shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Monday, February 23, 2009

Take out a loan, you're going to the movies

My life as a movie. Are y'all really going to plunk down $9 to watch it? If you do, be sure to get extra butter on your popcorn and big ol' Diet Coke. Because that's standard protocol when I'm at the theater. Not that I go to the movies all that often, so when I do, it's EXTRA BUTTER for this girl.

Perhaps one of the reasons I don't go to the movies very often is the simple fact that I am not that into them. At all, really. I will normally go see chick flicks or comedies if I go at all, never any horror or major dramas. I wonder what that says about me? Hmm. In addition to the litany of psychological disorders that I surely suffer from, basically I'm just not a movie girl.

So back to my life as a movie. If I would want to go see the damn thing myself, it's got to be a comedy. Maybe a particular event in my life would lend itself to comedy rather than a huge expanse of time? Like college, let's say. Or moving to Kansas with my very new husband. Or becoming a mother. I'd like to think of it as Old School meets Wedding Crashers meets Knocked Up. Oh, and Steel Magnolias. Can I throw some Steel Magnolias in there? Because everyone would have terribly delicious Southern accents. As such, I will demand that none other than Julia Roberts plays me. Not that I look anything like her, mind you. But the girl is from Georgia! And pretty! And she could totally do the accent, Just Like She Did in Steel Magnolias. See where I'm coming from here?

I have no idea what my movie will be called, who else will be in it or any of that other mess. Why? Because I don't know enough about movies to know what to demand! Oh, except that I really like the Coen brothers. And Randy Newman songs. Does that count?


I'm forgetting a fantastic option here! Who will play my husband in this Southern comedy?! Just for kicks, I'm going to say George Clooney, purely for the reason that I recently came across Ocean's Eleven (which he starred with Julia Roberts) and O Brother Where Art Thou? (which is from the Coen brothers and I LOVE). My husband would probably prefer I go with someone a little more ranchy, like Tom Selleck, but I don't care. George can learn to ride a horse for the part. Did y'all know Tom did westerns after his Magnum PI days?

But that's neither here nor there.

The real question here is Will you get extra butter?

4 tips left at the bar:

niki said...

This is sure to be hilarious! Julia + George + horse + Coen bros + Randy Newman = box office gold. Extra Oscar points because it's a true life story!

Since its college, maybe a couple of other Smartini girls will cameo....

Cakelet said...

Butter is my favorite food. Popcorn is my second favorite.
And then, there's Milk Duds...
Actually, it's probably a good thing I don't go to the movies that often...

Andria said...

I don't get to the movies very often, either, but I am certain I would go see this flick with several of my best girlfriends! And I'd pass on the butter, add cherry to my DC and get one of those large ass boxes of Jr. Mints or bags of Reese's pieces. Actually, I'd most likely bring something much cheaper in my purse, who am I kidding?

penelope said...

Mmmmm, butter.

I would totally watch a Coen bros take on any of the proposed eras of your life. Sounds fab!