While You Were at the Bar 6/6

Brought to you today by Penelope!

News you can use:
The man accused of masterminding the 9/11 attacks has said that he would welcome the death penalty. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, of Pakistan, stood before the Guantanamo war crimes court along with four accused co-conspirators and refused the United States military lawyer who was appointed to him, saying his religion forbade it. (It is a specific line in the Koran.) Of his potential execution sentence, Mohammed said, "This is what I wish, to be martyred," to which I say, "Sayonara, and good luck in the afterlife."

Verizon Wireless just bought out Alltel for a cool $28.1, making VZW now the largest mobile phone provider in the U.S., over AT&T. While some analysts say that it's a "way of getting growth from a market that's completely saturated," others like myself don't get how these ginormous consolidation moves signify positive changes for the consumer. Or how they are at all legal. I am a (currently) satisfied AT&T customer, but I feel sorry for the Alltel customers, because they always seem so happy with their service and plans. And now they're stuck with VZW. But maybe I'm, ahem, more than a little biased. I can't help it, as an employer, they sucked away my then-prego soul.

Tornadoes scared the bejeezus out of a pair of circus elephants in WaKeeney, Kansas, inciting their escape into the small town. One elephant remained at large Thursday evening, while the rest of Kansas hunkered down in the face of severe weather forecasts, including "hail bigger than baseballs" and, according the National Weather Service, "a few strong to violent long-lived tornadoes." Yikes.

News you can lose:

Two men in Manhattan read our blog and wanted to participate in the Smartini Weekly Special, saying that if they were a superhero, they would totally be Spiderman! First, French stuntman Alain Roberts climbed 52 stories up the face of the New York Times Building and was promptly arrested on the roof. Then, mere hours later, a second, self-proclaimed "urban climber" named Renaldo Clarke climbed the building. And was promptly arrested. The latter Spiderman-wannabe was shipped off to Bellevue Hospital Center for evaluation, and depending on the results, Clarke may be charged with the same offenses as Roberts: reckless endangerment, making graffiti, criminal trespassing and disorderly conduct. While we appreciate your devotion to the bar, boys, your decisions today were decidedly Un-Smartini.

Word of the Day:

protean: 1.readily assuming different forms or characters; extremely variable. 2. changeable in shape or form, as an amoeba. 3. (of an actor or actress) versatile; able to play many kinds of roles.

Be sure to include protean in your daily diet, along with carbs, fruits, and vegetables.