Mama's in the Sauce

As a new (temporary?!) SAHM, I've devised a plan to get me through the day. Feel free to partake if you have kids at home as well. The rules are simple:


Take a drink:
*For every article of clothing you have to re-fasten or replace on the child's body

*For every meal you feed - to humans or canines

*For every phrase you have to repeat:
~if within a 30 second period, take 2 shots,
~if during a movie or cartoon, just chug until over; you will be repeating yourself the entire time anyway until the hypnosis wears off,
~if the phrase is "no" go ahead and finish your glass
~for every phrase you hear repeated back to you that should not have been uttered in the first place, or fallen on such innocent ears. Such as "Jesus!" or "GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!" to the canine staff during meal time. There's something disconcerting about such force coming out of a little sweet package.

*Every time you have to close your eyes and deep breathe, might as well have the bottle to your lips

*For every mess you have to clean up more than once

*For every mess you have pointed out to you that you just didn't really want to know or think about - PopTart fingers grabbing onto the back of the chair; unknown brown substance; known brown substance, etc.

*For every unknown substance you have to dig out of your child's mouth.

*Any time the decibel level elevates, whether it be your own voice yelling or your children's happy squealing or whining requests that make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and internally cringe.

*Any time you manage to multitask and accomplish something, especially if under the guise of a "game" or "fun": Laundry! Unloading the dishwasher! Recycling mama's empty wine bottles!


Be sure to partake in nap time, as you will need it!