Lilly's Story, Shamefully

Dear Smartini Nation:

I come before you with the post that was due earlier today, but due to bad decisions on my part last night, it didn't get done. Just like that time that you went out to the bar only to make bad decisions of your own... When you had to go home the next day wearing the same clothes you wore the previous night (a really cute sparkly top that looked great at the time but then in the harsh light of day is a bit jarring), your hair was all mussed up, your mascara had smudged and fallen to your under eyes and you felt a very fuzzy feeling in your mouth. Yes, just like then, I am now doing the walk of shame.

Please razz me just a little, keeping in mind how your roommates took it easy on you, with your sparkly top and all.

Thanks,
Megan


Weekly Special: The Story of Lilly, Personified

Ah, my girl Lilly. Lil. Lilllaaay. Lillykins, the most monstrous burden on society that there has ever been. This is where your tax dollars are going, my friends, to support a girl born out of forbidden love, a teenage mother, a common criminal and a ward of the state.

Her story begins as a mere glimmer in her parents' eyes... And apparently at least one set of eyes was covered with a pair of beer goggles when her Red Heeler daddy and Brittany Spaniel mama met at a party, had way too much to drink and went home together. Surely this was forbidden love, as no one in their right mind would have entertained the idea of such a pair. But, you can't argue with love (or the strong effects of alcohol) and there she was. It's unknown if Lil's daddy, Red, lived to see another day after he marred the reputation of her lovely mama, Brittany.

The next few months of Lilly's life are a bit hazy, but chances are her single mother couldn't care for all of her babies by herself and left it to her people to find adoptive parents for them while they were still baby cute. Some people who meant well took Lilly in and gave her a home, only to be hit with the cruel reality of the cycle of babies out of wedlock. At her very first blush of puberty, Lilly was with child. Babies having babies, so sad.

This terrible cycle repeated itself three more times until Lilly's adoptive parents felt they had no other choice than to turn her over to the city. In addition to her promiscuous ways, she was also guilty of killing chickens, which her adoptive parents could no longer put up with. (We suspect a level of indifference on the part of her adoptive parents.) She was incarcerated, with a brood of children, and not given a high probability of re-adoption due to her criminal behavior.

I happened to be in a very grievous state not long after Lilly's lock up and found myself looking for another adoptee. I couldn't resist the sad face of a young mother with such a heart breaking history so she came home with me, and was immediately taken to the doctor for some permanent birth control. We discovered that Lilly's time with her previous people must have been that of want as evidenced by her strong desire to lunge at food and since she would often go about securing it in crafty ways. We also discovered that Lilly is horribly addicted to peanut butter and marshmallows, which may have something to do with her easy ways with the boys.

Lilly's sentence for her promiscuity and murder includes serving as the head dish washer, an errand runner where she will go fetch things for us and as guardian of the grounds in which capacity she shouts insults at the mailman only to be bought off with goodies. She can become very nasty with strangers, if the situation warrants it, and will lash out, often brandishing her weapons. Lilly is also repaying her debt to society, and us, by being E's favorite playmate. She is often subjected to getting dressing up, pulled, tugged or laid on and being sequestered in E's room while being 'read' to.

Lil appears happy to perform her duties in exchange for food and a comfortable place to sleep. And we're happy to give it to her, ugly past and all.