shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

You and I Are Gonna Be Friends '08

My fellow Americans, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. There’s too much war. Too much division. Too many mean girls. It’s time to start hugging. It’s time to stop creating more and more differences instead of looking for compromise. For likeness. For what it is that you share with your fellow Americans – for humanity.

In 2008, I want to tell you that you and I are gonna be friends. That’s right – friends. It’s time for the world to sit together at the table and become friends. To break bread. To share conversation – and maybe some fashion tips. This is your opportunity to choose a team that is going to promote peace and the pursuit of happiness. It is time to toast the Ash-tini/Lyman ticket. Together, Josh and I will approach the leaders of the world’s nations with dignity and respect and a little peace offering of chocolate and fine wine. We are the nation that gave the world Coca-Cola…Twinkies…and Justin Timberlake. We have a lot to offer in a friendship.

I promise you, fellow citizens, to act, as your commander-in-chief, as a friend. Would a friend ask you to pay more than your share? No. Would a friend deny you access to her closet when you wear the same shoe size? Decidedly not. Would a friend want you to be sick? Uh-uh. No. A friend – friends like Ash and Josh – would stand by your side and demand equality, liberty, and What Not to Wear advice from Stacey and Clinton for all.

I’m the Ash-tini, and I approved this message.

*****

So everything was going well until the paps caught me in the hotel elevator making out with my veep. What can I say? Josh Lyman is the man. And it’s tough that we lost, but we have more time to *ahem* prepare for future generations.

5 tips left at the bar:

penelope said...

The fact that you worked Bradley Whitford in there made me laugh out loud.

I will support any candidate that plans to dismantle the Mean Girl Movement in America.

Megan said...

If I could have access to your shoes, you have my vote 100%. (And I love that you were making out with your veep!)

niki said...

Wine, chocolate, making out in elevators? Sounds like a president I'd like to work for!

Tempe said...

Nice! Lyman was definitely on my short list :)

ashley said...

I almost chose C.J. But then I figured, if I was going to be stuck in the oval office, I might as well have good lookin' company. ;)