Hit or Miss? 11:59 PM

Not going to do a full fashion recap of the SAG Awards, but this dress has me confused.

What do ya'll think, did Sandra Bullock get it right or wrong?

I give her a C+. The color scheme is good, but that's about it. It kind of fits her funny in the middle, and if you click on the "detail" at the top, you can see how shoulder-paddy it looks. Um, Sandra, it's not 1984 and feathers are almost always a "don't." Cute clutch, though!

Clamshell Bonus 1:37 AM

With my extra clams, I’d get my (desperately needed dose of) retail therapy in the following ways:

~new kicks for running. I know we’re not supposed to get things we *need* but if Niki gets to pick out yoga mats and pants, then I get to keep shoes on my list. Maybe even two pair, since I supposedly technically should have different types for running versus taking my kickboxing class at the gym?

~cute clothes for myself and the kids. I’d love some good boots, tights, skirts, skirts and sweater dresses – and the body to pull them off, please (ok, so I know that goes waaay beyond the bonus, but a girl can dream, right?). And fun places to wear them to. I kind of have a thing for coats, so another one wouldn’t hurt, right? I especially love the jewel blue color that’s popular this season. I can’t justify spending this kind of money, unless it’s pretend and then I go a little crazy.

~fix my CD player in the car or get XM radio.

~new laptop just for me. with LOTS of storage for my pictures.

So, I may be over my limit, but who’s really counting? Even just one of these would make me happy as a clam.

Clamshell Fairy > Tooth Fairy 10:20 PM

Not that I've been thinking about this or anything, but I'd probably buy:

This yoga mat, $70

New yoga pants, perhaps like these, $55

A bike, $??

Tennis racquet, $??

Tennis coach, $??

Wine, $??

Clamshell fairy, I'm way grateful and don't mean to be greedy, but I'm also gonna need some new boots, sweater dresses, and suits for work. If one of the other bartenders doesn't make her shift, can I get her $500?

Biker bar 9:43 AM

Just in case you were as clueless as I about the upcoming trends for Fall, check them out here. Biker chic, boxy, thigh-highs, neon, monotone head-to-toe and mixed prints, what fun!? As the article suggests we all should be able to use things we already own, I'm sure Pen has several of these items to throw into her bags as she packs for her NY trip!

WTFug Friday 8:34 AM

It's worth being late for work to post this. Not the biggest fan of Lady GaGa. Although I admit to sometimes singing "Poker Face" or "Just Dance," mostly I loathe her. I get her schtick is her schtick, but meh, Madonna did it better. I also get that she has to dress the part when she goes in public and knows she's going to be photographed. But Really? At the AIRPORT? Really?

That studded jacket is going to hurt when she tries to recline in her seat. Just sayin'.

More loveliness at Dlisted (where you can truly see how pointy those studs really are. hee. did i just accidentally make a dirty joke?)

Artsy Fartsy 12:34 AM

Ok, so no one is feeling inspired by my Art Weekly Special. . sad. I realized that I’m fairly boring, myself, when I really started looking around and fall into the mostly Family and Friends Photos category of “art” in my house, which is not surprising considering my love and passion for pictures. I have 3 “real” pieces:

corks from different varieties of wine hangs in the kitchen, above the sideboard.

 

and our dining room has these two pieces that pick up the colors so amazingly.

Although, I consider my furniture and decor (mirrors, clocks, etc.) and little knick-knacks to all be part of my aesthetic (we’ve deemed it Rustic Elegance. ha.) and I do love art, just don’t own much of it, I guess.

Beyond these, I have a wall of pictures in our stairwell that contains not just photographs, but also sketch drawings of each of the kids and us in Italy last summer and silhouette profiles of each of the kids, so I think it’s a nice mix.

I love personal pictures that tell a story, not just show people. In addition to the standard family photo over the mantel place (that just this year replaced the UGA end zone picture), wedding photos and kid photos, we have a collage frame with pictures of a helicopter from an Atlanta Nascar pre-race ceremony, shells on the beach at Tybee Island, our beach set up (umbrella, chairs with the hotel in the background) in Daytona where we went for several years, me on the beach, leaning against a palm tree from our first anniversary trip in Ft. Lauderdale, me in a vineyard in Italy, us on a camping trip before kids, pictures of grandparents now and then, us as younger kids, etc. I enjoy my sister’s house, because her husband is an excellent photographer and they have pictures that look like basic things, but they are ones he took and that mean something to them. Like a crab from their honeymoon in Hawaii. It’s a really cool picture of a crab, but it’s also awesome, because it’s one he took on a trip that had significance. I like that concept.

I also plugged this web site before, because I really think it’s unique.

And that concludes our discussion on art for the day, thank you.

WTF Wednesday Night 8:43 PM

There are no words. I truly thought I couldn't dislike these two people more, but as it turns out, I can.

Courtesy of Dlisted

Product Placement 11:19 PM

Because I still have two days to do my taxes, I wanted to put some good karma out in the world (sort of a karma offset in light of recent bad karma I have been giving off), and this seemed the best way to do it.

Last week I had one of those mornings. You know. Where you hate everything in your closet, your makeup bores you, and even your shampoo is depressing you. I can't afford new clothes, don't really understand makeup, and find it difficult to find decent sulfate-free shampoo, so I decided to jazz up my life with a little jewelry. 

Ordinarily the most you'll get from me is one of four of my signature glass rings that I bought from the same street artist in Charlottesville. I love, love, love her and she is probably the single most awesome thing I miss about that city. Yes. Even more than falafel salads from Sticks which I miss dearly like every day at lunchtime. I digress.  Every so often I wear a necklace, but that generally corresponds with impending jury trials and even then there is no guarantee.  For whatever reason, I just flat out quit wearing earrings. Have no idea why.

Bottom line: I'm not a jewelry girl. More importantly: The jewelry I do like must be unique. Not a fan of traditional diamonds/pearls/rubies/etc. I like funky stuff that is also quality and not just bohemian. Yeah, I know. Picky.

I decided I needed to start wearing earrings and trotted over to Etsy, a site I'd been wanting to try for awhile (I think one of the barmaids even mentioned it on the blog once upon a time).  Spent the entire morning shopping online instead of doing work. Awesome. Ultimately, I bought three pair. 

THE POINT OF THIS ENTIRE STUPID BLOG POST: Today I received two out of three of the earrings and not only are they even more beautiful in person, but both of the artists sent me a free gift!! I Know. So you see, I just had to give them mad props here on the blog in case any of you are in the market for some Etsy jewelry (or you know, not in the market but could be persuaded).

Isle of Montserrat earrings from Lavender Moon Jewelry

The seller sent me a similar, more dangly pair in red. They are gorgeous as well, although not sure they are "me." May send them to my mother.

Satellite earrings from WANTZIT

This seller sent me a cute little red/pink pendant which I think will look sweet on a simple silver chain. Can't wait to wear that as well!

Why are you still reading this? Go buy some cool stuff from these and other artists on Etsy!

Curious about the other pair I bought?  Check these "Nice Girl Earrings - Loopy version" from Metalheart Design (and damn I wish I'd seen the "hammered version" before just now!).  Apparently each pair is custom made, so she will be sending these along in about a week. Overall, this is my favorite shop of the three, so if this transaction goes well, I'll most likely be purchasing from there again...like, as soon as I get paid in May!

Men of the Oscars 11:35 AM

(Hitting even more snags finding save-able pictures of the men, so we're gonna have to link it up a lot on this one.)


Mickey Rourke just straight up gives me the creeps, and this ensemble didn't do anything to dissuade me from that view.

And yet, I have to give him some props for not going the traditional tuxedo route. He just can't help but be skeezy Mickey Rourke, I guess, so kudos to him for keepin' it real. 

I love me some Robert Downey, Jr., and I'm also a big fan of the non-bowtie tux.  

Confidential to Phillip Seymour Hoffman:  You are one of the best actors of our generation, no question.  That is no excuse to leave the house with that ugly box on your head.

Is it just me or did Anthony Hopkins lose a bunch of weight?  Props to him for going the non-bowtie route - makes him look modern and hip, although his beautiful wife helps a little, too.

Zac Efron

I can't decide how I feel about Efron in general, but he definitely looked dapper (even if his presence there was questionable).  I'd probably make out with him. (Is that saying much?) 

John Legend = one of the best dressed men and his girlfriend is not too shabby either.


Yeah, yeah, Brad Pitt in a tux. Snooze. Not feelin' the goatee, Brad. Not at all.  

As he admitted in his acceptance speech, he sometimes makes it difficult to like him, but I happen to love Sean Penn, politics and all.  He rocked an all-black look that was slightly unique and pretty hot.

Edward Cullen Robert Pattinson

Did he look a little high? Maybe.  Like he was still in Twilight makeup?  A little.  Did he still make women ages 8 to 58 swoon?  Absolutely.

Two Thumbs Up 9:43 PM

Taraji Henson

Love the dress, love the hair, love the necklace, but most of all love how happy she looks. And is that a red purse? Hot. Your movie sucked (Benjamin Button - don't waste those hours), but you made a great Academy Awards debut Taraji!

Viola Davis

Beyonce's mom would've made this dress look like a hooker, but you pull it off with class.  Just enough sparkle to be interesting, but not enough to be tacky. On any other person, I might not like it.  I have no idea who you are, but I am insanely jealous of your curly locks and your cleavage. Fierce! 

Anne Hathaway

At first I was not a big fan, but then she completely won me over somehow.  She looks like the embodiment of old-school Hollywood glamourous.  I think I may be developing a slight girl-crush on Ms. Hathaway.

Just because I love it so much, Freida Pinto bears repeating:

Some critics are saying this is an "old" look, as in she's dressing for the 75 and up age bracket.  But I would disagree saying that her dress is a combo of modern Hollywood and traditional Indian saris. The asymmetrical neckline is awesome, the color rocks my world, and even the arm lace that didn't work for Sophia Loren adds a touch of elegance.  This dress would look beyond ridiculous if I tried to wear it, but she completely pulls it off.

For Friday I think I'm focusing on the hot (and not-so-hot) gentlemen, because who doesn't love eye candy at the end of the week?  That means that I wasn't able to get around to writing and posting about as many of the women as I'd hoped.  So I now open the comments as a free-for-all discussion on any atrocious or gorgeous lady I may have missed!  (i.e. Meryl Streep - classy but boring color? Reese Witherspoon - I cannot decide b/c blue and black combo was great, but WTF was up with the pattern? Vanessa Hudgens - why was she there?)

WTF Wednesday, Oscar edition. 9:59 PM

Miley Cyrus

 In case you can't tell, that's a seashell dress.  Yeah, a seashell dress.  It looks like the same person who decorates beach condos the world over threw up in dress form. Also, check out the back. Ugh. Hate it. Hate it. Hate the dress.  I will be nice, however, and say that Miley looks lovely excluding the dress. Actually, if the dress were not f-ing seashells, I could probably get behind it because the cut flatters her very well.  Ruby also pointed out her age-appropriate cleavage, and she looks positively giddy to be there. I just can.not.condone.seashells.  Oh, and why are you even at the Academy Awards??

Beyonce

Dear Beyonce, your mother is not a fashion designer. I think she has it out for you because everytime she designs you a dress for a fancy occasion you look pretty awful. In this particular number, she has outfitted you in a drape from Ozzy and Sharon's house. Sorry. Truth hurts sometimes. Love, Niki

Sophia Loren

The real tragedy is her makeup. She may be Hollywood royalty, but she was probably the biggest hot mess of the evening.  And that is saying a lot considering Tilda Swinton was there.

Speaking of Tilda Swinton

 Tilda, honey, in the United States of America you are allowed to show some skin. Even the Amish wear more flattering and risque clothes than this atrocity. I get your weird schtick, and I respect it, but you could at least dress like Bjork instead of a potato sack.  Are you even wearing a bra?

WTF, er, Wednesday...? 12:04 PM

Yes, I know I haven't done the WS yet. (Sorry, Niki.) And, I'm aware that's it's not Friday yet, so this WTF is a little early.

But I Just. Can't. Stand. It. This needs to be posted, stat:

Is anyone else as bothered by Pink's getup as I am? I mean, COME ON. Her "pirate" costume (that IS what it's supposed to be, right?) looks like it was designed the Queen of Hearts of Disney's Alice In Wonderland fame.

So, I ask: Separated at birth? Hmmm:

3 Good Ideas, 3 Iffy Executions 9:14 PM

Each of these women, I think, started out with a good idea.  Then, somewhere along the way, it went a little awry and just didn't quite materialize on the red carpet. One of the three ladies featured in today's post actually made my "best dressed" list. However, I've gleaned from the comments that some of you were not as pleased as I about her overall look.  And, if I'm being honest with myself, I also took issue with a couple of aspects of her outfit. 

So let's get to it. Kate Winslet.

Overall, I really like the dress. It's interesting but also minimal, and I'm almost always a fan of one-shoulder tops.  (I *may* have worn such dress to my high school graduation. Completely inappropriate, since it was a curve-hugging minidress, but damn it I was staking my independence from the oppressive high school regime. I digress.) Then again. . .the one shoulder here is a little awkward. It is sort of abrupt and angular, and not really fitting the flowy mood of the rest of the dress.  And the armpit of it is weird; I feel like it should be cut more narrow or something. I don't know the lingo, I don't sew.

Then we have the hair:

I actually really like her hair. It's very old Hollywood glam, and I think it fits the dress. The hair + makeup + only earrings = simplistic beauty to me.  However, now that the Lego-ness of it has been called to my attention by Sheila, I can't stop thinking about it.  So thanks for that, Sheila : )

At the end of the day, I still think she was one of the most gorgeous ladies of the evening; her sheer delight at winning was contagious.  But I also have to agree with Kate's 8-year-old daughter - a different color might have been a knock out.

Marisa Tomei

This dress is getting all kinds of mixed reviews.  The Fug Girls do a much better/funnier job of dissecting it than I could ever attempt to do, so you should totally check out their analysis.  They aptly point out the folded-napkin-ness of it all.  I mean yes, complete admirable attention to detail.  No one can deny the workmanship that went into this garment.  But really? Her one-strappy thing is also a little defunct and the train is too much. Yet, I can't say I don't like it. Sort of like with Kate, I feel like it fell just short of being phenomenal, and landed flat on its face (just like I did while running with the dog on Saturday).

She also has some hair problems. (You can see more hair views if you click the link on her name.) I can't get a good grasp of whether she has her hair tied back or not. It appears as though some of it is in a side ponytail, some of it not.  But if you take a step back from all that, it doesn't really look all that bad. It's sort of wispy and romantic.  I just don't know about this one. I just don't know.

Amy Adams

From most of the accounts I've read, she is getting totally trashed for this choice. I mean, it's not the best. dress. ever., but is it really that awful? Ok, maybe.  It's hard for me to be hard on this dress because in theory, I just love it. Red = good, interesting cut = good, black detailing = good.  It just all comes together sort of disastrously. 

Let's focus on the positives first. Her hair is simple but dress-appropriate.  Make-up looks great. Necklace kicks ass. Ok, ok. I know that one is going to be a divisive opinion, but I'm sticking to it. Love the chunky, gaudy, pebbly look of the necklace.  Does it go with the dress. . .I'm not sure yet.

The problems are so many, I don't even know where to start. The bodice is almost Moulin Rouge-y. In a bad way. If you don't believe me, check out this picture of the back. Ugh. It just hugs her all kinds of wrong and the complete fabric mismatch is abundantly apparent.  Then there's this picture of the front which makes it look all lumpy and bunchy and WTF?

Why doesn't this dress work?! I want to like, and I do sort of like it, but I don't know. It's not wowing me the way it should.  Maybe this time the black detailing should've been skipped? Without it the dress would be so blah. . .but I think the black lines contribute to the confusion.

It's all too much. I need some wine. I leave it to you, readers, to help me out on this one.

Who Wore it Better? 9:45 PM

As promised, Day 1 of Oscar Fashion coverage. Trust me. I've got lots to say on this topic, and an entire week may not be enough time to do so.

The bad news is that the good pictures won't let me save them as pictures, which sort of destroys the post I've been composing in my head all day of a side-by-side comparison. Luckily, you readers are an internet savvy bunch, and I trust you can follow the linkage to the golden egg.

Without further ado:

Penelope Cruz v. Sarah Jessica Parker
For real ladies. Is this the battle of the Barbie Princess Dresses or Oscar night? I give the edge to Penelope for a couple of reasons. 1) When she accepted her award I noticed the beautiful embroidery on the bodice. 2) SJP's skirt is just too. much. tulle. and it makes me itchy just thinking about it. I do like the color of SJP's dress, which can't be seen in every photo, and her hair is nice. Still, way too Barbie Princess for me.

Natalie Portman v. Alicia Keys
Both ladies very lovely in pastel-y pink and purple. Both ladies with flowy skirts and nifty corset-esque bodices. I'm really digging Alicia's slit, but her makeup is pretty damn fug. On the other hand, something I can't quite place my finger on that I don't love about the intersection of skirt and top on Portman's dress. Nonetheless, her face is flawless, so she has the slight edge in my book (also, a different view of the color and angle - she's pretty hot).

Heidi Klum v. Amanda Seyfried
Clearly Amanda Seyfried, aka Lily from Veronica Mars and also the daughter from Mamma Mia!, is out of her league in this competition. Still, both women are a hot mess. Essentially they are competing to see whether a giant ugly bow looks best on the front or the back of a red satin gown. Um, neither. For serious. This is first time I have seen Heidi Klum not look amazing; the woman can normally make a potato sack look hot. Alas, not even the most beautiful woman in the world can make a big butt bow look good. (Heidi - do not let those Germans tell you that you're fat - eat a sandwich, honey! Your shoulders are pointy!)

Angelina Jolie v. Jennifer Aniston
Ok, so their looks were almost polar opposites, but it was their first face-to-face and the entire world was watching to see what would go down. Aniston is the clear winner in my book because I feel like Angie has worn this same dress 7 different times. While I'm not in love with Aniston's dress, it's sparkly and her hair is freakin' gorgeous. She looks like she's having fun. Angie looks like she is mother superior looking down on all the common actor folk. I do love her earrings and ring though, so I will give her points for that.

Movie Madness 7:22 PM

We're about 45 minutes away from one of my favorite nights of the year: the Academy Awards. Most of the world thinks they're lame, and tries to find anything to do besides watch the epic production on television.  To each his own, but even the cynical among us here at Smartini can appreciate a movie star(let) and a good flick.

For this week's special we'll be pitching our own movie ideas, based on our own lives, of course! We will answer that age-old question, "Who would play you in a movie about your life?" among other interesting tidbits. 

And if that isn't enough to keep you stumbling to the bar every day, you have my solemn vow to discuss Good, the Bad, and the downright Fugly from Oscar night each and every weekday.

I'll be rooting for Slumdog Millionaire tonight, because it encompasses so much of what I love about movies, and I'm giving an early prediction that its starlet, Freida Pinto, has one of my favorite looks of the evening:

WTFriday: You make the call 1:06 PM

The people at Yahoo!'s fashion site "OMG" (or some such nonsense) are saying that the female chick from the Twilight movie totally f-ed up on the red carpet last night. 

I have to say, I wholeheartedly disagree.  Love the dress, the legs are bangin', and the hair doesn't bother me (from this angle anyway). I will say the purse and shoes are a little fuddy-duddy, but I'll forgive that because the dress rocks so much.

What do you think? Agree with me or the Yahoo! peeps?

Ashtini, in fourths 6:50 AM

*4 places you've lived: 1) Rossville, Ga. 2) WVille, Ga. 3) Clara 102 4) Grace Street

* 4 jobs you've had: 1) Underglorified secretary at real estate office 2) Slopping slop in the dining hall 3) Tour Guide 4) Creative director at a marketing firm

* 4 cars you've had: 1) 1988 Ford Taurus (which I unequivocally hated) 2) 1989 Honda Accord, baby blue with pop-up lights (which I absolutely adored) 3) 1998 Toyota Corolla (which I had in the body shop so frequently, the guys in Wilmington knew me) 4) 2006 Toyota Rav4

* 4 web sites you'd be lost without: 1) IMDB.com 2) PerezHilton.com 3) Wikipedia 4) Google Images

* 4 foods you love: 1) Chocolate (I know it seems a cop out, but I do truly love it beyond almost anything) 2) Fried chicken 3) Justin's corn chowder 4) Mama's sourdough bread

* 4 role models or people that have influenced you: 1) Mama 2) Ms. Vesta 3) Jane Austen 4) J.K. Rowling

* 4 events in your life that have shaped you: 1) Moving to Wilmington/Grad school 2) The Panic 3) Dillon's birth 4) Ronnie's death

* 4 drinks you order: 1) Miller Light 2) Cosmopolitan 3) Diet Coke! 4) Pinot Grigio

* 4 movies you could watch again and again: 1) Bridget Jones' Diary 2) Clue 3) Singing in the Rain 4) Love Actually

* 4 things that comfort you/bring you comfort: 1) Kudzu curled up in my lap sleeping 2) Listening to Nick Drake's Pink Moon album on the iPod 3) Writing 4) Losing myself in a good book

Maybe We Can All Agree On Something? 2:03 PM

Shauna Sand, according to Wikipedia, is a former Playboy Playmate, actress, and ex-wife of Lorenzo Lamas.  (Prior to checking wiki, this is what I wrote about her: She is, I think, some sort of porn star or internet nekkid maven.  Good thing I fact-checked first, (note-to-self Presidential campaigns).)

Anywho, below is a picture of this woman, with one of her daughters.  Dlisted tells us that they are at a medical center. 

Apart from the hair, the lips, and the orange skin, do you see those shoes??  I'm here to advocate passage of a law that says any woman or man who chooses to wear clear, platform, hooker shoes for general day-to-day activities and NOT as part of a Halloween get-up, burlesque performance, or other costume-worthy occasion should be denied her/his parental rights. 

Are you with me?

If you are not yet convinced, please check out additional footage of these same shoes making an appearance at a pumpkin patch.  A pumpkin patch, people.  Pumpkin patches should be the last bastion for everything wholesome and good, and these shoes being allowed in seriously offends me.

Barefoot is SO Last Season 5:50 PM

You're all well aware that we barmaids have a penchant for fashion and shoes.  As your comments and blogs indicate, you readers are sassy, trendy ladies (and gentlemen??) yourselves.  Please help prevent this bartender from becoming her own worst WTFriday Fug.

WANTED: PERSONAL SHOPPER(S)

It's like this. I need some new shoes. Badly. The problem: I live in the middle of nowhere, a good 45-60 mins away from a decent mall, and I do not possess the attention span or time to properly attack this task over the internets.

The Goal: Find me some cute but solid work shoes.

The Prize: $25 gift certificate to Zappos.com or Amazon.com if I select your shoes

The BONUS Prize: $50 gift certificate to Zappos or Amazon if the shoes I select are vegetarian and eco-friendly shoes, i.e. no animal producs and good to the environment (as defined by me). (that's $50 total, not in addition to, just to be clear. Because I'm not rich.)

The Time: At least one week, until Oct 2, or as long as it takes to find me some shoes or give up on the entire project

The Catch: I'm kind of picky. Just because I'm having this contest doesn't mean there's going to be a winner (read: I'm not forcing myself to pick one of your selections.). I know, how bitchy of me, but really, it's shoes people and you know how important they are. I don't have the funds to go buying them willy-nilly.

Guidelines/Suggestions
1. Black or really kickass red or brown that can go with multiple outfits

2. Heel, but not too too stiletto-y high or too lame-ass low.  The larger the circumference of the heel the better; no matter how tall/short, the teeny ones always land me on my bottom.

3. Comfortable - this is crucial as I am on my feet a lot running around court dealing with difficult people and my feet need to be happy.

4. No pointy toes. Repeat after me. No pointy toes. They may be great for others, but they are simply not my style.

5. Should not cost more than $150. I mean, you can submit them if you like, but it's highly unlikely I'll buy anything that costs more than that right now.

6. I tend to like Mary-jane styles - I'm comfortable with it, but I am interested in branching or finding a new take on it.

7. Funky and interesting is good, just remember the event: it's court, so I can't go bounding in with fish in my platforms.

8. Closed-toe is probably better, just in case hell freezes over and I have to wear the dreaded panty hose. However, my current work fave is a peep-toe, so don't abide too strictly by the whole closed-toe idea.

9. Enter as many times as you want.

10. Vegetarian/eco-friendly is NOT a requirement because, trust me, I know how impossible it is to find cute shoes fitting that bill - that's why you get extra prize if you can perform that miracle.

11. What else? I have no idea. Check the comments and back here for updates. Please feel free to ask questions and I'll try to answer.

12. DUH.  I wear 7.5 or 8, maybe a 7 if they run big.

13. DUH SQUARED. Please link to your submissions in the comments.  In order to win a prize, you should submit specific shoes and not just websites (and uh, please don't try to circumvent that rule by linking every. single. shoe. from a website. Not cool.).

Why are you still reading this post? Get shopping!!

Transformation Almost Complete 10:45 PM

I dare you to look at this photo from the waist down and tell me which is which. What is going on here people, WHAT IS GOING ON??!!