (or two) at night. Or better, while cooking dinner. I appreciate wines with clever bottle copy, and/or names, such as “Oops,” “Three Blind Moose,” and “Lulu B.”
• K.Lo putting a black and yellow dog toy on her head and saying, “I’m a firefighter! Wooooooooo.”
• Picking N.Lo up out of the crib, when he’s all warm and snuggly, that’s maybe the best feeling ever.
• The Dirty Dancing anniversary soundtrack, which has all the songs, in order.
• Charlie Crews, on the show Life. 
• Reading, reading, reading. I find it almost meditative, the quiet energy I pull from from really plowing through a story.
• The purple and orange lights on our front porch. The moon poised in the background.
• Chocolate. All kinds. Dark especially, and I’ve been on a Twix kick.
• The existence of a new cupcake shop downtown. That’s it, just its existence is enough for me.
• My Doc Martens shoes. I heart them.
• When my jeans fit.
• And, as much as I hate to admit it, exercise. Or more specifically, just having finished exercise.
• That goes for finishing writing exercises (for writers’ group), too.

it doesn't take much 11:53 AM

...But I do have a few things that keep me from losing it during those stressful days:

• a half cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee at home before I leave for work. And Chris has to make it; I suck at making coffee. I always make it too strong or too weak or the little coffee grinds make it into the coffee pot. I can make a damn good pie crust from scratch; I can whip up a pan sauce for anything in 2 minutes flat - but I cannot make good coffee. All I need is a half cup - just enough to warm up my brain and get my thoughts moving.
  
• A small bite of chocolate after a meal. For lunch each day, I usually have a salad or a sandwich - but I absolutely need a little bite size snickers (like the ones you got while trick or treating as a kid) after a meal. It's so odd - I wish that something more healthy like a piece of fruit would suffice; but chocolate is the only answer. It just take the edge off of a crazy and stressfl day at work.
  
• Some great show I've recorded on Tivo and a glass on Pinot Noir. Really, that just caps off a tough day, and it works like a charm, every time. A dose of McDreamy, Ari Gold on Entourage, or a little 90210 does the trick.

Of course, there are the less trivial things in life that get me through as well:

• A hug and a kiss from Chris the moment I walk in the door. This is our ritual - before we start bitching about our respective days at work, we make a point to do this every day within two minutes of walking in the door.
  
• Talking to my parents and hearing about their days and how they've been doing. I still talk to my folks at least every other day and hearing from them does make the bad days better.
  
• Petting Taz and listening to him purr. This means more this week that I could ever imagine. His greeting me at the door every day is a gift, and after his scare last week, it just made me realize how much the little guy de-stresses me.

Diet Coke Makes My World Go 'Round 7:11 AM

What gets this girl through the day? Why, it's the little things, of course!

There's the sappy, warm your heart things, like seeing baby A's face light up when I walk into the room, getting to see or talk to my husband during the day when I normally would not, or tucking E into bed every night and giving her three hugs, three kisses every time (nothing less will do).

Then there's the everyday things, like getting to cut up while at work, making people laugh and myself laughing REALLY loud, singing along with the radio up and my voice up higher, the painful sense of accomplishment after working out like a dog and making a delicious meal from scratch.

And then there's the really critical stuff, like DIET COKE BY THE GALLON, beer or wine (I'm not particular), blog reading and getting lost in a good book.

And the even smaller stuff that I don't hardly ever realize: that all of these lovely things listed above happen in my life on an almost daily basis. (Especially the beer and wine.)

Keep 'em coming, bartenders; I'm drowning my sorrows. Oh, and I have a tab, right? 9:43 PM

Major personal WTFriday, but I'm just coming out of the numbness stage to post about it.

I lost my job on Friday. My cushy, awesome, I've had for 7 years, straight out of college, never done anything else in the big bad Real World, suited me and my not-a-morning-person, but am a family person divinely job. Things just dried up and there's been no work for a while now and "no reflection on me" but they can't just keep floating and draining their reserves indefinitely.

As of next Friday I will not have income or insurance.

WTF am I going to do now?

I am definitely looking forward to Pen's WS to remind myself of the little things that keep me going. Of course, I counted gainful employment among them. *sigh.

Little Pick-Me-Ups 8:30 PM

Our Weekly Special will be all about the Little Things that get each barmaid through the day. From current obsessions to longstanding routines…these are a few of our favorite things!

Not unlike bright copper kettles, warm woolen mittens, and brown paper packages tied up with string, the little stuff sure keeps me from flinging myself off a cliff on a daily basis. It really is the little things that matter!

WTFriday: Why Must I Do This? 12:26 AM

(I must love to stir the pot. But I'm only stirring it a little, teeny, tiny bit, okay?)

I watched the VP debate tonight and have to say, it wasn't NEAR the bloodbath that I thought it was going to be. All of those clips of Katie Couric's interview with Sarah Palin had me prepared for an ugly, ugly scene, but I was rather surprised. I suppose that time spent at Debate Camp in Arizona paid off for Palin, and she did a nice job holding her own against an obviously talented and very well qualified Joe Biden.

And now I'm left hating the word Scranton, and I mean it. Between Biden and Clinton, a name that has ick connotations to me anyways keeps getting thrown out there and it makes me want to barf. I don't know why... I love The Office, though, so what's my deal?

With everything gearing up for the election and all of the debates and such, my mind has been running rampant. Consequently, I have a question for you, the barroom masses:

When it comes down to it, what is THE most critical issue that would be a deal breaker if a candidate did not share your views?

I think it's very interesting to hear what that ONE thing is to different people. No explanation, no arguing, no nothing. Just that ONE thing that makes you say If the Nom isn't for/against it, I can't vote for them. Period. Or is there just one thing?

For me there is that most important issue that I can't get past, no matter what. Want to know what it is? I'll show you mine if you show me me yours. (I played that game one time with a boy in kindergarten and I'm pretty sure I got in trouble. But I promise that you won't get in trouble here, as long as you BE NICE.) Don't forget the anonymous feature of the comments section!

The Scoop 8:54 PM

Never Have I Ever...
- Gone on a blind date - wait, does it count if you met them on the internet and had no idea what they looked like? I did that a few times in high school (I know, clearly stupid.)
- Watched someone die - I did hold a little birdie in my hands when it took its last breath, and that was pretty devestating, so I can't say I'd be anxious to check this one off
- Been to Mexico - how is this possible that I haven't been there yet?
- Jumped out of a plane - not yet, but I will
- Been on a helicopter - again, not yet, but this is something I'm dying to do. I heart helicopters. A lot.
- Recently colored with crayons
- Had major surgeries - yes, there was wisdom teeth and tubes in my ears, but both were outpatient and not a big deal
- Been on TV - maybe once with the can-a-thon, but I have no idea
- Stolen a traffic sign

Definitely Have...
- Skipped school
- Been to Canada
- Been on a plane
- Gotten lost
- Been to the opposite side of the country
- Been to Washington , DC
- Swam in the ocean - it makes me sad if some people haven't done this
- Been stung by a jellyfish - technically, a Portuguese Man-o-War, but trust me, it's worse
- Cried myself to sleep
- Played flashlight tag - I think I did this once while spending the night at Andi's house...
- Sang Karaoke
- Gone Water Skiing
- Made prank phone calls
- Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
- Caught a snowflake on your tongue
- Danced in the rain
- Written a letter to Santa Claus - ok, not 100% sure about this, but I definitely left cookies and milk, so I'm sure I wrote a letter, too.
- Gotten kissed under the mistletoe
- Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
- Blown bubbles
- Gone ice-skating - I get hurt every time, much rather be water skiing
- Gone Snow Skiing - see above
- Gone camping
- Gone skinny dipping outdoors - the BEST
- Gone to the movies in the past month  - Burn After Reading
- Gone to a drive-in movie
- Paid for a meal with coins only
- Gone Roller Skating
- Done something you told yourself you wouldn't, when alcohol wasn't a factor - the story of my life
- Eaten cookies for dinner - also eat cake for breakfast sometimes, scandal
- Been in a car accident

1. Birthplace? Athens, GA

2. Any Tattoos? Nope.

3. Body Piercings? Nothing except ears anymore, but I used to have my eyebrow pierced.

4. How much do you love your job? When I win or get a good result, there is nothing better.  When my clients and judges and DAs and police officers are difficult, not so much love.

5. Favorite vacation spot? Somewhere tropical and warm with accented men.

6. What continents have you been to? North America, South America, Europe, Australia (working on Africa next...)

7. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4-door mom car, I hate it.

8. Favorite salad dressing? Oil & vinegar, but not too much

9. Favorite food? Whatever I'm craving at that moment

10. Favorite number? 11

11. Favorite movie? HA. If you think I can even begin to answer this question, you have no idea how serious I am about movies.

12. Favorite holiday? My birthday and New Year's Eve; I extrapolated on that awhile back

13. What's on your mouse pad? I don't have a mouse pad, just the mouse pad thingy on the laptops

14. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

15.What do you do to relax? Watch TV, yoga, sleep

16. Favorite toothpaste? Tom's of Maine peppermint.

17. Favorite smell? Chocolate chip cookies

18. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Badass, whatever I am

19. When was the last time you cried? Sunday night

20. What was the last thing you ate? Spinach quesadilla

21. What color shirt are you wearing today? So far today I've worn yellow (morning walk with dog), emerald green (to work), turquoise (to gym), and grey (after post-workout shower) shirts. That's right. I've worn 4 different shirts, plus the one I'm gonna sleep in, which will probably be purple.

22. What are you listening to right now? Commercials during Private Practice

23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Orange

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom; we got into an argument because she sent me this ridiculous email about Obama being the anti-Christ and I had to set her straight.

25. Who did you send an email to most recently? My mom; preceding the phone call, informing her of my displeasure at her stupid, fear-mongering forward about Obama

26. Most recent email you received? My mom; she let me know that she had sent a retraction to everyone to whom she'd sent the dumbass Obama anti-Christ email

27. What are you reading now? Currently in the middle of: The Subtle Knife, The Bookseller of Kabul, the most recent issue of Shape magazine, and To the Ends of the Earth. Yeah, I've got a problem finishing books these days.

28. What color are your eyes? Blue

29. What did you watch on TV last night? The new 90210. Don't judge.

30. How annoyed are you Andria forced you to answer one of these stupid emails for a Weekly Special? SO PISSED : )  (she knows I'm joking; who doesn't love talking about herself?)