shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Trilogy (because I'm very important and my life is that exciting)

I've thought about this way too much. I know. I'm also aware that Ruby will not go anywhere near these movies. Probably a wise decision; the rest of you should follow suit and not even read the rest of this post - just skip down to the Oscar fashion redux. 

I couldn't decide, so I cheated and made a trilogy when the best thing would've been to combine into one movie, taking dramatic license when necessary. Not that I'm overthinking this whole project or anything, or pretending that one day I might actually write a screenplay. . . .  (I told ya'll I was a movie nerd.)

Girl: Kristen Bell (Veronica, Veronica Mars) (I tossed around a hundred different actresses and finally went with her because Veronica is very much like me, plus Kristen is an animal-loving vegetarian)
Home Boy: Jake Gyllenhaal (needs no introduction)
Away Boy: Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl)
Sidekick of Girl: Keiko Agena (Lane, Gilmore Girls)
Director: Cameron Crowe (Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous)
Genre: Jerry Maguire meets Almost Famous with a cameo by a kangaroo
Story: Girl leaves Home Boy for studying final year of law school in Australia.  Girl meets Away Boy.  Love triangle ensues.  Meanwhile Girl explores Australia, discovers much about the world, human rights, and herself. Eventually Girl must return to reality, but which boy will she choose?

The Bar
Girl: Kristen Bell
New Boy: Milo Ventimiglia (Jess, Gilmore Girls; Peter, Heroes)
Roommate: Herself
Director: Sofia Coppola (Lost in Translation, Marie Antoinette, The Virgin Suicides)
Genre: Leaving Las Vegas meets Remember the Titans
Story: Movie opens with Girl and Boy "Winner" from 3L breaking up a mere two months before the Bar Exam.  Girl meets New Boy, charming, cute, alcoholic distraction.  Downward spiral of debauchery, depression, and alcohol consumption (with Coppola's characteristic lingering, silent shots) followed by 4am wake-up call and 1 week cram session right before the Bar.  Will she be able to conquer not just the Bar but life after Boy "Winner?"  And what about New Boy?

The Trial
Girl: Kristen Bell
Fabricated Love Interest for Purposes of the Movie: Rafael Nadal (What? He can totally act. Besides, we just need him for the bedroom scenes anyway, not integral to the plot.)
Friend/Colleague: Audra McDonald (Naomi, Private Practice)
Director: Christopher Nolan (Memento, The Prestige, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight)
Genre: Courtroom drama, A Time to Kill with heavy dose of sarcasm and self-awareness at its absurdity
Story: The natural ending of our saga, the real story - Girl begins job as criminal defense attorney. She knows the law, but has no idea what the hell she is doing.  Six months into the job she is forced to jury trial waaayy before she's ready. The trial is a simple misdemeanor stemming from an adulterous wife and custody battle.  The maximum punishment is probation, but for Girl it may as well be capital murder.  Who will win? Will justice prevail?

4 tips left at the bar:

penelope said...

I will see any movies with Lane and/or Jess in them. Great pitches! I would totally be into these. The last movie made me nervous, just reading about it.

sheila said...

Ooh, you may have a second career working there!

Ruby said...

I will watch your movies with my extra butter and LOVE IT, damnit!

(You really have though it all out, haven't you? Now I feel like a big loser for being vague...)

I see how you crafted in some bedroom scenes and think it's pure genius. All except for the fact that they will be scenes with Kristen and not you! Perhaps you can be a stand in on the set? Or demand that he practice with you, since it is YOUR movie, after all?

niki said...

Ruby, you are right, I have thought it all out. Even though Kristen will be in the movie version of the bedroom scenes, I will have to be on set since the movie is about MY life. Thus, Rafa and I will meet face-to-face and begin a real life, behind-the-scenes romance!

Sheila, do not encourage me because my day job is sucking big time right now! I'm looking for any life boat I can find :)

Pen, you have no idea how nerve-wracking it was to LIVE the last movie. Ugh. I believe they call it a "character building" moment.