On the House Read 9:00 PM

I’m so glad I’m back on Twitter because otherwise I would have missed out on news of this free-for-a-month download of Uglies. This one’s been on my to-read list for awhile. I really can’t vouch for the quality, but it seems to be popular amongst the teen set, so obviously it’s my speed. And, I know I could get it from the library, but it’s one of those waiting list things, which means I’ll have to hurry up and return it... Anyway, it’s another series, and here is the enticing blurb:

Uglies is set in a world in which everyone has an operation when they turn sixteen, making them supermodel beautiful. Big eyes, full lips, no one fat or skinny. You might think this is a good thing, but it’s not. Especially if you’re one of the Smokies, a bunch of radical teens who’ve decided they want to keep their own faces. (How anti-social of them.)

Uglies is a trilogy-plus-one, with Extras being a “companion novel” and told from a different point of view. All four Uglies books have been New York Times bestsellers!

Ooo. Creepy pretty people. I’m in.

And we simply must end with 8:30 AM

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I bring you… the Barrel Monster 10:00 AM

I really cannot express how awesome I think this is. Too bad the artist totally got charged for his creation.

There’s an entire fan page for the Barrel Monster on Facebook, with this recent contribution. It’s not terribly clever, but I ask you, who can get enough of Tom Cruise’s maniacal laughter, paired with a stop-animation of the Barrel Monster eating a small city. Not me.

Despair is fun! 3:30 PM

We’ve all seen motivational posters hanging in office places, and likely have seen the posters that mock them, in emails, on websites and so forth, courtesy of despair.com. I love them. Currently, this one is my favorite.

This post is really a PSA, combined with our Weekly Special on pictures telling a story. Because, if you like de-motivational posters, you can totally make your own! Very easy, and a nice stress reliever, should you need one. Sarcasm always adds a little cheer to my day…

Enjoy!

Artsy Fartsy 12:34 AM

Ok, so no one is feeling inspired by my Art Weekly Special. . sad. I realized that I’m fairly boring, myself, when I really started looking around and fall into the mostly Family and Friends Photos category of “art” in my house, which is not surprising considering my love and passion for pictures. I have 3 “real” pieces:

corks from different varieties of wine hangs in the kitchen, above the sideboard.

 

and our dining room has these two pieces that pick up the colors so amazingly.

Although, I consider my furniture and decor (mirrors, clocks, etc.) and little knick-knacks to all be part of my aesthetic (we’ve deemed it Rustic Elegance. ha.) and I do love art, just don’t own much of it, I guess.

Beyond these, I have a wall of pictures in our stairwell that contains not just photographs, but also sketch drawings of each of the kids and us in Italy last summer and silhouette profiles of each of the kids, so I think it’s a nice mix.

I love personal pictures that tell a story, not just show people. In addition to the standard family photo over the mantel place (that just this year replaced the UGA end zone picture), wedding photos and kid photos, we have a collage frame with pictures of a helicopter from an Atlanta Nascar pre-race ceremony, shells on the beach at Tybee Island, our beach set up (umbrella, chairs with the hotel in the background) in Daytona where we went for several years, me on the beach, leaning against a palm tree from our first anniversary trip in Ft. Lauderdale, me in a vineyard in Italy, us on a camping trip before kids, pictures of grandparents now and then, us as younger kids, etc. I enjoy my sister’s house, because her husband is an excellent photographer and they have pictures that look like basic things, but they are ones he took and that mean something to them. Like a crab from their honeymoon in Hawaii. It’s a really cool picture of a crab, but it’s also awesome, because it’s one he took on a trip that had significance. I like that concept.

I also plugged this web site before, because I really think it’s unique.

And that concludes our discussion on art for the day, thank you.

Time Suckage: A History 3:00 PM

In spite of being a pretty organized, on-top-of-it girl while not parenting, I’m especially prone to time suckage. When I was younger, it was all about reading, to the point where it would draw commentary: Don’t you do anything other than read? I wish that were the case, these days. Reading, at least, seems to have higher value on the Time Suckage Scale of Relativity. But it is now squeezed in before bed or, if I’m feeling especially ambitious, while eating breakfast or cooking dinner. Mostly, the latter is too much to coordinate, as the Three Foot and Under Crowd usually demands whatever tiny little shred of resources I have remaining at my disposal.

TV also used to be a giant time sucker. Before the DVR, I used a VCR daily, and the list of shows on my Addiction List were too long to recount. Now, I still watch shows, still an avid user and admirer of the DVR. But the backlog is currently atrocious; I have five eps each of Gossip Girl and Privileged, an appalling three of Grey’s Anatomy, and just today caught up on the last two of Top Chef.

So what is it that I’m actually doing? Andi hit the nail on the head with her post on Lost Time. The children and my pesky habit of tending to their needs absolutely cannot escape blame here. But it seems like there’s something else there to blame…

Ah yes, the Interweb. I fully maintain that the Interweb is necessary for my sanity, but honestly, I may need to join a help group to curb my addiction. I’m never without some all-important item to research, or window-shop for, or post to a blog/Facebook. And yet, it’s never enough, somehow. I am forever checking and writing emails, and yet I can still (easily) remain behind in correspondence. I’ve slacked off on blogging regularly for a good month or two now. And I still have yet to pin down the perfect new stand for our fish tank. There will forever be a list of the Unsaid, the Undone, when it comes to the Interweb.

And yet, maybe it’s just life. Maybe the biggest Time Sucker is really time itself. The clock, the calendar, they need to slow down. I would still like to petition for a 28-hour day. Maybe I can get that movement started—I just need to look up a few things online…

E*Trade Baby Outtakes 8:56 PM

I especially like the Time Out and Oh My Goodness... ones. Enjoy!

Good Luck NOT Staring at the Photo 6:00 AM

I recently stumbled upon The Pioneer Woman.com and am pretty sure I'm in love.

How have I missed this chronicle of life on a working cattle ranch with a dose of motherhood and a splash of chefage?! Haven't I been a good blog reader? A good internet comber? And here was Ree, the PW, writing fantastic posts, taking killer good pictures, whipping up all sorts of delish meals DOING THE VERY THING THAT I WANT TO DO and where have I been? Who knows.

I am absolutely floored with PW, which could have something to do with my insane jealousy, but let's not get rash in our accusations. It's still early yet (but exactly when does one become a fan girl?).

One of the main reasons that I am without a doubt hooked is her series 'Black Heels to Tractor Wheels' which details how she went from living in the city in a golf course community to falling in love and marrying her cowboy husband, Marlboro Man. I have made it through number 23 and cannot wait to get back to read the next, oh, 20 installments.

This stuff is good y'all, and I'm not just saying that because I have a fine appreciation for a cowboy. More specifically, a cowboy in chaps. Which she posts pictures of, BTW.

Ahem.

(ripped directly from The Pioneer Woman)

I can see it in your eyes... You'll be clicking on over momentarily, won't you?

Oh, and if you are a bit squeamish on the whole working ranch bit, be sure to check out the whole list of posts about their dogs. I have only read a few, but this one made me laugh out loud, especially the last picture and caption.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have legitimate work that I need to postpone while I go read PW. I wonder if I can somehow wrangle (get it?!) this site into my research and thesis... Yes?

Bored? 12:41 PM

Try Bored.com
It's got pages and pages of games. And you can look by category for the types of games you like to play. I'll be honest, I haven't played many of them, but there are some that look pretty good. Going last this week, I had to come up with something that hasn't already been mentioned, but I do have one or two specific ones still up my sleeve.

Boomshine
It's additictively simple - you only click once on each level! Then, you just watch as your colored circles explode and try to catch as many bystanders in the color blob explosion - each level has a different number you have to collect, so trust me, it's addictive. When you start out, you'll feel overly confident, but once you get up there, it does get more challenging. And, thus, more addictive to get your one click right. It's so simple, you just can't walk away until you've beaten it. Which, it says only like 4% do, but I'm not sure. . I think there's some fuzzy math. Maybe on the first try, but you get to keep trying each level until you pass it, so it's not like you have to start all the way over (which I have done no less that 30 times already while typing this post to try to beat level 12. Damn this game!) Seems like I read a Georgia Tech email address on it when I used to play before, so I think the guy that created it went to GT?

Mahjongg
I'm still a fan, even though it's been around a while and has multiple versions now.

Alchemy
It took me a while to find it, but I used to play this game a lot and enjoy it. You have to match each tile either by color or symbol and try to fill out rows and columns until they disappear. Be careful putting colors next to each other, because if you have 3 around one square you can't play anything there, unless two symbols are the same. It's hard to explain, but it's fun and challenging. It's nice, because it will highlight tiles that will accept the symbol showing, but if you can't play it, you have to discard and your lava level rises until you can play again.

So, have fun not working this week!

Zuma! 7:15 AM

My sister introduced me to Zuma!, and now I can't. stop. playing. I mean, how could you stop playing a game where an ancient frog-like creature in a supposed Aztec-type temple is spitting what appears to be colored billiard balls at a zig-zagging line of colored billiard balls for points? Did I mention there are shiny coins, too?

I think that Zuma! achieves the perfect balance between ease and challenge. There are no secret codes or levels to unlock or complicated key sequences that help you skip levels. There are no additional components required. As long as you've got a mouse and a spacebar, you can be a winner! But it's not so easy that it bores me a level or two into the game.

The best part is when you complete a board, this tribal chant voice says "ZUMA!" I don't know what "zuma" means, but it sure does make me feel awesome.

Thank You: Ode to the Blogosphere. 7:07 AM

As much as I still love the old pen-and-ink, I have to express my utmost gratitude to the blogosphere. It's given me a forum for writing the good, the bad, and the ugly; the mundane and the manic; the important and the insignificant.

But beyond that, it has given me a place to meet with you - yes, you. It's what brought the Smartinis together - don't forget that I am the only one who has the honor of knowing all of the Smartinis in real life. Others have e-relationships that started in the comment section of various blogs linked to the right. And there are others in the blogosphere for whom I have the same connection: the illustrious and indomitable Mendacious and the enigmatic and insightful Kurt. It's given me a way to reconnect to people I actually do know and love - Tempe and Megan - and given me a way to stay connected to those with whom I never really lost touch but now feel like I can "talk to" on a daily basis.

The blogosphere, though seemingly just a cold, vague circuitry void, is actually like a great big cyber hug. I love coming here - to the Bar or the Jungle or the (Mis)Adventures - and finding out what's going on out there. I love blogging my little heart out and knowing that the comments section is going to lift me up and carry me through - whether with wit or sympathy.

So thank you for your heart, blogosphere. Some may think you're the Tin Man, but I know better. Here's to the love.

4 Score 10:00 AM

4 places you’ve lived: Vestal, NY; Raleigh, NC; Chicago, IL; Wilmington, NC

4 jobs you’ve had: ice cream scooper, writing consultant, customer service rep, mama

4 cars you’ve had: 1997 Mazda Protege, 2003 Honda Civic. That’s it!

4 websites you’d be lost without: google, amazon, blogger, BBC News Americas

4 foods you love: dark chocolate, NY style pizza, brie and bread, spinach dip

4 role models or people that have influenced you: my mom, J.Lo, mendacious, my pal Jamie

4 events in your life that have shaped you: moving South, grad school, some of the former a-holes I’ve dated, motherhood

4 drinks you order: rum and coke, pinot grigio, water, sweet tea

4 movies you could watch again and again: You’ve Got Mail, About a Boy, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club

4 things that comfort you/bring you comfort: chocolate, movies, emailing good pals, J/K/N.Lo hugs

4some 6:37 AM

4 places I've lived: Augusta, GA; Savannah, GA; Rome, GA; Woodstock, GA

4 jobs I've had: Taekwondo instructor; housekeeping (dorms in college, ick!) giving tours of campus in college, Project Director for virtual reality marketing research company

4 cars I've had: '86 Chrysler (it talked! "a door is ajar"), '93 Honda Civic (lease, I cried when we had to turn it back in. My dad expected to be able to roll it over into a new lease, but they weren't negotiating, so we walked away), '98 Mitsubishi Montero Sport (the lease ending worked out eventually), '03 GMC Yukon

4 foods I love: sweets, peanut butter, Boston Market sweet potatoes, french fries

4 drinks I order: wine, Long Island Iced Tea (best bang for the buck), margaritas, I don't usually order out, but prefer to BYO - especially not being beer drinkers, we were well known to have a cooler with us at all times.

4 web sites I'd be lost without: Blogger, Dictionary.com, Google Maps (literally, ha!), Snapfish.

4 role models or people that have influenced me: High school Latin teacher, Taekwondo Instructor, Marketing Professor in college, Hubby

4 events in your life that have shaped you: attending and graduating college, getting married, the births of my children

4 movies I could watch again and again: Ever After, Good Will Hunting, Dirty Dancing, Notting Hill

4 Things that give me comfort: Hugs, white noise and blankets to sleep, being at the lake, pictures

Ashtini, in fourths 6:50 AM

*4 places you've lived: 1) Rossville, Ga. 2) WVille, Ga. 3) Clara 102 4) Grace Street

* 4 jobs you've had: 1) Underglorified secretary at real estate office 2) Slopping slop in the dining hall 3) Tour Guide 4) Creative director at a marketing firm

* 4 cars you've had: 1) 1988 Ford Taurus (which I unequivocally hated) 2) 1989 Honda Accord, baby blue with pop-up lights (which I absolutely adored) 3) 1998 Toyota Corolla (which I had in the body shop so frequently, the guys in Wilmington knew me) 4) 2006 Toyota Rav4

* 4 web sites you'd be lost without: 1) IMDB.com 2) PerezHilton.com 3) Wikipedia 4) Google Images

* 4 foods you love: 1) Chocolate (I know it seems a cop out, but I do truly love it beyond almost anything) 2) Fried chicken 3) Justin's corn chowder 4) Mama's sourdough bread

* 4 role models or people that have influenced you: 1) Mama 2) Ms. Vesta 3) Jane Austen 4) J.K. Rowling

* 4 events in your life that have shaped you: 1) Moving to Wilmington/Grad school 2) The Panic 3) Dillon's birth 4) Ronnie's death

* 4 drinks you order: 1) Miller Light 2) Cosmopolitan 3) Diet Coke! 4) Pinot Grigio

* 4 movies you could watch again and again: 1) Bridget Jones' Diary 2) Clue 3) Singing in the Rain 4) Love Actually

* 4 things that comfort you/bring you comfort: 1) Kudzu curled up in my lap sleeping 2) Listening to Nick Drake's Pink Moon album on the iPod 3) Writing 4) Losing myself in a good book

LIT MOB 9:30 AM

Since we’re on the topic of books this week, I’d like to draw your attention to a new book reviews site, Lit Mob. It’s just book reviews, brief and to the point, of recent book releases the Lit Mob authors feel worth a person’s time. As they say,

“We won’t love them all, and we won’t be afraid to voice our opinion.  We are independent, intelligent, and LOVE books - just like you.”

Ah. Refreshing.

The only thing I don’t jive with is their apparent shunning of Harry Potter books, but whatevs. No one is perfect. I can disregard certain peccadilloes for the sake of additional great books.

It's All About the Smooth, Man 6:41 PM

I cannot quite explain to you the greatness of Yacht Rock!. Like a tropical concoction featuring large amounts of rum and served with a little paper umbrella in a hollowed-out pineapple, it makes you a bit queasy, but you just can't stop drinking in the mellow tunes. I think that at its core, Yacht Rock! is about awesomely bad costumes (including John Oates' mustache) and exploring all that's heroic about Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins. But beware - once you start watching, you'll be in the "danger zone." Take it away, Hollywood Steve.

Cleaning Up the Bar: Part 2 8:30 AM

Vinegar! It’s one of those strangely versatile substances like baking soda. As part of my ongoing on Homemade Cleaners Series, I thought I’d go over my own uses for vinegar when cleaning up the bar:

• A spray-bottle cleaner where the ratio is 1:1, water to vinegar. Not a big fan of the smell, but it’s a good, effective all-purpose.
• In the dishwasher, use in conjunction with, or instead of, Jet Dry.
• For lingering odors, like when we fry up fish or whatever, I put out a small glass bowl of straight-up vinegar and leave it out until it’s evaporated. No more waking up to the smell of fish grease in the morning.
• Cleaning out the coffee machine. Brew a full pot. Your machine may have a “clean” cycle that you have to turn on specially for this process—I don’t know if that makes a difference. Either way, once your pot of vinegar has been brewed, your machine is good as new. No rinsing required.

*Bonus, not at all related to cleaning, but I can’t pass up an opportunity to make you even more Smartini: put a splash of vinegar in the water when you hard-boil eggs. They will be a lot easier to peel. It’s true.

For an additional laundry list on the wide world of vinegar, see The Vinegar Institute, which also informs us that May is National Vinegar Month. HOW did we miss this at the bar. Were we too busy celebrating Cinco de Mayo?

Cleaning Up the Bar: Part 1 3:00 PM

So, I have a reputation around this establishment as being something of a “queen of home remedies.” It’s true, you’ll often find me at the bar after hours, scrubbing down the countertops with my homemade cleaning solutions. I find it a good form of stress relief, a way to restore order to a disordered world. And I make most of my own cleaners, not necessarily because I’m an all-natural gal, but because I’m a cheap bastard. Some of my cleaners do happen to be all-natural and non-toxic, which I appreciate, but some of them could melt your face off. Which means they are damn good cleaners.

I’ve spent the better part of a year really getting into this homemade cleaners thing, and I’ve learned a thing or two—one of those things being that sometimes, it’s not worth it to make your own. But a lot of times, it is. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting a series of Smartini ways to clean up the bar, when and how to make cleaners, and web sites I’ve found helpful in this venture.

Two rules: Remember that this cleaning series is based on just one barmaid’s experience. Secondly, please don’t assume that just because I make the cleaners and use them on occasion that my house is, um… pristine. Because it’s really not. I’m just a frugal girl who has to clean up the house every now and then.

Recipe 1: The Friendly All-Purpose Cleaner

I like to use this cleaner on food surfaces, and any other surfaces my kids spend a lot of time around. The ExerSaucer, for instance. It’s very simple, and I found it on Dot Com Women.

Mix 4 tbsp baking soda and 1 quart warm water in a spray bottle. Shake. And you’re done.

Spray bottles can be picked up at Target. You can go with either the kind in the 99-cent bin by all the travel supplies—they come in pretty colors and nice small sizes (you may have to half this recipe), or fork out a little more for the bigger, “industrial” spray bottle located in the cleaning supplies sections by the brooms and mops. I bought a few of the 99-cent ones before realizing that between my klutziness and my two-year-old’s *exuberance,* they are maybe not the most economical choice. Best to fork out for the nicer bottle, if you’re in this homemade cleaners thing for the long haul.

My biggest complaint about this cleaner is that sometimes, it tends to leave behind tiny white spots from the baking soda. But if you read the recipe, it does say to “rinse with clear water.” I had not previously noticed this instruction, and just mopped up with a paper towel or rag. Which leads me to my last point of the day: even though you’re at the bar, it’s best if you don’t drink and clean.

Bartender's Choice: Products by Amy Krouse Rosenthal 4:00 PM

One of my favorite books, as both a reader and a writer, is Amy Krouse Rosenthal's Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. As the Foreword proclaims, "I was not abused, abandoned, or locked up as a child. My parents were not alcoholics, nor were they ever divorced or dead. We did not live in poverty, or in misery, or in an exotic country... I have not survived against all odds. I have not lived to tell. I have not witnessed the extraordinary." Yeah, well, me either. So it gives me hope that another "ordinary" someone out there has managed to find something personal and non-fiction to write about and make into a book.

Or, as it turns out, several books. I happened on this site recently, and it lists EoaOL, along with other books and products by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. This woman's clever, y'all, and seriously cool. Every single one of these products screamed "gift!" to me: instead of a baby book, how about a Birthday Book, which chronicles a kid's birthday celebrations over 18 years. Or a book to record your little one's "sweet and amusing sayings." Thinking less as a parent and more as the naval-gazing narcissist that I am, these are both books I would have loved to see filled out about myself while growing up. Then there's good and bad Karma Checks, and the States of Mind journal, among the other gems.

I couldn't tell you how AKR managed to get this entire line of products into market, and I can't say I'd actually fork over the dough to buy any of them for our own family, but for gifts, I would give them serious consideration. And then, be advised, there are also the children's books. For all of her alleged ordinariness, I heart AKR.

PSA: Top Chef Recipes 9:00 AM

Word is they serve higher-end Bar Food at classier establishments. But if you've always aspired to cook like Richard Blais or Antonia Lofaso, you can now look up the recipes used on Top Chef during Quickfire and Elimination challenges. Frankly, I'm not about to try a recipe that calls for "large pieces of Hamachi belly" and 1 cup of "sweetbread nuggets," because um, excuse me while I share my real feelings with the Porcelain Gods. But other recipes look much more appealing, and some are even plausible. Granted, it's probably never going to happen, me in the kitchen cooking up a dish that calls for "coppa ham," because well, I don't even know what coppa ham is, or where to buy it. But that's not the point of Top Chef. The point of Top Chef is to watch and dream about eating and cooking such pretty foods, to pretend you are the kind of person who would actually ingest BRAINS.

And while you're perusing through the recipes, you can vote on who you think will be the NEXT Top Chef. My money's on Richard, in spite of the Hamachi and sweetbreads. Or Stephanie. But please, please don't let it be Lisa.