shot of sass, served on (n)ice

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Single Girl's Cleaning Routine

I live with my dog in a house that is waaay too big for just us. I also do not have the genetic coding for cleaning/tidying up. These are my rules:

Niki's Guide to Cleaning House

1. Does it look dirty?
NO -- It's clean. Do something else
YES -- Proceed to Q2

2. Is mess potentially detrimental to health, i.e. attracting pests?
NO -- Proceed to Q3
YES -- Damn it! Better clean.

3. Is it so dirty it gives you the creeps and/or causes you mild anxiety to be in the same room?
NO -- Still clean. Do something else.
YES -- Proceed to Q4

4. Do you have other work to do, i.e. prepare for court?
NO -- Proceed to Q5A
YES -- Proceed to Q5B

5A. Is there fun event/outing/travel planned?
NO -- Proceed to Q6
YES -- Pretend it's clean. Do fun planned thing.

5B. Do you dread doing work-related task so much that cleaning is preferred method of procrastination? (*When this happens, I know I'm in trouble.)
NO -- Pretend it's clean. Do work-related task
YES -- Do cleaning task.

6. Are there any alternatives to cleaning, i.e. buying new underwear, pushing food aside in refrigerator, piling bills on top of each other on counter?
NO -- Proceed to Q7
YES -- Still clean. Do alternative instead of chore.

7. Is Rafa playing tennis?
NO -- Proceed to Q8
YES -- Nothing else matters. Must. Watch. Boyfriend.

8. Are you in the mood to clean?
NO -- Proceed to Q9
YES -- Get as much cleaning done as possible before mood changes, woman!

9. Is anyone coming over anytime soon?
NO -- Meh. Do whatever. Repeat Q1-9 until you *must* clean.
YES -- Crank up the iPod, pour yourself some wine, and dig in. No one outside the internets must know how you really live!

4 tips left at the bar:

penelope said...

Penelope likes this.

Tempe said...

I miss living with you. Seriously. But don't tell my husband :)

mendacious said...


almost anonymous said...

Nice. My routine looks similar...