shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Friday, October 24, 2008

B & A: TWO

Two children, that is.

BEFORE two children, when I had just one, parenting seemed so easy-peasy. I was all Zen mama, with seriously low or no expectations of what each day or moment would bring. I rolled with the punches like never before. Had all the time in the world. Went wherever, whenever, with baby in tow. Had my frustrations, sure, but overall, felt it was a breeze. K.Lo was a delight. A tiny charmer who didn’t yet walk or talk. Who wouldn’t walk or talk until such point that I, thinking it was all so damn easy, was already knocked up with the second.

The pregnancy was fun. Interesting. Sometimes, I’m not quite sure how we all made it out alive.

AFTER two children? Zen mama I am not. Roll with the punches I do not. On my best days, maybe, sure. On not-best days, the tightrope walk gets to me. Like when K.Lo in all her exuberance disturbs N.Lo during his nap. Or when one or the other wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. And my mind, in its Not-Zen-ness, reels forward through all the definitive outcomes of the action, and I throw up my hands.

I try for the Zen, I track it and attempt to pin it down again, but too hard, because clearly the state of Zen can only be obtained when one is not trying. Like so many other things. Not seeking it out is sometimes the only thing that works.

But I also think Zen is very difficult to attain or achieve when in the presence of a toddler. Toddlers are so Not Zen. At least mine is not. She is still a delight, a little taller now. But grown tenfold in volume and spirit.

And even aside from temperament, two-year-olds are so… raw and unformed as people. It’s not their fault, but is this obviousness easy to remember when the Zen mama cloud slips through one’s fingers yet again? No, no it is not.

Luckily (for all), there is a common thread woven through this B & A: the Enjoyment Factor. I may not be all deep-breathing and chill, AFTER, as compared to BEFORE. But I see so many things every day, even the most Not-Zen days, that make me smile, laugh, and even cry-in-a-good-way. Times two.

4 tips left at the bar:

sheila said...

Zen-ness or not, you sure make motherhood sound nice!

mendacious said...

so THAT's what you've been up to!

niki said...

I think you just convinced me that I'm not ready for a second dog. At least, not until I've got back-up. I can't even imagine dealing with two small children; I bet you are way, way more Zen than most because at least you are thinking about it!

penelope said...

And two dogs! I've got two dogs added into the fray!

I will say that the two of them are BFFs and are lower maintenance together than they are apart, unlike the children... but training a new dog, boy that's a commitment!