Barmaids Gone Wild

I am dating.

This sentence is exceptionally strange for me to write, because, somehow, I've never really done it before now. I mean, yes, I've had boyfriends. But almost all of them matriculated from established relationships that one day slid over the line between platonic and, well, not platonic.

But now, I find myself dating. All the awkward moments and tense silences and taking another drink to keep yourself from saying something stupid. So for your amusement, here are the highlights of my first four dates with The Boy:

First Date: Just before the date, I'm going to happy hour with my co-workers. I head to the bathroom to change clothes, and when I come back, I have been locked out of the office - sans cell phone. Long story short, I end up walking to the bar in the blistering afternoon heat, wringing with sweat by the time I get there, and smelling slightly like the boys' locker room by the time I get to dinner with The Boy.

Second Date: We have lunch at one of my favorite lunch spots. I get so nervous I can hardly eat - and I can always eat. I end up walking out with a take home box. There's this really awkward parting of the ways: us, standing on a busy street corner in downtown and fumbling through what the next date might be and then the one-armed hug because I'm carrying the leftovers.

Third Date: I lose my car. No. Really. I lose my car in downtown. It takes us 30 minutes and about 16 blocks (some of them in circles) to locate my car.

Fourth Date: We hike some easy trails at a local park-type place. I want to see the river. So we hike forever and then come out on the bank, but there's no easy way to get to the water. We slide down a muddy slope and wade in the shallows. What we didn't take into consideration? Getting back up the muddy slope. Did I mention I was wearing flip-flops? I managed to grab hold of what I thought was a sturdy branch and pull up before my feet totally slipped against my sodden shoes and the branch broke and I pitched backwards - ass-first - into his waiting hands.