Another Unmarked Beer Wench

Like Megan, I'm opposed to getting a tattoo because years and years from now when I'm an old lady, I fear it will be all saggy and stretchy and blurry, and won't look at all like it used to. And I'll forget what it's supposed to be every day when I wake up, think it's some sort of weird skin disease, and devolve into an age-onset panic attack until K.Lo comes over to my house, grabs me by the shoulders and says, "Snap the hell out of it, mother. It is just your Pisces-fish tattoo."

Furthermore, I can barely commit to an outfit for the day, much less a picture on my body for the rest of my life. What if I changed my mind? Tattoo removal is expensive and painful and involves frickin' laser beams. Basically, it's fine for someone else, and even on my own husband I will allow it (a pen for "penelope," awwww!), but for me, I'll pass.

However.

There was one and only one time that I was completely jazzed about the idea of a tattoo, was all like, YES, I would totally go for it. And that was while watching this past season of The Amazing Race. Near the end of the race, the grandson/grandfather team of Nicolas and Donald took advantage of the Fast Forward, which is a task that, if you complete it successfully, you are able to bypass all the other challenge points and go directly to the Pit Stop. It's a pretty big deal at that late point in the game, getting you that much closer to the million-dollar prize, and so you know they're going to ask you to do something big. One time it was shaving your head--another Weekly Special topic for another time, perhaps (like: would you do it??). Anyway, in Season 12, Nicolas and Donald had to get a tattoo. Right there, on the spot, no time to really even consider. Furthermore, that tattoo was pre-determined--I believe it was a little "A.R." for Amazing Race? I can't remember. Doesn't matter. The point is, I would totally do it. If I were running that race around the world to all those fantastic places and doing crazy challenges and navigating cars and planes and trains through foreign countries, pretty much I can guarantee it would be something I would remember and talk about forever. It would be totally worth permanent ink commemoration on say, my ankle (inside), and it would make the stories to my grandchildren even greater when I shifted aside my old-lady stockings and said, "And look at that tattoo!" to cap off my tale. Even if they wouldn't be able to read what the damn thing said, for all the sagging and wrinkles.

So there you go: in a completely far-fetched set of circumstances, such as my being on The Amazing Race, in the midst of a key Fast-Forward challenge, specifically challenged to get a tiny tattoo that would serve as the ultimate souvenir, I would do it. In a heartbeat. But I really can't imagine any other way.