My Reality: Trivia, Poop, Food and Clothes

It's time to face reality, y'all.

This whole week we are going to dish about which reality show or shows we would like to be on and why and I am the lucky girl who gets to go first. Much like the 5 Men list, I'm going to stake my claim early, but I have a feeling that once again, no one is going to repeat my choices. I'm still a little miffed by that, because why don't you girls think The Rock, and all his Samoan goodness, is good looking? Clearly I feel the need to be validated... moving on...

Cash Cab- A very special cab in New York City that's driven by a man who asks you trivia questions while driving you to your destination. The ceiling of the cab lights up, to give you that game show type feel, but hey, you're still in a cab. David and I have watched this show and shouted answers to the TV, much like Jeopardy, but in a way cooler, no snide Alex Trebek way. One stipulation for being on this show is that I would have to have David with me. The man is a freakin' vault of knowledge, for those *few* times that I may not know the answer. We would make BANK on Cash Cab, and get a free ride out of the deal!


Dirty Jobs- I love Mike Rowe. Not in a 5 Men way, but I feel like he would be a kick ass brother. He does some really, really dirty and nasty jobs on the show but I think it would still be fun. And I would get some great stories from it which would make me the most popular guest at the next cocktail party. Nothing like yammering on about poo to make the people love me! Wait, I might already do that anyway, given my chosen career path... Ah, well, then Mike and I would be BFF. Perhaps I could be Mike's sidekick? Although, while I would be game for most of the nastiness I have seen him do, the turkey insemination one is a no go. Heeell no.

Iron Chef America- Who wouldn't love to be in ginormous Kitchen Stadium with all that fancy equipment and stainless steel? I am in no way a gourmet chef like all of the other contestants but that wouldn't stop me from dragging my happy ass in there and cooking up a some delish treats to eat. I would, perhaps, require that the secret ingredient be something like salt so I could make some Sunday covered dish type things and not have to worry about incorporating something nasty, like fish eyeballs, into my mac and cheese. Those poor judges need a break from horseradish ice cream and the like, and deserve to get their hands on some caramel bars! Just as long as they don't hold me responsible when they become addicted and then before you know it caramel bars are the secret ingredient.

What Not to Wear- I seriously want to be on this show, but not really since they video unsuspecting people in their sloppiest of outfits and broadcast it to the whole world. So that one time that I go out of the house in some old ratty T-shirt because I was just, oh I don't know, scrubbing the toilet and needed a Diet Coke pick me up from McDonald's, gets put out there for everyone to see. I SWEAR I DON'T DRESS LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME I would say, and I would probably be a little upset by the whole thing until they handed me a $5K Visa card. I have a feeling that I might get over it then, and they can have my whole wardrobe to burn. What do I care? I've got five thousand dollars to do some major damage with! And besides, at least I don't have something from high school still in my closet like some of those people! Oh, wait, there is that blue sequined majorette outfit with the shake-shake-shake fringe on it... But it's not like I wear it... I wouldn't have to toss that, would I?

It is very clear to me, after looking over this list, that I watch too much cable TV. I'll turn it to CBS, right after Dirty Jobs is over. No, then it's Deadliest Catch. Gotta watch that too. Hmmm. I'll get back to you on that.