shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Friday, October 17, 2008

WTFriday: Thystleliciousness

So this really isn't a WTF? WTFriday. This is a WineThystleFriday.

That's right, I am showcasing one of the funniest lists I have read in a long time today, and it just so happens to be from Miss Thystle at Wine Makes Thystle Clever. (Thanks to Lorrie who is bringing the blog world together, one reader at a time.)

**Miss Thystle, who I swear could be a Southern girl with the way she likes to cleave, if you know what I mean, isn't afraid to type a word or two that may be against the code of conduct here at the bar. Not that we don't say those words ourselves... DAILY... mind you.**

Rocka-My-Baby

Couldn't sleep again last night, and I've got nothing to blog about today. So I decided to make y'all a list of the various, insightful and thoughtful things that I thunk about as I was laying there thinking.

* You know what sounds super dirty, but isn't? The word batter. As in "oh, whip that batter, baby. Whip it until STIFF PEAKS form. Ooh, you know how Big Daddy likes his batter sweet. You want to lick the batter of my beater, don't you?". See? DIRTY.

* I bet the debate would have been more watchable if Joe & Sarah had consented to the pudding-wrestling round. That's how all elections should be run. Once you discover who is most willing to shove some one's face into a kiddie pool of Kozy Shak and shout, "TAKE THAT, B*", that's who you should vote for.

*I really like the way the Brit's use slang. I should start saying "nutter" and "wanker" and "brill".

* What do you call those little dots in the middle of the time? The ones that look like umlauts, except sideways? I should get up and Google that.

* Right now, it's 5 side ways dot-dot one five am on Saturday in the Philippines.

* Is it FILL-a-Peens or PILL-a-peens? I should call a random number over there and ask.

* I wonder whatever happened to the chick that played the robot on Small Wonder? What the hell was that robots name? Vicki. That's right. I've had three bosses called Vicki. I wonder if they were robots? I bet at least one of them was. That would explain why she never peed one time in five years. That show was good. I like shows that suspend belief. Like Pushing Daisy's. I should start dressing like Chuck. I love that era.

* But that would require wearing nylons. And we all know where THAT leads.

* Damn. I could totally eat some waffles right now.

* Did I remember to put the clothes in the dryer?

* WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL. Damn, dog, you are NOT RIGHT.

* Seriously, you can TASTE that stink. I still want waffles though.

* If I stick my legs straight up in the air, my thighs look really good. Wonder if it works for my arms too? Totally does. I bet it would look weird if someone saw me right now. I totally look like a cartoon dead guy.

* z-y-x-w-v-u-t-s-r EFF*. I would be SO EFFED* if I got this as my sobriety test.

* Should I dress up for Halloween this year? Or is it too tarty? HA! I just stuck a brit-ism into a sentence! That rocks. Anyway, Halloween...hm. I COULD be Mrs. Roper. I bought that wicked cool mumu at the Sal that would totally work.

* NO! MAGDA. I'll be Magda.

* I should totally trick or treat.

* Ah, rember when M was a baby and she called it Trink or Treat? That was so cute. It's only a matter of time before she stops saying "Balentimes" too, I bet.

* And when she thought the moon was a cookie? And she was jumping up and down in the yard trying to get it? That was cute. Almost a cute as when she used to yell "I WUNNERFULL!" when she was pleased with herself. Or run up and down the halls calling for "Drama Dulie". Or stamping her little foot and muttering "Damn it, damn it, damn it."

* Kids are so cute!

* I hate kids.

* Oompa, loompa, doompadee do, I've got a-nother message for you....

* Dude. This cell phone is wicked bright. How the hell did I get three voice mails yesterday? No. I do not want to refinance my house. Are you kidding me with this shit? Yeah, yeah, pay the cable bill. And a hang up. Nice. No one ever calls me.

* I should be a phone sex operator, people would totally call me then.

* Ah, that makes me think of college. Good times, good times.

* Wonder whatever happened to Janice. Remember how she used to steal my clothes. That sucked. I hope she got that acne cleared up. Her face looked like hamburger.

* That was mean. Am I a mean person? Probably.

* I'm such a wanker.

* HA! DID IT AGAIN!

I can only imagine how much I would laugh at this list after I've had a few glasses of wine... Perhaps I should do that tonight!

For insight on two of the items mentioned here, I call on Karen and Molly: Karen's got some inside knowledge on the Phillipines and Molly on the phone sex operator business. Get to it, girls.

6 tips left at the bar:

sheila said...

I just discovered Miss Thystle thru LV & BJ, and think this is hysterical!! Free-flowing thoughts are the funniest, plus it's nice to know I'm not alone in my randomness.

Have a great weekend girls!!

Miss Thystle said...

You like me! You really like me!

PS. I smoked my scepter, may I have another?

Megan said...

Are y'all wondering what MT is talking about with this 'I smoked my scepter' business? Well, you see, I told Miss Thystle that seeing as how I was a bona fide Southerner and she was damn close to fitting the bill herself, that I would bestow the title of Honorary Southern Princess on her. Complete with a pink ice synthetic gemstone tiara and a menthol Marlboro Lights scepter.

And now look at her! She's gone and smoked her scepter already!

miss thystle said...

Oh, come on Megan, you KNOW they thought it was something else, or a euphamism for something at least.

And I'm not THAT kind of Southern Girl. As far as y'all can prove anyway.

Lorrie Veasey said...

OMGosh it really is A SMALL BLOG WORLD AFTER ALL.

I lerve The Thystle. I have always Lerved the thystle and thought she was Most Brilliant.

Just promise you won't love her more than me because that would be like the episode of The Brady Bunch when Davy Jones starred in it.

PSO said...

I think Miss Thystle would be a brilliant phone sex operator!