shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Oh, Santa! You shouldn't have!

Dear Santa,

I don't want to seem like a completely ungrateful beer wench because I honestly love, love, love my new yoga mat and brown boots you brought me. And I realize that I did in fact ask for wooden spoons in my stocking this year (unlike that time when I was 5 years old and my parents pretended that's all I was getting because I'd been a bad girl).

It's just, there's something I need to speak to you about.

A VACUUM CLEANER IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE CHRISTMAS GIFT.

Yes, I'm 30 years old. Yes, my house is messy. Yes, my hands clean the carpet better than my current vacuum cleaner from college that cost $30. 

But really, Santa. It's like the slutty chic from Love, Actually says to Professor Snape, "Don't give me something I need; buy me something I want."

Now, if you want to give me a Dyson, that's one thing. Those bitches are badass, have wanted one ever since the British guy first got on TV talking about how innovative they are. But a regular ole DirtDevil? I mean, that's fantastic and I totally need one and will definitely use it. . .but maybe don't put it under the tree on Christmas morning?  Because that makes me feel old, Santa, and I'm trying really hard not to be old (see aforementioned 30 yrs old, messy house).

Otherwise, well done and thanks so much for the Christmas cheer (especially those mimosas at breakfast)!  Have a lovely New Year with Mrs. Claus and Rudolph, and I look forward to seeing you and non-cleaning related gifts under the tree next year.

Love,
Niki

Anyone else receive any slightly "offensive" gifts from Santa and his elves?

6 tips left at the bar:

pen said...

Ooo, a vacuum. Burn. Now, a Roomba would be another story, but I do totally understand the point about feeling old.

This is the best line ever: "It's like the slutty chic from Love, Actually says to Professor Snape, 'Don't give me something I need; buy me something I want.'"

We're going to need pictures of the boots. And was it the bad-ass yoga mat? I have to say I'm pretty happy with my haul, as it included shoes, some great books, and a freaking netbook. (Eeee!) My token "I'm old" gift I suppose would be the Magic Bullet food processor, but I am dorkily thrilled by it. And I did ask for it.

niki said...

I've thought about it, and I've decided that many cooking/baking related items are fun gifts. I got a rice cooker, which I think is pretty nifty and can't wait to experiment with. Also stoked about "bamboo" spoon set. So yes, these may be "old-er" items but not necessarily "un-fun" items. Would totally be thrilled by food processor.

A vacuum cleaner is unequivocally not. fun. Unless it's a Roomba (or a Dyson) because then it's like a gadget-y thing that also cleans, not just a cleaning tool, a la broom or mop.

Anywho, here's a link to my boots, which totally make up for the un-funness of my vacuum:
http://www.endless.com/dp/B002BSHAHK/182-3204937-4508034?ie=UTF8&linkCode=asn&tag=endlesscj-20&suppressRedirect=1

Andria said...

Hot boots, Nik! I know you will totally rock them. My sister mentioned getting some half zip boots and I couldn't picture it, thanks for the link!
Hmm, I get all clothes and think that makes me pretty old, but I like getting new clothes, so. . .
Hubby & I looked for a new toaster over because ours is broken (only broils basically) but haven't actually purchased it yet.

pen said...

Loooove the boots! Definitely makes up for the Dirt Devil.

~sarah said...

I always seem to get the opposite. Along with the odd handmade gifts and homemade jelly my Mom sends me, mainly because she can't really afford other sorts of gifts, she always sends some sort of stuffed animal and that is inevitably the one thing she asks me if I liked. I mean, they're cute and all, but I'm also 30. I don't really need/want/have a place for Christmas themed stuffed animals. I have taken to re-gifting them to children of friends. : )

Also, the only "cool" Christmas gifts I received this year were courtesy of vendors from work who gave good gift cards so I could pick out things for myself that will not arrive until next week. I would not at all complain about a vacuum under the tree on Christmas moring!

(da dun daaaa, debby downer!)

almost anonymous. said...

Love the boots.

I'm getting money toward a Craigslist washing machine. Totally grown up and kind of lame/depressing, but after ours left with the outgoing roommate, I'm already tired of trekking to the laundromat.

I also got the lens filters and cleaner I asked for, as well as some really cool reusable snack bags, among a few other things, so it wasn't all boring adult gifts.