shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Monday, February 23, 2009

Who Wore it Better?

As promised, Day 1 of Oscar Fashion coverage. Trust me. I've got lots to say on this topic, and an entire week may not be enough time to do so.

The bad news is that the good pictures won't let me save them as pictures, which sort of destroys the post I've been composing in my head all day of a side-by-side comparison. Luckily, you readers are an internet savvy bunch, and I trust you can follow the linkage to the golden egg.

Without further ado:

Penelope Cruz v. Sarah Jessica Parker
For real ladies. Is this the battle of the Barbie Princess Dresses or Oscar night? I give the edge to Penelope for a couple of reasons. 1) When she accepted her award I noticed the beautiful embroidery on the bodice. 2) SJP's skirt is just too. much. tulle. and it makes me itchy just thinking about it. I do like the color of SJP's dress, which can't be seen in every photo, and her hair is nice. Still, way too Barbie Princess for me.

Natalie Portman v. Alicia Keys
Both ladies very lovely in pastel-y pink and purple. Both ladies with flowy skirts and nifty corset-esque bodices. I'm really digging Alicia's slit, but her makeup is pretty damn fug. On the other hand, something I can't quite place my finger on that I don't love about the intersection of skirt and top on Portman's dress. Nonetheless, her face is flawless, so she has the slight edge in my book (also, a different view of the color and angle - she's pretty hot).

Heidi Klum v. Amanda Seyfried
Clearly Amanda Seyfried, aka Lily from Veronica Mars and also the daughter from Mamma Mia!, is out of her league in this competition. Still, both women are a hot mess. Essentially they are competing to see whether a giant ugly bow looks best on the front or the back of a red satin gown. Um, neither. For serious. This is first time I have seen Heidi Klum not look amazing; the woman can normally make a potato sack look hot. Alas, not even the most beautiful woman in the world can make a big butt bow look good. (Heidi - do not let those Germans tell you that you're fat - eat a sandwich, honey! Your shoulders are pointy!)

Angelina Jolie v. Jennifer Aniston

Ok, so their looks were almost polar opposites, but it was their first face-to-face and the entire world was watching to see what would go down. Aniston is the clear winner in my book because I feel like Angie has worn this same dress 7 different times. While I'm not in love with Aniston's dress, it's sparkly and her hair is freakin' gorgeous. She looks like she's having fun. Angie looks like she is mother superior looking down on all the common actor folk. I do love her earrings and ring though, so I will give her points for that.

5 tips left at the bar:

Andria said...

[argh! I had just typed out a long-ass response and lost it. Now, I have to try to recapture it.]

Yay, I was hoping we'd get something like this post out of you, Nik!

You neglected to mention the awful things SJP's dress does to The Girls! yikes!!

I liked Natalie Portman's dress from afar, but I think the disturbing part is the face of embroidery on the bodice!

Ew, really? What stylist would possibly allow someone out in that bad prom or bridesmaid from hell dress?! Heidi does still somehow manage to work hers, though, I think. And you can tell the quality is far superior.

Golden Girl hasn't worn a sparkly dress like 7 times before? hmm. But, I do agree that her hair is beautiful and fun and she is the happy Sunshine gal. I do love Jolie's jewelry and the sheer bit to her dress is. . .a twist? Not sure how to word it; if it's a positive or negative, but it's a little different?

sheila said...

I'm glad Andria brought up the what SJP's dress did to the girls - I was very afraid they were going to explode out of her top if she laughed!

Maybe it was just me but overall I was really disappointed in the fashions this year. And the hair - almost everyone's 'do was wrong. Only the guys looked great (except for Adrian Brody -- scary!!) Am I just getting old?

Kate Winslet's hair reminded me of Lego people's hair -- all one piece that you just snap on her head.

penelope said...

I have to agree with Sheila about hair being a problem in general, for whatever reason. I didn't even dig Heidi's, and normally just love her? Maybe it was just me.

The Project Rungay guys pitted Jennifer Aniston's dress against Anne Hathaway's, since they were pretty similar, and called Anne's dress the winner, but I'm not sure sure. Maybe. They were both pretty.

Anyway, yay! Keep the breakdown coming! I didn't watch and don't normally, but love reading up on the fashion analysis afterward.

niki said...

I couldn't decide about SJP's "girls" and the dress. On the one hand, yes, they are about to fall out. On the other hand, they look very voluptuous and make me a little jealous. So...that's a toss-up for me.

Andi, I disagree with Natalie's bodice embroidery - I love it! It's my favorite part. Maybe just because she wore it though.... Hmmm.

Agree with Pen and Sheila - the hair was a big problem. Heidi's especially. I just think that dress + hair + whacked out coral jewelry was all kinds of wrong.

Andi, you're probably right about Jenn wearing sparkly before, but at least it was event-appropriate. I mean Angelina wears black, like and then wears something so simple the Oscars? BLEH. I tend to hate her style anyway though, even though I kind of love her, so I may be slightly biased against her. Where is this sheer portion? I don't see it!

Pen - more on Hathaway later in the week, but definitely hers and Jenn's dresses were similar, and Anne totally gets the win.

And finally: Yes. Why did that stylist allow a prom dress from 1997 to be worn on the red carpet? WHY? Bitch needs to be fired.

Wow. I have not been this verbose in ages. Sad. So very, very sad.

Ruby said...


I am with you, Nik, on SJP's girls. Yes, there was a real danger of spillage, but I just couldn't help but stare at them in awe. I would much rather see that than Angelina's chest in that nasty v-cut. Oddly enough, young Miss Cyrus had boob appropriate cleavage. OMG, am I gay? Why do these things stand out to me?!

Natalie P's sequins killed it for me. I'm going with Alicia.