Debbie & Sally & the Piratical Possibilities

When Debbie decided that Salt ‘n’ Pepper Beard was the most attractive pirate on the ship, she realized that choosing him was due to the advice of Sylvia, her new Life Coach, to be realistic about her own age and to open herself up to romance where it lay, unlike the troublesome past where she would have wished that only the younger pirates take advantage of her. But what the hell did Sylvia know, she thought, since the woman was obviously wacked out and referred to men in a bar as pirates on a ship? Troublesome past be damned, Debbie's drinks were telling her, go for the hot goodness of the younger men! As she left to investigate the scene out on the back patio, Debbie grabbed the arm of her closest friend and partner in Cougar crime, Sally, and the two sauntered outside to the beat of the music that was playing loudly. Once there, the Cougaristas quickly pounced on an open table by the large dance floor, ordered more drinks and began to survey their hot bodied options. Debbie and Sally both agreed that observing them on the dance floor was a good indicator of who would best suit their needs.

There was the guy - that guy that you can spot a mile away - who's fabulous in every way and knows it. Even his beer is designer. And then there was his sidekick - the slightly disproportionate best friend whose herky-jerky dance moves told them everything they needed to know. Simultaneously they called the first guy. And seeing as how they both couldn't have him, Debbie and Sally did what any respectable women in their situation would do: ordered a vodka shot and played rock-scissors-paper for him.