shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I Solemnly Swear I’m Up to No Good

I’m told that the person I killed off won’t be missed by anyone (who is s/he? I’ll never tell!), but regardless, the murder does seem to have been a law violation, and I’m left with the pesky problem of thorough, untraceable disposal. Sigh. And blood stains are so difficult to get out of clothes!

For assistance in this delicate matter, I would consult the following:

  • McNamara & Troy of “Nip/Tuck.” Not only because Julian McMahon is smoking hot and would provide attractive scenery during the burial, but because they’ve got experience. Down to the bayou to visit the alligators, y’all…
  • Mendacious. She’s a deeply spiritual person and *may* have take small issue with my ending a life, but ultimately, she is my partner-in-crime, period. And, if sorted at Hogwarts, she would have been a Slytherin. She has more than a glint of the devious in her eye.
  • Niki, because this girl knows the law. And she will not mince words in telling you exactly what you need to do and what you should avoid when attempting to outsmart the justice system. Additionally, she will be able to lead us all in a cleansing yoga session afterward. (Christian Troy doing yoga, mmm…)
  • J.Lo (my husband), who is practical, level-headed and smart and will not only help devise a plan with every small detail addressed, but will also be very motivated: If I go to jail, who will watch the kids??

Lastly, who wouldn’t I tell? K.Lo, my three-year-old. Not so much good at secrets yet, that one, and I’m guessing she’d rat me out in 5 minutes or less. Oh, and I suppose the situation might be rather traumatizing. I’m already responsible for a hefty portion of future therapy bills without dragging the poor child into this mess… 

4 tips left at the bar:

mendacious said...

haha. i would SO, in any scenario give you advice based on what you most wish the outcome to be even if i didn't agree with it. plus i watch tons of L/O. i'd give you tips on evidence disposal, backtracking, alibis, and offer and suggest post killing therapy... art, humanitarian aid, maybe jail? but it depends what your reason was and your mental condition and i'd be like, clearly manslaughter, time served already, out on good behavior, plea deal sort of thing.

Ruby said...

M WOULD BE A SLYTHERIN?! I feel so misguided!

I love J.Lo's motivation for helping you out, I mean, you gotta look out for number 1, right?! :)

Who did you off, Penelope Maria? Inquiring minds want to know!

mendacious said...

its true. i'm a slytherin. i know, sort of inexplicable but i blame my scorpio moon. ;)

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