Hit or Miss? 11:59 PM

Not going to do a full fashion recap of the SAG Awards, but this dress has me confused.

What do ya'll think, did Sandra Bullock get it right or wrong?

I give her a C+. The color scheme is good, but that's about it. It kind of fits her funny in the middle, and if you click on the "detail" at the top, you can see how shoulder-paddy it looks. Um, Sandra, it's not 1984 and feathers are almost always a "don't." Cute clutch, though!

WTF Thursday 10:55 PM

Jennifer Love Hewitt did what? (link possibly NSFW due to language/sexual references but not photos)

Seriously, ya'll. I hate to say it, but I'm gonna need a photo because how the hell is that even possible?

Sad-Tini 2:55 PM

Who knows if the reports are true, but within the past hour, TMZ and other news sources have reported that Brittany Murphy, 32, is dead. From drugs cardiac arrest. Between her and Lohan and a few other emaciated starlets with skin clinging to bones and eyes bugging out of their once-pretty faces, news like this doesn’t come as a complete shock, but it’s a shock nonetheless. Because, what a damn shame. Too young. Potential snuffed. Etc. I feel sorry for their moms. (Well, maybe not Dina.)

Remember Brittany in “Clueless?” And “Drop Dead Gorgeous?” So funny. And somehow  normal and healthier than later Brittany appearances. An interview a few years ago on “Ellen” also pops into my mind, when she bantered with the host re: how young she began talking as a baby. It was some absurd age at which no child ever really learns to talk. Regardless of whether it was true, the interview made her seem relatable and down-to-earth as she spoke of her mother and grandmother and her childhood. At that young age, she was probably easily imagined as an actress, a star, when she grew up. Famous. But dead? Sigh. I can’t think of a bigger waste.

Well, if it’s not a hoax, rest in peace, Brittany Murphy. I’ll always think of you clunking your head on the overhead light in “Clueless” and then, “rollin’ with the homeys…”

taylor fugsen 9:51 AM

Once upon a time, Taylor Momsen was cute. Pretty, even. Little J had great hair and awesome style.

Now, I seriously feel like Ms. Momsen is morphing into a bleached-blonde, overdone cross between Lady GaGa (not a good thing) and Courtney Love (def. not a good thing).

Case in point - here's before. So cute, even with the headband a la Blair Waldorf:





And now, here's her impression of a too-skinny Lady Gaga/Mrs. Curt Cobain:

Honey, your hair is too blond, and it's dark outside, so sunglasses (esp those) really aren't needed. And eat something, please. You're beginning to look like a bobblehead.

I'd like the old Little J back, please...

The Twi-Fug Hair Saga 2:30 PM

So I went on a date with my boyfriend, Edward, last night, and it was amazing. I mean, he left me for months, sending me into a deep, dark depression, yadda, yadda, and then I had to fly to Italy before he had his head permanently cracked off by a less-than-savory posse of the Italian vampires. But he came back to me eventually, and now we’re happier than ever. In the meantime, while Edward was gone, bonus! I was able to spend some quality time with my best friend Jacob and his abs. It was 108 degrees hot.

I had a *small* issue with the wolf pack’s choice of shorts, like they were a smidge tight, or something? Not quite from this decade. But I won’t quibble. Tight shorts can’t possibly be considered a problem, considering views from both the waist down and the waist up.

My main fashion contention is with Jasper’s hair. Why. That is my only question. Just, why.

Viewers of the sadly short-lived ABC Family show, Beautiful People, will recall that Jackson Rathbone is supposed to look like THIS:

Not…THIS:

I understand that Jasper is supposed to be blond, and perhaps reminiscent of a certain historical period, i.e. the Civil War. But how is a goofy blond perm okay to put on this man? It just isn’t right. He looks, in a word, ree-diculous. Stylists could have done better. Not only would they have saved Rathbone from looking like Ronald McDonald’s somber vampire cousin, but they would have upped the overall hotness factor for the Twilight franchise. Like that’s even necessary—but still. Two movies left, people. Get Jasper right.

Gaydar 7:00 AM

I heard a semi-interesting piece on NPR a few weeks ago about this article on what I will refer to as the "commodification of the gay male." The author's thesis, if I remember it correctly, was that yes, it's great that gays are getting more exposure and acceptance in mainstream media. However, he didn't like how they were portrayed as sort of the next "accessory" for straight women to have, and how they seemed to be defined solely as they related to straight women - think Sanford from SATC.

Well, he probably had a point, but whatever. That's not what I'm here for. (And frankly I'm too tired to get into it right now.) Who's your favorite "Hollywood" gay? Who would you love to have as your gay best friend?

I choose Anderson Cooper. I don't know why, but I f-ing love him. He's super duper smart-sexy. You could learn so much from him and have awesome conversations about politics, the world, etc. But you *know* he loves some vodka-cranberries and after 2 or 3 or 4 he gets a little girlie and starts talking about asses, abs, blow jobs, and Madonna.

Plus, he's a Channel One alumnus. Awesome.

Hot or Not? 9:04 AM

This question has been seriously bothering me for quite some time now. No. I'm not kidding.

Is Leonardo DiCaprio still hot?

Back in the days of Romeo & Juliet and Titantic, he was the IT boy of Hollywood. Then it made me love him even more when he shunned all of that and sort of went into hiding, sunk his teeth into deeper, more serious roles. Remember how he even skipped the Academy Awards the year of Titanic? So cool.

But these days, well, I'm not sure he's aged as well as some others. When I saw these pictures on dlisted, it really began to seem like eh, maybe he's just not hot anymore. Shame.

Just when I thought I had it figured out, that maybe he wasn't photogenically hot but still charismatically hot, these pics come out. Leo is sporting a UF hat. That's enough for me (and I wonder, did he read my mind? Did he know I was contemplating this issue??). My verdict: Leo still a hottie.

(Ok, if I'm being honest, he's not really hot in these pictures, like AT ALL. Something about his personality that I like, though. He's all eco-Leo, he's older than me but still has a good time, he's not afraid to party with the regular peeps.)

While we're at it, what about Brad Pitt? Same question. I have no answer, especially after watching that monstrosity that was Benjamin Button.

WTFug Friday 8:34 AM

It's worth being late for work to post this. Not the biggest fan of Lady GaGa. Although I admit to sometimes singing "Poker Face" or "Just Dance," mostly I loathe her. I get her schtick is her schtick, but meh, Madonna did it better. I also get that she has to dress the part when she goes in public and knows she's going to be photographed. But Really? At the AIRPORT? Really?

That studded jacket is going to hurt when she tries to recline in her seat. Just sayin'.

More loveliness at Dlisted (where you can truly see how pointy those studs really are. hee. did i just accidentally make a dirty joke?)

May we talk for a moment about this: 1:31 PM

So I'm a few days late for WTFriday...but this must be discussed. What the EFF is Drew thinking?

(btw, this post is my pathetic attempt to wade back into the blogging waters after an extended absence for which I have no excuse.)

Celeb Juice 11:10 PM

This week at the bar, we're all dragging in from the long holiday weekend and hope you had time to spend with your loved ones and honor those that serve and allow us to celebrate together.

For the weekly special, we are choosing bits of celebrity gossip and want to chew the fat with you a bit. I'm supposed to add my own commentary, but I'm not feeling bold enough just yet. .it's kind of a touchy subject and I thought I had some nasty thoughts, but now I'm feeling differently, so. . .what are your thoughts on:

SJP and Matthew Broderick having twins via a surrogate?

Here's one article on the subject.

WTF? 2:55 PM

It's been a while since we've had our fun with WTFriday around here, so I thought that maybe Mary Kate Olsen could help us get back into our WTFs.

And whaddya know? I was right? She's a big help:


I have a few pointers for Mary Kate:

1. Comb your effing hair.

2. Wearing that many dark rings on your fingers makes you look like an old gypsy. Lose a few, eh?

3. Haven't you read Allure/Cosmo/Glamour magazine? Lining both the tops and the bottoms of your eyes makes them look SMALLER. And while we're talking makeup, a little blush wouldn't hurt here, girlfriend.

4. Comb your hair. I'm serious.

5. You're 22 freaking years old! For the love of God, wear something that isn't from the "rejected" pile Lil' Kim's DWTS wardrobe.

6. I like the clutch; you may keep it.


That is all.

America's Next Top. . Barmaid? 5:16 PM

You can definitely tell which barmaids have been watching Tyra!

runway walk! work it!
FIERCE!

the girl knows how to turn an ugly decoration into a fabulous accessory!

Ruby Redeems Herself 11:00 PM

Last spring, Ruby confessed to us her shocking, closeted affection for Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock,” on her list of 5 Freebie Hook-Ups. The rest of the bar raised their eyebrows but remained polite while we were all secretly thinking, Really?! The fake-wrestler guy? Well, all-righty then! Who knew.

But, I’m here to say that this evening, I watched the most recent episode of Saturday Night Live, and Ruby is, actually, quite Smartini. The Rock was hot! And, it was the funniest overall episode of SNL since Justin Timberlake hosted last year—no easy feat. I’m totally impressed. Please enjoy the following HOTNESS skits below. You won't be sorry.

1. May I say that I did call the play on “The Rock” and “Barack” prior to the episode. Regardless of your political persuasion, this one is very funny:

2. Random, but still relatable (so key to the skit turning out well), and smartly put together. Also, I cannot get over Dwayne Johnson’s “dancing,” it’s hilarious.

So, what do you think, ladies? The Rock: Hot?? Or are Ruby and I going to have to fight it out amongst ourselves. Bar brawl!

Men of the Oscars 11:35 AM

(Hitting even more snags finding save-able pictures of the men, so we're gonna have to link it up a lot on this one.)


Mickey Rourke just straight up gives me the creeps, and this ensemble didn't do anything to dissuade me from that view.

And yet, I have to give him some props for not going the traditional tuxedo route. He just can't help but be skeezy Mickey Rourke, I guess, so kudos to him for keepin' it real. 

I love me some Robert Downey, Jr., and I'm also a big fan of the non-bowtie tux.  

Confidential to Phillip Seymour Hoffman:  You are one of the best actors of our generation, no question.  That is no excuse to leave the house with that ugly box on your head.

Is it just me or did Anthony Hopkins lose a bunch of weight?  Props to him for going the non-bowtie route - makes him look modern and hip, although his beautiful wife helps a little, too.

Zac Efron

I can't decide how I feel about Efron in general, but he definitely looked dapper (even if his presence there was questionable).  I'd probably make out with him. (Is that saying much?) 

John Legend = one of the best dressed men and his girlfriend is not too shabby either.


Yeah, yeah, Brad Pitt in a tux. Snooze. Not feelin' the goatee, Brad. Not at all.  

As he admitted in his acceptance speech, he sometimes makes it difficult to like him, but I happen to love Sean Penn, politics and all.  He rocked an all-black look that was slightly unique and pretty hot.

Edward Cullen Robert Pattinson

Did he look a little high? Maybe.  Like he was still in Twilight makeup?  A little.  Did he still make women ages 8 to 58 swoon?  Absolutely.

Two Thumbs Up 9:43 PM

Taraji Henson

Love the dress, love the hair, love the necklace, but most of all love how happy she looks. And is that a red purse? Hot. Your movie sucked (Benjamin Button - don't waste those hours), but you made a great Academy Awards debut Taraji!

Viola Davis

Beyonce's mom would've made this dress look like a hooker, but you pull it off with class.  Just enough sparkle to be interesting, but not enough to be tacky. On any other person, I might not like it.  I have no idea who you are, but I am insanely jealous of your curly locks and your cleavage. Fierce! 

Anne Hathaway

At first I was not a big fan, but then she completely won me over somehow.  She looks like the embodiment of old-school Hollywood glamourous.  I think I may be developing a slight girl-crush on Ms. Hathaway.

Just because I love it so much, Freida Pinto bears repeating:

Some critics are saying this is an "old" look, as in she's dressing for the 75 and up age bracket.  But I would disagree saying that her dress is a combo of modern Hollywood and traditional Indian saris. The asymmetrical neckline is awesome, the color rocks my world, and even the arm lace that didn't work for Sophia Loren adds a touch of elegance.  This dress would look beyond ridiculous if I tried to wear it, but she completely pulls it off.

For Friday I think I'm focusing on the hot (and not-so-hot) gentlemen, because who doesn't love eye candy at the end of the week?  That means that I wasn't able to get around to writing and posting about as many of the women as I'd hoped.  So I now open the comments as a free-for-all discussion on any atrocious or gorgeous lady I may have missed!  (i.e. Meryl Streep - classy but boring color? Reese Witherspoon - I cannot decide b/c blue and black combo was great, but WTF was up with the pattern? Vanessa Hudgens - why was she there?)

WTF Wednesday, Oscar edition. 9:59 PM

Miley Cyrus

 In case you can't tell, that's a seashell dress.  Yeah, a seashell dress.  It looks like the same person who decorates beach condos the world over threw up in dress form. Also, check out the back. Ugh. Hate it. Hate it. Hate the dress.  I will be nice, however, and say that Miley looks lovely excluding the dress. Actually, if the dress were not f-ing seashells, I could probably get behind it because the cut flatters her very well.  Ruby also pointed out her age-appropriate cleavage, and she looks positively giddy to be there. I just can.not.condone.seashells.  Oh, and why are you even at the Academy Awards??

Beyonce

Dear Beyonce, your mother is not a fashion designer. I think she has it out for you because everytime she designs you a dress for a fancy occasion you look pretty awful. In this particular number, she has outfitted you in a drape from Ozzy and Sharon's house. Sorry. Truth hurts sometimes. Love, Niki

Sophia Loren

The real tragedy is her makeup. She may be Hollywood royalty, but she was probably the biggest hot mess of the evening.  And that is saying a lot considering Tilda Swinton was there.

Speaking of Tilda Swinton

 Tilda, honey, in the United States of America you are allowed to show some skin. Even the Amish wear more flattering and risque clothes than this atrocity. I get your weird schtick, and I respect it, but you could at least dress like Bjork instead of a potato sack.  Are you even wearing a bra?

WTF, er, Wednesday...? 12:04 PM

Yes, I know I haven't done the WS yet. (Sorry, Niki.) And, I'm aware that's it's not Friday yet, so this WTF is a little early.

But I Just. Can't. Stand. It. This needs to be posted, stat:

Is anyone else as bothered by Pink's getup as I am? I mean, COME ON. Her "pirate" costume (that IS what it's supposed to be, right?) looks like it was designed the Queen of Hearts of Disney's Alice In Wonderland fame.

So, I ask: Separated at birth? Hmmm:

3 Good Ideas, 3 Iffy Executions 9:14 PM

Each of these women, I think, started out with a good idea.  Then, somewhere along the way, it went a little awry and just didn't quite materialize on the red carpet. One of the three ladies featured in today's post actually made my "best dressed" list. However, I've gleaned from the comments that some of you were not as pleased as I about her overall look.  And, if I'm being honest with myself, I also took issue with a couple of aspects of her outfit. 

So let's get to it. Kate Winslet.

Overall, I really like the dress. It's interesting but also minimal, and I'm almost always a fan of one-shoulder tops.  (I *may* have worn such dress to my high school graduation. Completely inappropriate, since it was a curve-hugging minidress, but damn it I was staking my independence from the oppressive high school regime. I digress.) Then again. . .the one shoulder here is a little awkward. It is sort of abrupt and angular, and not really fitting the flowy mood of the rest of the dress.  And the armpit of it is weird; I feel like it should be cut more narrow or something. I don't know the lingo, I don't sew.

Then we have the hair:

I actually really like her hair. It's very old Hollywood glam, and I think it fits the dress. The hair + makeup + only earrings = simplistic beauty to me.  However, now that the Lego-ness of it has been called to my attention by Sheila, I can't stop thinking about it.  So thanks for that, Sheila : )

At the end of the day, I still think she was one of the most gorgeous ladies of the evening; her sheer delight at winning was contagious.  But I also have to agree with Kate's 8-year-old daughter - a different color might have been a knock out.

Marisa Tomei

This dress is getting all kinds of mixed reviews.  The Fug Girls do a much better/funnier job of dissecting it than I could ever attempt to do, so you should totally check out their analysis.  They aptly point out the folded-napkin-ness of it all.  I mean yes, complete admirable attention to detail.  No one can deny the workmanship that went into this garment.  But really? Her one-strappy thing is also a little defunct and the train is too much. Yet, I can't say I don't like it. Sort of like with Kate, I feel like it fell just short of being phenomenal, and landed flat on its face (just like I did while running with the dog on Saturday).

She also has some hair problems. (You can see more hair views if you click the link on her name.) I can't get a good grasp of whether she has her hair tied back or not. It appears as though some of it is in a side ponytail, some of it not.  But if you take a step back from all that, it doesn't really look all that bad. It's sort of wispy and romantic.  I just don't know about this one. I just don't know.

Amy Adams

From most of the accounts I've read, she is getting totally trashed for this choice. I mean, it's not the best. dress. ever., but is it really that awful? Ok, maybe.  It's hard for me to be hard on this dress because in theory, I just love it. Red = good, interesting cut = good, black detailing = good.  It just all comes together sort of disastrously. 

Let's focus on the positives first. Her hair is simple but dress-appropriate.  Make-up looks great. Necklace kicks ass. Ok, ok. I know that one is going to be a divisive opinion, but I'm sticking to it. Love the chunky, gaudy, pebbly look of the necklace.  Does it go with the dress. . .I'm not sure yet.

The problems are so many, I don't even know where to start. The bodice is almost Moulin Rouge-y. In a bad way. If you don't believe me, check out this picture of the back. Ugh. It just hugs her all kinds of wrong and the complete fabric mismatch is abundantly apparent.  Then there's this picture of the front which makes it look all lumpy and bunchy and WTF?

Why doesn't this dress work?! I want to like, and I do sort of like it, but I don't know. It's not wowing me the way it should.  Maybe this time the black detailing should've been skipped? Without it the dress would be so blah. . .but I think the black lines contribute to the confusion.

It's all too much. I need some wine. I leave it to you, readers, to help me out on this one.

Who Wore it Better? 9:45 PM

As promised, Day 1 of Oscar Fashion coverage. Trust me. I've got lots to say on this topic, and an entire week may not be enough time to do so.

The bad news is that the good pictures won't let me save them as pictures, which sort of destroys the post I've been composing in my head all day of a side-by-side comparison. Luckily, you readers are an internet savvy bunch, and I trust you can follow the linkage to the golden egg.

Without further ado:

Penelope Cruz v. Sarah Jessica Parker
For real ladies. Is this the battle of the Barbie Princess Dresses or Oscar night? I give the edge to Penelope for a couple of reasons. 1) When she accepted her award I noticed the beautiful embroidery on the bodice. 2) SJP's skirt is just too. much. tulle. and it makes me itchy just thinking about it. I do like the color of SJP's dress, which can't be seen in every photo, and her hair is nice. Still, way too Barbie Princess for me.

Natalie Portman v. Alicia Keys
Both ladies very lovely in pastel-y pink and purple. Both ladies with flowy skirts and nifty corset-esque bodices. I'm really digging Alicia's slit, but her makeup is pretty damn fug. On the other hand, something I can't quite place my finger on that I don't love about the intersection of skirt and top on Portman's dress. Nonetheless, her face is flawless, so she has the slight edge in my book (also, a different view of the color and angle - she's pretty hot).

Heidi Klum v. Amanda Seyfried
Clearly Amanda Seyfried, aka Lily from Veronica Mars and also the daughter from Mamma Mia!, is out of her league in this competition. Still, both women are a hot mess. Essentially they are competing to see whether a giant ugly bow looks best on the front or the back of a red satin gown. Um, neither. For serious. This is first time I have seen Heidi Klum not look amazing; the woman can normally make a potato sack look hot. Alas, not even the most beautiful woman in the world can make a big butt bow look good. (Heidi - do not let those Germans tell you that you're fat - eat a sandwich, honey! Your shoulders are pointy!)

Angelina Jolie v. Jennifer Aniston
Ok, so their looks were almost polar opposites, but it was their first face-to-face and the entire world was watching to see what would go down. Aniston is the clear winner in my book because I feel like Angie has worn this same dress 7 different times. While I'm not in love with Aniston's dress, it's sparkly and her hair is freakin' gorgeous. She looks like she's having fun. Angie looks like she is mother superior looking down on all the common actor folk. I do love her earrings and ring though, so I will give her points for that.

Movie Madness 7:22 PM

We're about 45 minutes away from one of my favorite nights of the year: the Academy Awards. Most of the world thinks they're lame, and tries to find anything to do besides watch the epic production on television.  To each his own, but even the cynical among us here at Smartini can appreciate a movie star(let) and a good flick.

For this week's special we'll be pitching our own movie ideas, based on our own lives, of course! We will answer that age-old question, "Who would play you in a movie about your life?" among other interesting tidbits. 

And if that isn't enough to keep you stumbling to the bar every day, you have my solemn vow to discuss Good, the Bad, and the downright Fugly from Oscar night each and every weekday.

I'll be rooting for Slumdog Millionaire tonight, because it encompasses so much of what I love about movies, and I'm giving an early prediction that its starlet, Freida Pinto, has one of my favorite looks of the evening: