How did you acquire your fortune?
Obvi, The Lo.Co. rocketed me to fame and fortune, followed closely by (Mis)Adventures and Smartini. I haven't quite figured out how yet, but hell, dooce did it, and I'm at least as charming as Heather B. Armstrong. Snarf.*
Where is your primary place of residence?
I live the quiet life high up in the mountains of North Carolina, in a ginormous house that dwarfs Andi McDowell's *hovel.* Fellow Smartini Barmaid Niki actually lives right down the street.
Where are your vacation homes?
A brownstone in NYC. A beach house in Cali, so I can visit M whenever necessary. A condo in Orlando for our family vacays. A modest, as in huge, decked out, flat in London. And I suppose, you know, something tropical. I'll have to have my people look into it. Also, Smartini Sista Andi has been kind enough to grant me first-class passage onto her private jet for impromptu visits to Megan's Waffle House-funded Texas ranch and Tempe's Lucy Nell restaurant (we stay at the brownstone).
How do you spend your days?
Writing The Lo.Co. series. My diligent staff of Personal Assistants attends to all the other *details.* The children, etc.
What is the name and mission of your charitable organization?
One assistant mentioned something recently about home-based philanthropy? Something about letters and writing checks and helping people out of *the goodness of my own heart.* That sounded cute.
Who is your celebrity BFF?
The entire cast of "The Office." I think I would probably get along best with Pam, while secretly admiring Jim.
Other than your multiple homes, what are your other millionaire indulgences? As you'll see on the upcoming season of MTV's "Cribs," my home is my primary indulgence. It's all about creating a casual, comfortable, and yet fantastically pimped-out environment. I like home movie theaters, state-of-the-art kitchens, indoor pools, professionally designed landscaping, fireplaces, really large showers, ample deck space, and because I love my husband, a game room and a couple of hot cars in the driveway. Just, you know, a few small trifles to get us through the day.
*You see here how I have shamelessly used this Weekly Special to whore out each of my blogs. But it is my dream, to make boatloads of money from this material someday. And here at Smartini, we do not piss on dreams.
4 tips left at the bar:
I thought it was great you linked us all together even in our fantasy worlds. One day, I am sure you will be raking in the money - I am confident you are sitting on a gold mine with The Lo.Co.
Can we change our tagline to "Here at Smartini, we do not piss on dreams"? I love that.
Hopefully one day soon I'll for reals live down the street from you! (In a totally pimped out crib, naturally.)
Thanks, Niki. I'm sort of in love with it as a tagline, myself. Hee. :)
That Andi, bringing us all together with her fat daddy jet! I can't wait! Surely one of us will reach such high aspirations and take the others along, right? Right!
Watch a computer screen near you for a fab new tag line!
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