smartini

Hit or Miss?

2010-01-24T23:59:00.000-05:00

Not going to do a full fashion recap of the SAG Awards, but this dress has me confused.

What do ya'll think, did Sandra Bullock get it right or wrong?

I give her a C+. The color scheme is good, but that's about it. It kind of fits her funny in the middle, and if you click on the "detail" at the top, you can see how shoulder-paddy it looks. Um, Sandra, it's not 1984 and feathers are almost always a "don't." Cute clutch, though!

Weekend W(h)ine

2010-01-23T23:25:00.000-05:00

Here at Smartini, we know to be grateful for what we have. But, sometimes you just have to w(h)ine. It helps to vent, right? So let’s make a running list of complaints, Just Because. I’ll start:

I loathe that my sciatica has returned. Constant shooting pains from tailbone down through thigh, completely out of nowhere. Literally: a pain in the ass. It’s a hangover from pregnancy, but hello, not pregnant, haven’t been for over 2 years. It’s an unproductive pain, and completely unfair.
While I love my day job, I hate that most of the time when I step away to use the bathroom, 1-2 children begin wailing as though the world has come to an end. It’s! The! Bathroom! I’ll be back in just a freaking minute.
It kills me that my husband’s side work, which is inconsistent at best, but helpful, income-wise, sucks so much that he has to quit. That level of frustration is just not worth it. But still. Money. Ugh, I hate it. I hate the lack thereof, the constant scrambling. Such a nuisance.
I need a break. From work, mainly, but when I say work, I mean not just the paying stuff, but the actual 24/7 job of raising two children. I guess that’s not so much a possibility, is it. I’m just…tired.

Okay, there’s a solid list of unsolicited complaints. Now, add your own and let’s make this a party!

General Larry

2010-01-18T11:39:00.002-05:00

For those of you who haven't already seen this awesomeness, I give you, "Pants on the Ground."*

*Sorry, Tempe.

WTF Thursday

2010-01-13T22:55:00.000-05:00

Jennifer Love Hewitt did what? (link possibly NSFW due to language/sexual references but not photos)

Seriously, ya'll. I hate to say it, but I'm gonna need a photo because how the hell is that even possible?

We 'gon drink Bacardi like it's yo birthday.

2010-01-12T10:05:00.000-05:00

Now that we've all (mostly) recovered from the hangovers earned whilst celebrating Ruby's big day, it's time to pass the bottle(s) around again to celebrate Andi's Birthday!

To quote one of my favorite someecards, "Happy Birthday Andi! If you ever disappeared while hiking, I'd remain in the search party until it started raining." That's true friendship and love, ya'll.

Sorry, didn't mean to get all sappy on the blog. Perhaps this is more appropriate, "I don't remember or card how old you are, but let's celebrate like you're 21!"

Join me in toasting Andi - one of our top 5 favorite Smartini barmaids - and leave your well wishes (and maybe someecard quotes/links?) in the comments below!

Barmaid 54, Where Are You?

2010-01-10T23:50:00.005-05:00

So, today is Ruby's birthday (whew, it snuck up on me and I just got this post in on time!) And I hear she's flown the coop (although, I have yet to actually get confirmation over the PHONE or EMAIL). Supposedly, she now resides deep in the heart of TEXAS! Even though a mere year ago, she'd uprooted and come back home to GA. She managed to kick some grad school ass and is taking names in a new PhD program?! We might have to take that poster of The Rock down to make room for all of these diplomas!

Anyway, everyone raise your glass to our beloved Ruby. Here's hoping she's having a fabulous time and can make it back into the bar for a round (or three) soon (er, along with the rest of us).

Cold Glass, Blue Moon

2009-12-31T10:45:00.000-05:00

On New Year’s Eve 2009 (tonight!), there will be a so-called blue moon. It won’t be blue. And really, the definition of “blue moon” evolved from an error. But, it is a full moon. On a night of worldwide partying. Do you believe in the power of full moons? I always kind of have; aren’t people just a little wackier? Children act more wired and sleep less. I for one had a bizarre series of strange/bad dreams last night. I’ve heard that more car accidents occur on the night of a full moon. Among other oddities.

I offer these thoughts not as forewarning, but more as contemplation or speculation. Wonder if the ringing in of a new year and a new decade will have a little more… flavor than usual. Perhaps we’ll discuss in the morning. In the meantime, everyone have lots of fun and be safe tonight! Cheers!

Oh, Santa! You shouldn't have!

2009-12-30T15:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa,

I don't want to seem like a completely ungrateful beer wench because I honestly love, love, love my new yoga mat and brown boots you brought me. And I realize that I did in fact ask for wooden spoons in my stocking this year (unlike that time when I was 5 years old and my parents pretended that's all I was getting because I'd been a bad girl).

It's just, there's something I need to speak to you about.

A VACUUM CLEANER IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE CHRISTMAS GIFT.

Yes, I'm 30 years old. Yes, my house is messy. Yes, my hands clean the carpet better than my current vacuum cleaner from college that cost $30.

But really, Santa. It's like the slutty chic from Love, Actually says to Professor Snape, "Don't give me something I need; buy me something I want."

Now, if you want to give me a Dyson, that's one thing. Those bitches are badass, have wanted one ever since the British guy first got on TV talking about how innovative they are. But a regular ole DirtDevil? I mean, that's fantastic and I totally need one and will definitely use it. . .but maybe don't put it under the tree on Christmas morning? Because that makes me feel old, Santa, and I'm trying really hard not to be old (see aforementioned 30 yrs old, messy house).

Otherwise, well done and thanks so much for the Christmas cheer (especially those mimosas at breakfast)! Have a lovely New Year with Mrs. Claus and Rudolph, and I look forward to seeing you and non-cleaning related gifts under the tree next year.

Love,
Niki

Anyone else receive any slightly "offensive" gifts from Santa and his elves?

Happiness

2009-12-28T23:26:00.007-05:00

Just a few things that make me Happy.

The world's largest Whitman's "Sampler" - it was only 1 layer and we had the audacity to be miffed by the "lack" of chocolate.

Glorious sunsets at the lake. It's hard to truly capture how the sky is on fire, but it's still pretty.

my full Christmas card tree!

my son's new bookshelf. Mostly because it gave me the semblance of order in one tiny corner of the house. If only you could see what's off camera. yowza!! suitcase and closet explosion!

And my kids happily and harmoniously playing with new toys (having room to play and place to put them up!)

Hope everyone rings in the New Year with lots of happiness. We'd love to hear about the little things that make you happy this time of year in the comments.

Merry, Merry!

2009-12-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

Christmas! The only day of the year where it’s socially acceptable to mix up rum drinks well before noon.

It *is* acceptable, right?

Cheers from all of us at Smartini to our faithful patrons! May you have a wonderful day celebrating with family and friends, appreciating all the joys in this life!

‘Tis the Season

2009-12-23T20:00:00.000-05:00

…To be drinking! We may have covered this territory in the past, but alcohol causes memory loss, so I can’t be sure. How do you stay toasty on a fine winter’s eve, celebrating with family and friends? I personally can’t wait to pour a glass of eggnog with a healthy splash of rum. I also discovered in 2009 that (taking notes, Ruby?) RUBY RED SPLASH, by Sierra Mist, matches well with vodka. Very well indeed. Best with crushed ice, nice and crisp and clear for your solstice aperitif.

Any fancy concoctions or secret recipes you wish to share? Please do so in comments. Cheers!

Dry Martini

2009-12-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

It will be a few weeks before *real* TV starts up again, and even then, only a few shows as the others take even longer to trickle back in. I know it’s the holidays, and there’s plenty to focus on—shopping, wrapping, baking, traveling, moving across the country again for the second year running. (Pop quiz: which barmaid is this nuts? And also so smartini, considering her reasons for going.) And there are a few things to watch on TV, from ABC Family’s 25 Days of Christmas to a new and fabulous season of “Better off Ted.”

But, especially after the start of the new year, when all the Christmas specials have run their course, this barmaid wants to know: What will you watch? Perhaps full television shows on DVD from Santa? Back episodes of missed TV on hulu and the DVR? Or drying paint on the wall. I’m just not sure what to do with myself until Jim and Pam return, not to mention the hot doctors of Seattle Grace and the brilliance that will hopefully be “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.”

Please advise, as will soon be dying in the pop culture desert, from thirst.

Philoso-tini

2009-12-21T23:55:00.000-05:00

I’m not sure whether any of the other girls watch “Survivor,” but I’m a big fan, with big thoughts on my mind after the finale. Although Dalton Ross of EW.com pretty much nailed all my feelings on why last night’s jury vote was the lamest in “Survivor” history, I have a few more generalized ideas about final Tribal Councils, culled over 19 seasons. The argument is perhaps a little dry, but it ultimately boils down to plain and simple logic, regarding who should win. With, in this season’s case, very frustrating results.

The game is called “Survivor,” with the goal to “Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.”
The game is not called “Nice on an Island,” with the goal win a million dollars by being everyone’s best friend.
You can and most likely will make a few friends during the game, and these friendships may carry over into the real world, after the game. I’m sure that’s nice.
You do not, of course, have to be gratuitously mean, dishonorable, etc., within the context of the game. Those actions serve no one.
“Survivor” is not the real world (nor an office, Jaison). It is, in fact, a game.
The goal of the game is to vote everyone else out so you can be the last man standing.
Means do not matter. Or rather, a vote-out is a vote-out: there is no honor or dishonor to it. It is what it is, and it must be done.
Transparency within the course of elimination strategy, i.e. letting the person know you are about vote them out, is not wise or conducive to your own goal of staying in the game: How do you know that person won’t stage a coup against you?
Therefore, secrets and lies, both defensive and offensive, are an integral part of the game. Everyone does it. It is part of the “outwit.” A necessary “evil.”
Considering the rules and goals of the game, however, outwitting (lying cleverly) can’t logically be classified as “evil.”
If and when you do vote another person out, he will likely be bitter because he did not vote you out, first, and therefore will not win the game himself.
Because of these sour grapes, he may consider the instigator(s) of his own downfall something like “dishonorable” or “lacking in integrity.”
He may also label tribe mates who played instrumental roles in his vote-off as “not as dishonorable” if those tribe mates have more desirable/less offensive personality traits. Or were less bold about taking credit for the vote.
However, if the “less dishonorable” tribe mates allowed, encouraged, and/or praised the primary vote-off instigator in his strategy, they are in fact no less culpable. They, too, technically are “dishonorable,” too. Perhaps dishonorable and weak, allowing another to field all the bullets of blame. Weakness, in this way, should not technically be valued by jury members, either, considering the goal of “outplay.”
If all final players up for a million dollars are, by nature of the game, “dishonorable” because they directly or indirectly outwitted the players voted out before them, the term “dishonorable” and similar should be canceled out entirely on this level playing field. And the point of the game is not to vote for the least dishonorable person—or maybe it is.
The money and final vote should go to the person who did outwit, outplay, and outlast most brilliantly. Moral standards of honor and integrity cannot and should not apply, as their place is moot within the context of this game, this world, this set of standards and rules.
Therefore, regardless of whether you loved or hated Russell (and I, for one, loved him by the end), he should have hands-down been awarded the money and title of Sole Survivor. Not Ratalie. Because as Sue Hawk once famously said, the laws of nature require that the snake eat the rat, and the jury should allow it.

The End. Interestingly, this question of so-called moral integrity and its place in the game will run front and center in the next edition of “Survivor,” which will pit “heroes” vs. villains. And I. Can’t. Wait!

Sad-Tini

2009-12-20T14:55:00.000-05:00

Who knows if the reports are true, but within the past hour, TMZ and other news sources have reported that Brittany Murphy, 32, is dead. From ~~drugs~~ cardiac arrest. Between her and Lohan and a few other emaciated starlets with skin clinging to bones and eyes bugging out of their once-pretty faces, news like this doesn’t come as a complete shock, but it’s a shock nonetheless. Because, what a damn shame. Too young. Potential snuffed. Etc. I feel sorry for their moms. (Well, maybe not Dina.)

Remember Brittany in “Clueless?” And “Drop Dead Gorgeous?” So funny. And somehow normal and healthier than later Brittany appearances. An interview a few years ago on “Ellen” also pops into my mind, when she bantered with the host re: how young she began talking as a baby. It was some absurd age at which no child ever really learns to talk. Regardless of whether it was true, the interview made her seem relatable and down-to-earth as she spoke of her mother and grandmother and her childhood. At that young age, she was probably easily imagined as an actress, a star, when she grew up. Famous. But dead? Sigh. I can’t think of a bigger waste.

Well, if it’s not a hoax, rest in peace, Brittany Murphy. I’ll always think of you clunking your head on the overhead light in “Clueless” and then, “rollin’ with the homeys…”

Out with a bang

2009-11-30T22:50:00.001-05:00

So. . it's DECEMBER, ya'll!

What do you have left you want to get done in 2009?

Comment Card: It's Monday

2009-11-30T09:04:00.004-05:00

Can we say OHIM for Oh Hell It's Monday? Probably so since most of our problems probably do relate to a Him. So OHIM, y'all.

It's Monday, and I'm _______________________.

* eating oatmeal with a fork.
* already behind.
* sleep deprived.
* tired of leftovers.
* moving to Texas in a month.
* going to work out like a mad woman.
* glad my children are back in school.

Full of Thanks

2009-11-26T21:06:00.004-05:00

Hope everyone had a Happy Turkey day, counting blessings and not carbs! ;)

I'm a week late, but felt it appropriate to share today the list I'd been making, but just never got around to posting last week.

*Midol (we won't mention the migraine I later got that wasted an entire day and then some)

*New laptop and work to do on it!

*Healthy family (not complaining that both of my kids turned into snot factories and coughing machines after adding this to the list, still very healthy in general)

*Diet Cherry Coke

*Supportive, loving family and friends - of the encouraging and understanding variety.

*the lake

*pictures

*hulu

*sunshine and cool weather

*a weekend at home

*billable hours (see #2 above)

*helpful and generally polite children

*free places to play and eat

*the Internet

*grandparents that are willing to watch dogs and kids so I can spend 2 hours staring at some steamy abs and mesmerizing eyes on the big screen (even despite hair issues and adjusting to character/actor choices and critiquing the kissing)

*travel size perfume bottle and pump lotion that twists to lock so it doesn't get everywhere

*yummy food and quality time preparing it

*a husband that suggested getting up early and going out on Black Friday to get some shopping done!

Let’s Discuss

2009-11-25T18:45:00.000-05:00

Some of this is NSFW, but I presume most of you won’t be W-ing the next few days anyway. We have to talk about this series of products! Particularly items number… well, I’ll let you decide.

taylor fugsen

2009-11-25T09:51:00.007-05:00

Once upon a time, Taylor Momsen was cute. Pretty, even. Little J had great hair and awesome style.

Now, I seriously feel like Ms. Momsen is morphing into a bleached-blonde, overdone cross between Lady GaGa (not a good thing) and Courtney Love (def. not a good thing).

Case in point - here's before. So cute, even with the headband a la Blair Waldorf:

And now, here's her impression of a too-skinny Lady Gaga/Mrs. Curt Cobain:

Honey, your hair is too blond, and it's dark outside, so sunglasses (esp those) really aren't needed. And eat something, please. You're beginning to look like a bobblehead.

I'd like the old Little J back, please...

The Twi-Fug Hair Saga

2009-11-24T14:30:00.000-05:00

So I went on a date with my boyfriend, Edward, last night, and it was amazing. I mean, he left me for months, sending me into a deep, dark depression, yadda, yadda, and then I had to fly to Italy before he had his head permanently cracked off by a less-than-savory posse of the Italian vampires. But he came back to me eventually, and now we’re happier than ever. In the meantime, while Edward was gone, bonus! I was able to spend some quality time with my best friend Jacob and his abs. It was 108 degrees hot.

I had a *small* issue with the wolf pack’s choice of shorts, like they were a smidge tight, or something? Not quite from this decade. But I won’t quibble. Tight shorts can’t possibly be considered a problem, considering views from both the waist down and the waist up.

My main fashion contention is with Jasper’s hair. Why. That is my only question. Just, why.

Viewers of the sadly short-lived ABC Family show, Beautiful People, will recall that Jackson Rathbone is supposed to look like THIS:

Not…THIS:

I understand that Jasper is supposed to be blond, and perhaps reminiscent of a certain historical period, i.e. the Civil War. But how is a goofy blond perm okay to put on this man? It just isn’t right. He looks, in a word, ree-diculous. Stylists could have done better. Not only would they have saved Rathbone from looking like Ronald McDonald’s somber vampire cousin, but they would have upped the overall hotness factor for the Twilight franchise. Like that’s even necessary—but still. Two movies left, people. Get Jasper right.

Fugtastic.

2009-11-22T19:52:00.001-05:00

Ya'll know those girls over at Go Fug Yourself, right?

Well, this week, we're trying on their hats and bringing you some WTFug? posts throughout the week. . .you know, in honor of Thanksgiving and all. (And if you see that connection, then Salut!, because you've had as much wine as I have tonight.)

To get us started, I bring you a "preview" of the Playgirl issue we've all been waiting for.

No.

Not Robert Pattinson (or Taylor Lautner). But close. Levi Johnston. (link possibly NSFW, but nothing crazy) UPDATE: NSFW! Totally did not see the sidebar until Bj & Andi commented! Sorry ladies!

My two cents - dude's ok, but not really Playgirl material. Especially his butt. I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin'.

thankful

2009-11-20T08:45:00.000-05:00

For…

Five years of marriage (today!) that have been far easier to keep beautiful than I’d ever imagined.
Two healthy, beautiful kids that are simultaneously the greatest challenge and joy of my life.
Friends, the full range, from acquaintances to besties. You are all important.
Modern conveniences, from the Internets to digital photography to Rain-X. They are all a wonder.
EW magazine, the highlight of my Friday.
Good, smart, fun TV, in spite of what the critics think.
The music that gets us each through the day.
Words. The ability to write them, to read them, etc.
Sales, and the savvy imparted over a lifetime by my mother to navigate them.
Yoga.
Freedom.
Faith.

It's the little things.

2009-11-19T23:08:00.003-05:00

In addition to Tempe's and Ruby's lists, for which I am also super-duper thankful because her mom is one kick-ass mo-fo, dogs f-ing rule, and Eric Northman is H-O-T, I am also giving thanks for the little things in life:

* My iPod - without which I would probably go crazy

* Awesome friends - without which I would definitely go crazy

* Rafael Nadal - yeah, I give up. I'm crazy anyway.

I know this seems like a short list, but honestly, my dog, my iPod, and my friends are keeping me afloat, and that coupled with a little eye candy is all a girl really needs (not counting family, shelter, food, and water).

giving thanks, in list form

2009-11-17T15:48:00.003-05:00

I'm thankful for:

*My parents.

*My husband.

*The anti-viral drug Peramavir, the drug that very likely saved my mother's life last week.

*Hugs - from someone special - or from a random stranger that sees you need one while you're crying your eyes out in the ICU waiting room.

*Kind nurses and doctors who treat you like people, not sicknesses or numbers on a list.

*Good friends - for their prayers, thoughts, e-mails, text messages, food, laughter, and support.

*Answered prayers.

*Sweet tea.

Thankful for: Vampires

2009-11-16T18:22:00.003-05:00

Also, I am thankful for: New Moon's release!

(I saw this in the window of a car at my work. How awesome is that?! And yes, that would be me in reflection.)

Totally unrelated, can get y'all to weigh in on this conundrum?

My local theater has a midnight showing of New Moon, but then a 11 o'clock showing on Friday morning. How lame am I if I go to the midnight show where the average age will be well below 20? Or should I just revel in the fact that I can go at 11 AM (a time when all of the midnight show-goers are in school) and be lame with women closer to my age, which is in fact not 20?

What do you think?

Thankful for: Dogs

2009-11-16T09:51:00.003-05:00

We are completing this sentence this week:

I am thankful for ___________.

Since I am thankful for lots and lots of things, I don't think I can confine myself to just one post. To get me started, here is one thing that I am absolutely thankful for: the love of a dog.

Dog Goes Nuts During Soldier Homecoming - Watch more Funny Videos

HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!

Comment Cards #5

2009-11-06T00:44:00.000-05:00

Please complete the following sentence with your anticipatory words of wisdom:

I'm so glad it's Friday because I'm going to _________________________.

Shall I?

* get the hell outta here
* have a drink OR TWELVE
* celebrate my baby girl turning 2!
* finally catch up on all of the stuff I didn't do this week
* knock off work early

Comment Cards #4 Let Fly

2009-11-05T00:53:00.001-05:00

Please complete the following sentence with your unfiltered words of wisdom:

If I could, I would just love to say __________________________.

May I?

* DAMMIT!
* shut. the. hell. up.
* monkeys could do this, why can't you?
* I'm taking the day off
* I'll take it
* your kid needs to see #2

Comment Cards #3 So Shut Up

2009-11-04T00:36:00.002-05:00

Please complete the following sentence with your defiant gems of wisdom:

I don't care what y'all say, I'm going to ____________________ anyway.

Ruby's first:

* go to the tanning bed
* go through the drive through
* procrastinate
* live in blind fear of cockroaches

Comment Cards #2 Why oh why?

2009-11-03T00:44:00.001-05:00

Please complete the following sentence with the wisdom that can only come from experience:

Why in the hell did I ___________________________ ?

Allow me:

* eat the whole damn thing?
* say Yes?
* push snooze 17 times?
* think that this was a good idea?
* spend all of my money?
* have that last drink?

Comment Cards #1 Liars

2009-11-02T00:41:00.004-05:00

Please complete the following sentence with your wise words of wisdom (I totally wanted to spell wisdom, wisedom, but spell checker says no. Makes sense to me!):

Those jackasses LIED when they told me _________________________.

May I suggest:

* you can highlight your hair at home, from a box
* it tastes like chicken
* those shoes are totally hot
* you look the same as you did in high school
* there aren't any cops on that road
* it will only hurt for a minute

For all of you Facebookers

2009-10-29T13:13:00.002-04:00

I am not one of you, you Facebook fiends, but I thought that y'all would get a kick out of this:

I need your feedback: Who's With Me?

2009-10-27T18:34:00.007-04:00

Halloween is coming, and in that spirit I want to get your thoughts on a very serious subject:

The safety of little children dressed as ghosts running through the streets? No.

The will power required to not scarf down a whole bowl of Halloween candy? Important, but not this time.

The intricacies of hand-making a delicate angel costume to showcase your pure qualities? Um, that'd be a NO.

What I need to hear from you about is the tendency for women to take Halloween as a carte blanche to wear costumes that are a tad bit more, let's say, revealing, than their normal attire. I mean, what kind of closet hooker participates in this activity?!

I know y'all know what I'm talking about, and I would really like to hear your thoughts on these trashy women.

Women like this one who isn't the thinnest girl in the world but apparently decided that she needed to be Strawberry Shortcake at a Halloween party one year. And that she needed to wear shoes that had absolutely no bearing on the outfit, she just wanted to wear heels. And look like stripper. And she may or may not be drunk in this photo, as she is being held up by her Pope husband. Who is holding her SS hat in his hand (so you can imagine how damn cute she was earlier in the evening).

WOMEN LIKE ME HER.

Discuss.

(This was a few year and a few pounds ago. I will not be wearing this getup this year. But I still may be a closet hooker. Maybe.)

Let’s go to the Movies

2009-10-22T00:15:00.001-04:00

My most recent trip to the theater was to see the Toy Story double feature in 3D with my kids - my son’s first-ever time at the movies. It was only in theaters for 2 weeks* and was a [mostly] great experience, even if Little Man came away with some injuries thanks to folding seats and darkness.

Prior to this outing, I went to the theater back in July to see Up in 3D with my daughter for her first-ever theater going experience.

The time before that. . was February of 2007, I believe, when I went with my former co-worker and boss during the day to see Music & Lyrics with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. I remember this experience as the first time I realized I might be pregnant again, because I got VERY dizzy riding in the back of my boss’ truck and had to lay down across the seats. Yeah, don’t really remember too much about the movie itself, if that tells you anything about it, sadly.

I also remember going to see X-men with my co-worker and boss one time a couple of years ago and before that was Spider-man (the original) on my honeymoon 7+ years ago in Asheville, NC!

Clearly, I don’t go to the theater much anymore and given the ticket prices ($10 MATINEE?) it’s understandable! There are movies I would like to see on the big screen, though. Like Harry Potter. I sadly don’t have any girlfriends nearby to catch it with. I’d LOVE to also go see New Moon coming out soon. But, I need to see the first movie first. I’m excited about Toy Story 3 coming out (*the reason I am sure they are building up interest again) I wish they’d do another Monsters, Inc. It’s a cute movie and clearly leaves it open for a sequel. I’m sure it’s silly, and probably more of a rental (although those prices are pretty steep these days, too, no?) but I’d like to see The Proposal. I’ve heard mixed reviews, but I like Sandra Bullock and think it would be a light, cotton candy type of movie. I can handle those types every now and then, if I know what I’m going to get. I’m sure there are others that if I looked into, I would want to see, but since I’m most likely not going to fork over the money or take the time with my already backlogged DVR roll and online watching, I don’t look into it further. I do love movies, just don’t have much time for them anymore.

Do YouTube videos count as movies?

2009-10-21T13:24:00.001-04:00

Remember when Ruby introduced us to the beautiful music parody, "I'm On a Boat?" Well, I do. It has been a source of comfort and good times for me ever since.

Check out this take on it, which had me laughing out loud (or lol, as the tweeps say).

Please excuse me while I go watch it one more time before I gotta go back to work.

Movie Night at the Bar

2009-10-19T01:21:00.001-04:00

We’ve got popcorn (do you like it drowning in the oil they call butter?) with our drinks this week as we’ll be discussing movies we’ve actually seen in the theater (some recently and some in a distant, other-life past) as well as ones we can’t wait to go see (or wish we had gone to see on the big screen).

Let us know: if we had a movie premiere night at the bar, what would you want to see?

Let's Save the World! (and the Whales :)

2009-10-15T22:04:00.000-04:00

Like Ruby, I'm pretty much a sucker for whatever charity someone is desperately trying to raise funds for in a given moment. I tend to veer toward animal and environmental charities naturally, but throw a video of a sick kid or homeless person in front of me, and I'll give you whatever I can.

My favorite charity of the moment is the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust - see the video below, featuring Edward Norton. It gets me every time. (and dude, he's never been hotter than in this video when he uses the phrase "terrestrial biodiversity" - because I'm nerdy like that)

I'm also a HUGE fan of Donors Choose, where you can select among a gillion different school projects for underfunded school programs. You just gotta click the link and check it out to really appreciate it. It rocks. Trust.

Last but not least, The Animal Rescue Site - which partners with The Hunger Site and several other "sites" featuring literacy, breast cancer research, rainforest conservation, and children's health. What's cool about these sites is that you don't have give any money - just clicking helps each cause. (So click every day!) What's even cooler is that they have products you can buy which help fund each particular site's cause, or even just donate to random things like...

* Feed an orphaned baby elephant (click link for pics)

* Feed a Haitian student for a year

or

* Liberate girls from indentured servitude

The list is endless. And now I wish I was Richie Rich so I could give all my money away. Really, though, it doesn't always take cash to make a difference. Sometimes a smile or helping hand to someone having a bad day can make someone's life better. Like Ben Harper says, we can change the world with our Own Two Hands.

Make it a double

2009-10-14T23:04:00.001-04:00

My charity of choice at the moment is Kohl’s Cares for Kids.

~~If you are lazy~~ It’s really simple – all stores have displays at all entrances/exits of merchandise – and who can’t find something at Kohl’s? It’s convenient for me to have these opportunities in places I’m already ~~dragging the kids to~~ shopping at. ~~If you are cheap~~ It’s only $5 and ~~if you are greedy~~ the stuff you get is is really good; great books and stuffed animals. And not just some random books or animals, the books are good, popular books like Dr. Seuss and the animals are characters from the books, which is exciting and relatable for kids. They are really soft, too, not cheaply made. They really make great gifts – I’ve seen several given at baby showers, birthday parties, etc. It’s a little vague about where specifically the money goes, but I believe it does serve the local communities and claims 100% of the net profits goes to the programs (but how much net profit is there on $5? I don’t know.) I just like the convenience, the fact that you get something in return and the quality of what you get. It’s a twofer: feel good and get goods, so be sure to buy a round.

Taking care of business

2009-10-14T19:30:00.004-04:00

I have two orders of business to take care of today:

1) to tell you about a charity that is near and dear to me

and

2) to tell you about something else that is hi-larious and potentially embarrassing

So, first things first. I can't say that I have been a true advocate for one particular charity, per se, because I tend to give small amounts all across the board. Usually when I hear of a fundraiser to benefit one charity or another I will instantly feel compelled to give because at that moment, I had never been more moved upon hearing the plight of the North Antarctic Blue Snake With Wings. But truly, the charities that I will give to without fail (if I can) are the ones that benefit children. The March of Dimes is one that gets my empathy flowing every single time. St. Jude's is another. If there are children who need my help, then by gosh I'm going to give it. North Antarctic Blue Snakes With Wings can wait until another day!

Ok, now that the real business is out of the way, I need to steer this ship askew for a moment. A late breaking development at my house has the Ruby family selling one of our long loved vehicles, my 15 year old Explorer. The first vehicle that I bought all on my own. The vehicle that I brought both of my girls home from the hospital in. The vehicle that moved to Kansas with us and then faithfully moved back. Now the old girl (because I'm pretty sure that it's a girl) is nearing the end of her lifespan and most likely won't make it on another cross country adventure, so we needed to sell her.

It all came about rather quickly, the vehicle selling. So quickly that my husband had to clean out the Explorer that I have owned for 10 years, instead of me. When I saw the pile of stuff that came out of it, there was one thing that stood out among the rest. And then my husband says 'Guess what I found?! A MIX TAPE that has your name on it. 'Ruby's Tape.'' Oh hell. I have only ever had one mix tape made for me, and that was way back in my freshman year of high school. I guess I had put it in the center console of the Explorer back in the day and I haven't thought about for years.

The only song that I remember being on that tape is Desperado by The Eagles. (Think older senior boy who had a thing for freshman girl but freshman girl was not interested in more than friendship.) BUT WHAT ELSE COULD BE ON THE TAPE?!

I'll give you a little while to make your guesses and then I will listen to said tape and reveal its contents.

This is going to be good. Or really, really bad. I can't decide.

God Bless The early '90's.

And have mercy on me.

we're givers, y'all.

2009-10-13T09:56:00.003-04:00

So it's Breast Cancer Awareness month, and barmaid Andi has a great idea. Let's give a shout out to our favorite charities, in the hopes of spreading goodwill throughout the bar.

Do you break for squirrels? The barmaids will tell you about their favorite charity for our furry friends. Do you believe, like (the pre-crack addicted) Whitney Houston, that the children are our future? Then hopefully our girls will give you info on their chosen kid-centered cause.

It's time to give back, ladies! Drinks on the house!

The Big 3-0!

2009-10-13T08:46:00.000-04:00

Happy happy happy birthday to our last barmaid to bid adieu to her 20s. Happy 30th Tempe!!

Please join me in raising a glass (or 7) in her honor.

And now, a request and dedication, old-school style. Temp, if I still had my little red convertible, I'd drive up to see you and we'd kick it like we were 16 again!

Which song would you ask Casey Casem to play for our Temp?

Exactly

2009-10-12T14:09:00.000-04:00

Clamshell Bonus

2009-10-09T01:37:00.001-04:00

With my extra clams, I’d get my (desperately needed dose of) retail therapy in the following ways:

~new kicks for running. I know we’re not supposed to get things we *need* but if Niki gets to pick out yoga mats and pants, then I get to keep shoes on my list. Maybe even two pair, since I supposedly technically should have different types for running versus taking my kickboxing class at the gym?

~cute clothes for myself and the kids. I’d love some good boots, tights, skirts, skirts and sweater dresses – and the body to pull them off, please (ok, so I know that goes waaay beyond the bonus, but a girl can dream, right?). And fun places to wear them to. I kind of have a thing for coats, so another one wouldn’t hurt, right? I especially love the jewel blue color that’s popular this season. I can’t justify spending this kind of money, unless it’s pretend and then I go a little crazy.

~fix my CD player in the car or get XM radio.

~new laptop just for me. with LOTS of storage for my pictures.

So, I may be over my limit, but who’s really counting? Even just one of these would make me happy as a clam.

Clamshell Fairy > Tooth Fairy

2009-10-06T22:20:00.001-04:00

Not that I've been thinking about this or anything, but I'd probably buy:

This yoga mat, $70

New yoga pants, perhaps like these, $55

A bike, $??

Tennis racquet, $??

Tennis coach, $??

Wine, $??

Clamshell fairy, I'm way grateful and don't mean to be greedy, but I'm also gonna need some new boots, sweater dresses, and suits for work. If one of the other bartenders doesn't make her shift, can I get her $500?

Clammin' Up

2009-10-06T18:28:00.003-04:00

(I'd appreciate it if y'all would not take notice of how late I am showing up. Thank you.)

So I have these $500 clamshells, see? And it doesn't take me very long to spend, spend, spend!

First things first: the de-masculinization of a cat that recently adopted our family

Second thing: the feeding and immunization of a dog that recently adopted our family (I kid you not - two strays within a matter of weeks)

Third thing: Shoes. And cute, cheap jewelry.

Fourth: A NEW COACH PURSE. Yes!

And finally, with whatever is left after the first four: Suave Clinical Strength deodorant for everyone! It works like a dream (since I have professed my need for a deo that can than get the job done) and is only $4.99! Yippee!

Geek Support

2009-10-06T16:00:00.000-04:00

I am so very happy about our recent clamshell bonus here at the bar, which incidentally is the best place of employment EVER. Five hundred smackers! What will I do?

Easy: I’m buying theater tickets.

That’s right, I’m (apparently) a theater geek. I used to classify a very small handful of musicals as watchable, such as Annie, and Grease, and White Christmas. Then I met Mamma Mia! and it was all over. Until I went to my very first Broadway show last month, The Lion King, and then it was really, really over. I *heart* the theater and don’t care who knows it! (Ruby. Don’t judge.)

So, I’m going to take my 500 clamshells from the Clamshell Fairy and buy theater tickets for some Broadway production here in our state. And, since I can’t choose, and because I don’t mind sitting in the nosebleed section, I’m going to buy tickets for every single one that interests me. Screw choosing, I’m going for it all: Mamma Mia! Annie. Mary Poppins. Wicked. Beauty and the Beast. Cinderella. Grease. And Phantom. That should do for now. I’m only sad that tickets to Legally Blond aren’t available in the 2010 season.

What exactly has come over my snarky self with this newly found theater love? I have no idea. It has simply become clear to me that the world would be a much better place if we all broke into song and choreographed dance numbers at regular intervals.

Thanks, Clamshell Fairy! xoxoxoxo, pen

Someone Forgot To Set the Alarm

2009-10-06T08:39:00.000-04:00

Last week's discussions of clamshells (or lack thereof) clearly upset our bartenders. Please excuse our tardiness, as a four-day bender was obviously called for to deal with the situation.

Because we don't like to live in reality, this week we'll be engaging in a little bit of escapism. A magical clamshell fairy has gifted us $500 each to "spend" at our leisure. She said we weren't allowed to use it for loans, and it would serve her fairy purpose if we didn't use it for something we need.

Come join the shopping spree as we tell you what we'd buy if clamshell fairies truly existed!

Making [hard] Lemonade

2009-10-02T10:39:00.001-04:00

*A year ago tomorrow I was called into my boss’ office and let go due to financial times after 7 years. The only job I knew, straight from college. Insurance gone. Income gone. But, we’ve managed and it’s been one of the best years spending time with my kids and getting to do a lot of fun things together.

*In April, the tree fell and knocked off 3 stories of decking. But, the house was saved, no one was hurt and the reworked deck and patio and driveway extension are just awesome.

*Last Monday, we had torrential rains again after 10 days worth of heavy 10+ inches of rain and while the creek in our backyard flooded and rushed over it’s banks, I was thankful we lived up on a hill. Except, we live in the middle of a hill, so water was still coming down from up above us, collecting at the house and apparently the ground was too saturated to handle it, so the basement leaked and seeped through the carpet in the closet (containing a LOT of junk) and out into the finished room. But, we managed to get things out before they were ruined and pulled up half of the carpet and got things dried out. We weren’t in love with the carpet and had gotten some tile on a big sale years ago. It’s just a matter of time and clamshells to really replace everything.

*Last Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat. But, I had a doctor’s appointment already scheduled that morning to follow up on some medicine and the kids set up for day care for a couple of hours. I tested positive for Strep throat?! But, caught it early enough that it didn’t get horrible with unbearable pain. And thankfully, I think I was spared passing it on to my family.

*Monday both of my kids got sick and threw up. One in the car seat on the ride home. ick. But, thankfully, it was short-lived and by Tuesday, we were much improved and Hubby and I managed to escape the same fate. This time. We seem to be getting this gunk every couple of weeks since July! So, please, Universe, we’ve had our share of Winter time bugs during the SUMMER, ok? We don’t need another round this Winter.

*There are plenty of trivial things that add up at times to overwhelm me, but overall, I’m really trying to stay positive and thankful for what we do have. I am trying, but I’m sure many friends think much of these woes seems like a broken record that I keep repeating. Stay positive. Thankful. Even if I did start getting a sore throat again last night and took the last of my antibiotic this morning. It’s enough to make me want to scream. Except my throat hurts.

Help a Sister Out

2009-10-02T00:04:00.003-04:00

Dear Universe,

First of all, I agree with Pen and Ruby. The clamshells, they are problematic, and we need to work on that. In turn, I will agree to not buy so much expensive dark, delicious chocolate. Also, let's really try to hold off on the aches and pains of aging. I know I ran a little longer on the treadmill the other day than normal, but really, 3 days of back/neck cricks is a little MUCH.

Other than this, you're doing ok these days. You have improved 2009 A LOT since the first half, so kudos for that.

Now that I've gotten the gratitude out of the way, I'd like to talk about the crazy. Yes. The Crazy.

You know, the Crazy that comes approximately once a month? Yeah. That one. I quit taking birth control because it exacerbated the Crazy, made it stick around the entire month. And I guess I can see how you think only a few days/one week is a pretty good trade off, but really, it is SO NOT.

My co-workers, friends, semi-significant other don't always know hormones are responsible, and I simply cannot afford to be an irrational, neurotic bitch 5 days a month (60 days a year) on the job/at home/at the bar. I will get fired. I will get dumped. I will lose drinking buddies and become a lonesome alcoholic.

You don't want that, do you?

No. I didn't think so.

So please, for the love of me, tone down the Crazy. I can't take it anymore, and wine is only an acceptable medicine part of the time.

LYLAS,

Niki

Seriously.

2009-09-30T20:40:00.001-04:00

Dear Universe,

You know I don’t like to beg. But seriously? We need to discuss something that I’m going to call… clamshells. Because I don’t normally like to even talk about clamshells, I loathe clamshells, but issues with clamshells incite regular penelope meltdowns, and it’s time we lay it all out on the table and admit this ugly truth.

The main thing is, I know it’s my own darn fault that I have a low supply of clamshells. But have you seriously not taken notice of my efforts to pay back borrowed clamshells and return to some sense of normalcy re: regular clamshell supply? You have? You’ve seen all budget cuts I’ve made in our company, the cutbacks, the conservation efforts, the true diligence in returning every spare clamshell we can? Well how come every time I even start to have a tiny sense that we *may* be able to shovel ourselves out of of the clamshell hole in a reasonable amount of time, you go ahead and put us back at Square 1. I’m dying to know.

For instance, why after returning a huge shipment of borrowed clamshells to the original distributor do you insist on BREAKING THE CAR and thereby, in one evil, fell swoop, leveling the clamshell playing field once again? It makes me want to weep. And I have. Because seriously, Universe, that’s just downright mean. And you’ve done it multiple times! If it’s not the car breaking, it’s something else. You always have something up your sleeve, you always wait for just the right moment to execute that terrible little sucker punch.

I’ve got my shovel in hand and I’m breaking a sweat, have been for months—years now, really. And waiting. Waiting for you to CUT ME A BREAK. Lessons re: clamshell borrowing have been learned. The hard way. Several times over. A little recognition, recompense here would be lovely.

Not your biggest fan at the moment, at least when it comes to clamshells,

penelope

P.S. In many other ways, I am your biggest fan, truly. But this—it’s a big deal. As I would say in bad traffic, Come the eff ON! Seriously.

On Repeat: Fireflies

2009-09-30T11:03:00.004-04:00

I'd like to interrupt my prescribed task of ticking off The Universe with this song:

Fireflies - Owl City

Love, love, love it!

Also, the video is here on YouTube. I can't embed it, but it might be worth your time to check it out if you enjoy seeing all sorts of toys from the 80's (and beyond?). A Speak & Spell? Rock on!

I'm asking for it, but I don't care

2009-09-28T05:30:00.001-04:00

Dear The Universe,

Hey, it's me.

I know you know who I am, so don't go looking around the room with that confused look on your face that says 'It's me? It's me? Are we at that stage in our relationship yet?' Because we are at that stage, My Friend. We got to that stage when you decided to screw with me and let me turn 30. Or get fat. Either one.

You see, Uni (can I call you that?), when I got fat and turned 30, you should have made damn sure that my brain knew I was old and fat. But you didn't. And so when I found myself standing face to face with a trampoline, a contraption that I had not been on in over 14 years, I couldn't help but relive the glory days of bouncing high, higher, and highest out in my backyard in my mind. I stared at the trampoline and craved to experience the double bounce again. I needed to play popcorn once more - because I was SO GOOD at it back in the day! I felt that I couldn't live another day of my poor, pathetic, trampolineless life without jumping once more.

'It's time for us to go girls, y'all go on and head inside...' I said to my daughter and her friend. 'I'll be right in.'

And up I climbed. Daughter's friend's dad watched and laughed as I started my initial jumps, completely understanding the need to bounce. 'My shirt keeps coming up when I jump,' I complained, 'so I have to keep holding it down. I can't get my arms pumping to help me go higher!' Daughter's friend's dad understood my maniacal rant and turned to go inside so that I could fly with reckless belly showing abandon.

One bounce... wee!... two bounce.... Wee!... three bounce...WEE! And then do you know what happened, Uni? Of course you do. You're the ass who made it happen. My knee rotated and popped, bones ground together and I crumpled on the magical trampoline like a bug getting squashed by a shoe.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MY THRILL SEEKING, PERPETUALLY 14 BRAIN THAT I WAS OLD AND FAT, UNIVERSE?! I hate you. And every time I try to walk and feel the pain in my knee I hate you a little more. And then when I can't hold out any longer and I absolutely have to go up the dadgum stairs, I hate you infinitely more. And then, then when I try to wear my husband's knee brace but can't keep it on very long because it's too small, I hate you more than I can comprehend. But you know what's the absolute worst, Universe? The fact that I am so stinking motivated to not be fat anymore that I am rearing to go work out except I can't because I HAVE A BUM KNEE.

Guess what I do have, though, Universe? One good knee and leg. And I'm going to use it to kick your ass. But no fighting on a trampoline, ok?

Ruby

PS: I am not on Facebook. I just learned that my grandmother is. You suck.

PPS: Thanks for the trip to Texas, though. It was pretty awesome. You only suck a little.

PPPS: Oh, and the corn nuggets that I got from Chicken Express while in Texas? FREAKING AWESOME, Universe! You don't suck anymore.

PPPPS: Wait, those magically delicious corn nuggets are helping make me fat. I take it all back. You totally, unconditionally, suck.

Dear The Universe

2009-09-27T23:38:00.002-04:00

It's letter writing time again at the bar, and this time we're writing out our thoughts and feelings to The Universe.

This may or may not be unlike the time the we whipped out our Poison Pens and wrote scathing letters to whomever we damn well felt like. It just depends on how The Universe has been treating us lately and how many glasses of wine we have consumed at writing time. Which may or may not be unlike any other day of the week.

Except for that whole wine drinking thing. That IS like every other day of the week.

The Trikini

2009-09-22T16:30:00.000-04:00

It’s called the trikini, and judging simply from the racks at Target alone, it was very popular this year. I had been dying to discuss this bathing suit all summer, and finally an opportunity presents itself to ask: What do you think of it?

Deposit Two Cents Here

2009-09-20T23:30:00.000-04:00

It’s Poll Week here at the bar! We ask that you stop by and weigh in on extremely important issues. Such as:

Serena or Blair?*

Doesn’t matter if you watched the Emmys, or whether or not you still watch Gossip Girl. What is the verdict here on these dresses worn by Blake Lively and Leighton Meester? Want to know what I think? I’ll never tell… Ha ha. Now let’s get down to business.

*Yeah, it’s a poll ripped from about a million other websites, but why shouldn’t Smartini play, too?

Pen + TV: MFEO

2009-09-16T21:30:00.000-04:00

First thing’s first. In case you missed it, here is the link to EW Magazine’s magical Fall Premiere Cheat Sheet. Use it, love it, refer to it often.

As usual, I found this year’s Fall TV issue a lot overwhelming. I love to try out new shows, but at this juncture in my Managerial career, I’m extremely picky. I have to LOVE the show through and through to stay on board. I do, however, have a lot of love in my heart to go around.

Pen’s Old Flames

The Office: Enough said.
Survivor: Samoa. I’ll be there until the very last Tribal Council.
Grey’s: I’ve read every single spoiler I could get my hands on and feel ready to face the future.
ProRun: I’m loving it. Glad Lifetime barely changed a thing. Smart.
Top Chef: Makes me so happy!
ANTM: Ditto! Inexplicably happy.
How I Met Your Mother: If you’re not watching this show by now, please rent from the beginning immediately. I can’t say this enough.
30 Rock: Tina Fey is just brills.
Parks & Recreation: As is Amy Poehler.
Amazing Race: Phil’s arched eyebrow is also excellent.

New Flirtations

Community: It certainly seems like they can’t go wrong with this amazing cast.
SNL Weekend Update Thursday: It’s the best part of SNL, so why not twice a week?
Vampire Diaries: First ep still on my DVR, better get cracking soon!
Glee: After watching the first ep, I finally understand. Ryan Murphy show. Nip/Tuck, Popular sensibility + high school glee club + Jane Lynch? I’m in.
The Beautiful Life? I feel like I will give it a go, since it’s produced by Ashton and Tyra both. Even though I keep mixing it up with Beautiful People, which was on 5 years ago, and Gossip Girl, which I broke up with last year.
V. Does anyone else remember this crazy/creepy series from the 80s? It’s coming back!

I Would Never Date

Melrose Place. Ashlee Simpson and I broke up years ago.
Sons of Anarchy? I don’t get it.
Mercy. I mean… can we come up with a new drama that isn’t based in a hospital or a court room, please?

We Might Have to Break Up

Scrubs. Oh, I love you Scrubs, but you already ended last year. The new, reinvented classroom version with Turk and Dr. Cox? Eh.

I Still Pine For

Life. Can’t believe it ended when it did. So wrong.
Friday Night Lights, which I won’t see until it is on regular cable. Sigh.
Reaper. Such brilliance! Cancelled! Oi.

Should I Call? Or Are We So Over.

The Hills. Frankly, I cut both The Hills and The City last year, so I don’t know why I’d go back. Except that I miss it sometimes. But on the other hand, it’s Kristen’s show now, and she plans to stir up some shit just to stir it up. And there is a line of “contrived” that I’m unwilling to cross…

In spite of all the unanswered questions, still-broken hearts and other romantic entanglements, I thoroughly love Fall TV and couldn’t be happier about its return. Cheers! And bonus points if you can tell me what movie inspired the title of this post, and/or what it stands for.

Back on the Wagon

2009-09-15T20:11:00.001-04:00

The truth is that until this Weekly Special, I had completely forgotten about Fall TV. It has been so long since I watched primetime tv (you know, May), that I Googled "tv listings" in order to find out what I might watch tonight. Totally forgot what shows come on which nights. It's not that I don't watch tv, but this summer I've somehow passed the time without missing its presence.

To be honest, since I don't have DVR, tv feels constraining sometimes, trying to get stuff done by X time and rushing around. It gets stressful! (Just imagine if I had cable) So summertime is always a nice break for me. Of course, now that summer is over, and I will undoubtedly fall into dark depression due to colder temperatures and less tennis/Rafa watching, it's good to know tv will be there to make life worth living.

The other girls have mentioned some of my staples:
Grey's Anatomy

Friday Night Lights

Gossip Girl

College football - preferably UF

Some I don't think have been said:
Lost (think it prob starts in Jan? no idea)

Mad Men (already started on AMC but saving up iTunes eps so I can watch back-to-back)

Private Practice - WTF happened??? Can't wait to find out!

I generally don't watch new shows unless multiple people recommend them and/or they generate critical buzz, so everyone keep me posted if I'm totally missing out!

Step 1

2009-09-15T02:15:00.001-04:00

I admit, I’m a little addicted to TV. I love good shows; the ones that make me emote!

Returning shows I watch:

House – such an awesome show. After the crazy finale, it’s really going to be different this season!

America’s Next Top Model – it just makes me happy.

Project Runway – I resisted for a long time. I am in no way fashionable, but I was sucked right into this show and love it! I clearly have a thing for these reality talent competition shows!!

Smallville – I have watched since the very beginning (hard to believe it’s been 8 seasons!) and there is just something about the show that I still really like and look forward to seeing. Oh yeah, it’s probably Tom Welling. No, but really, I just enjoy the show.

Fringe – It’s definitely out there, and close to my scary threshold, but I really like it. Gotta love Joshua Jackson!

The Office – I like it, but not as much as some people I know. ;)

Gossip Girl – still love getting my Veronica Mars fix and who doesn’t like to watch beautiful people act spoiled and rich, right?

Grey’s Anatomy – really gets my blood going sometimes or makes me cry, but keeps me coming back. Again, I’m not as into it as some people I know, but it’s good.

90210 – not really attached to it, but still watch it.

Desperate Housewives – again, it’s just been one I’ve kept up with, but I don’t really anticipate it much.

Brothers & Sisters – I like this show because it has characters that remind me of my own family and a good cast and it’s just good.

So You Think You Can Dance – excited to see more talent, but worry what will I watch next summer?

Castle – I caught a few episodes near the end of last season and I was hooked. I wish I could see the pilot to get the full scoop, but it was definitely entertaining and ranks high on my list of must see tv. In fact, I couldn’t decide on just one clip to include!

Design Star – I missed a lot of episodes this season, which I’m bummed about, but interested to see what comes from the winner (don’t want to give anything away, just in case).

Color Splash – still love David Bromstead the original Design Star.

The Amazing Race

Top Design – not sure if it will even come on again, but I enjoyed it when it did – again with the talent competitions.

New Stuff I’m giving a go:

Glee – Watched 2 episodes so far. I’m not sure I get all of the hype yet. It felt a little slow for me and I love good voices and singing, so the voiceover and lip synching stuff really annoys me. The soundtrack is good and there are moments. . .

Vampire Diaries – I was really worried after seeing some previews that this would be beyond my threshold for scary, but I was still able to get to sleep afterwards! And that’s saying something, I don’t fall asleep easily normally. I just finished reading the Twilight series and have really been wanting to see the movies, so it definitely sated some of that desire, but it’s also definitely different and looks interesting. The Alyssa Milano look alike is intriguing and I’m already having a hard time believing they are supposed to be in high school and we’re just in the first season! And um, the bad brother is HOT. Or at least the first shot of him was extremely hot and after that he looked a little old and very creepy (in a devilish way, not sleazy), but he’s got a definite European band flair working for him.

I’ve set to record Community, so we shall see.

I’m kind of intrigued by Ashton Kutcher’s The Beautiful Life, I may record and give it a shot.

Gone stuff I’m still lamenting:

I am really sad I don’t have ER to watch anymore – I feel empty inside - and still can’t believe Life was cancelled. And not picked up. That is just wrong. It’s even worse than cancelling My So Called Life when it was such a great show, because this one really was great.

So, does anyone know, are Dirt and Privileged gone?

must see tv!

2009-09-15T01:00:00.002-04:00

Yay! It's my favorite time of year. Football season is here, it's getting cooler, and ... wait for it ... it's time for Fall premieres!

Here's my Tivo To Do List:

Grey's. Ah, Grey's. I've missed you. McDreamy, McSteamy, weddings on post-it notes, and Cristina and Hunt...I seriously can't wait.

Gossip Girl. Oh, I just love it. The excess, the clothes. And Chace Crawford. Enough said.

I'm a little doubtful about this one...but I could use a good 30 minute sitcom (where have they all gone, btw?)

And finally, Friday Night Lights. Wonder who's coming back?

Clearly I'm a TV hermit, if there is such a thing

2009-09-14T21:45:00.003-04:00

I'm a terrible person to look to must see TV talk. As I have mentioned before, I am much more of a Discovery channel dork. Dirty Jobs and Mythbusters seem to call my name more than anything else, and for that I feel ashamed.

I do have one saving grace, though! Thanks to all of the talk around the bar about Project Runway, I did check it out at the start of the new season and I love it! (And I love Tim Gunn!) You can find me parked on the couch on Thursday nights tuning in to Lifetime (how strange is it that I'm watching Lifetime and the show isn't called Not My Baby, Unwed and Pregnant at 16, You Think I'm Not Mad But I'm Just Waiting Until You Fall Asleep or some other foolishness?!), most likely with a computer in my lap and a beer on the coffee table. Or wine. I'm an equal opportunity wine drinker as well!

Since I have a pretty sorry list for what I'm looking forward to, and since my one respectable show came from suggestions from the bar, I'm looking forward to all of the other girls' choices! I don't have a DVR or TiVo (can you imagine the horror?) so take it easy on me, ladies!

On the Tube

2009-09-13T23:09:00.005-04:00

Nothing helps drown your sorrows over the end of summer more than a stiff drink, except maybe the return of Fall TV. So, let's dish: what's on the dish that you are watching. Tell us what you can't wait to get back into, can't wait to try out (despite the hype or because of it?), even a few guilty pleasures on the rim. Are you having conflicts with your DVR roll already or having trouble filling in the gaps? Bonus points: what are you drinking while you watch each type of show?

Under a rock; on the rocks

2009-09-13T23:03:00.003-04:00

So, my Hubby mentions Megan Fox in a conversation this weekend and when I give the blank stare he informs me she is "the current IT girl"
Am I really that out of the loop to have not heard of her? Of course I see mention of her on msn today about competing with Angelina Jolie for some role. . .kind of gives credit to his claim.

WTFriday

2009-09-11T10:28:00.003-04:00

This picture makes my head hurt.

Seriously, is Lady GaGa allergic to pants? And what are those sunglasses? And what about the poor bodyguard who has to carry her purse (which, btw, is the only decent aspect of her ensemble)?

I could keep going - the hat, the shoes, the fishnets, the lack of a shirt, but I'm just gonna stop now.

Biker bar

2009-09-11T09:43:00.003-04:00

Just in case you were as clueless as I about the upcoming trends for Fall, check them out here. Biker chic, boxy, thigh-highs, neon, monotone head-to-toe and mixed prints, what fun!? As the article suggests we all should be able to use things we already own, I'm sure Pen has several of these items to throw into her bags as she packs for her NY trip!

Summertime. . .and the livin’ is easy

2009-09-10T00:58:00.001-04:00

My summer consisted a lot of:

sand and water

just your basic dog days of summer. . .

and stopping to pick the flowers. . .

*family vacay to the beach (Panama City Beach in Florida)

*11th Annual 4th of July Bash at the Lake – great gathering of friends, old and new

(fabulous pics taken by Ashley)

*lots of popsicles and playdates, haircuts, family, friends, celebrations

*watching the progress on our deck rebuild and patio and driveway additions

*bought 6 new snails and one crab for the fish tank. Only 2 of which are left.

*Had a gruesome injury and long recovery process for one of our dogs.

*Bought a City Pass for our own city that allowed us to go to 6 different places within 9 days for a slightly discounted price. Including: World of Coca-Cola, Georgia Aquarium,

Zoo Atlanta

Fernbank Museum of Natural History

and the High Museum of Art

*Amended my summer reading list a bit after the embarrassing no show at the bar during What are you reading? week with Jodi Picoult’s Nineteen Minutes and blazing through the Twilight series.

That about wraps it up.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation, by pen

2009-09-09T20:00:00.000-04:00

Cried. Because summer TV was over. They canceled Life. And Reaper. And I’m still bitter that USA or similar did not pick up either of these brilliant shows.
Became fully addicted to the library. Books, movies, online reservations. Began to shun Amazon and Netflix.
Went to The Lake for the 4th, attending fellow barmaid Andi’s annual gala, which we now plan to attend every year until we are 92. Because it’s that awesome.
Got back on Twitter. Signed up for a text plan. Addicted. Text me immediately.
Rediscovered vodka, particularly in the form of tonics and also, mixed with Sierra Mist Red Ruby (hey, Ruby! I just noticed that now, ha ha!) Splash, which is fanTAStic. I want one right now.
Planned a trip to NYC, which I’m taking in two days! To see my new nephew, among other things. He is one month old and beyond all cuteness
Hid. I confess, my list is short and a little lame and mainly boils down to indoor addictions. Summer is not the Season of Pen. It’s hot out there, and I sort of loathe it. I burn easily, among other problems, and the mosquitoes flock to me. Because clearly I am super-sweet.

Don’t judge me. I hope you all did something more fun. Now: cheers to the start of Fall!

I Know What You Did Last Summer

2009-09-09T18:04:00.002-04:00

Okay...so I confess: I have no idea what you did over the summer. But I'd like to know, which is why this week, I'm asking the barmaids: What did you do over the summer?

Post pictures, type out memories - I want to know it all!

Hometown Hotness

2009-09-04T07:00:00.006-04:00

Other than your significant other, who is the cutest/hottest/best looking guy you've seen in real life recently? Checkout boy at your grocery store? UPS guy? Your boss? Have you two ever had an innocent flirtatious moment where you knew he thought you were hot, too?

I know most of ya'll are married, so feel free to comment anonymously.

As for me, there is this super cute neighbor who lives a few blocks away. Tall-ish, dark hair, nicely tanned. He's married, has beautiful children and gorgeous wife. The other night I was walking my dog and saw him through the window ironing. IRONING. Hotness increased exponentially because he is clearly the perfect husband. See, I can be domestic.

We've only ever exchanged waves as I walk by with my dog looking like ass early in the morning, so no. No flirtatious moments.

Gaydar

2009-09-03T07:00:00.001-04:00

I heard a semi-interesting piece on NPR a few weeks ago about this article on what I will refer to as the "commodification of the gay male." The author's thesis, if I remember it correctly, was that yes, it's great that gays are getting more exposure and acceptance in mainstream media. However, he didn't like how they were portrayed as sort of the next "accessory" for straight women to have, and how they seemed to be defined solely as they related to straight women - think Sanford from SATC.

Well, he probably had a point, but whatever. That's not what I'm here for. (And frankly I'm too tired to get into it right now.) Who's your favorite "Hollywood" gay? Who would you love to have as your gay best friend?

I choose Anderson Cooper. I don't know why, but I f-ing love him. He's super duper smart-sexy. You could learn so much from him and have awesome conversations about politics, the world, etc. But you *know* he loves some vodka-cranberries and after 2 or 3 or 4 he gets a little girlie and starts talking about asses, abs, blow jobs, and Madonna.

Plus, he's a Channel One alumnus. Awesome.

Hot or Not?

2009-09-02T09:04:00.001-04:00

This question has been seriously bothering me for quite some time now. No. I'm not kidding.

Is Leonardo DiCaprio still hot?

Back in the days of Romeo & Juliet and Titantic, he was the IT boy of Hollywood. Then it made me love him even more when he shunned all of that and sort of went into hiding, sunk his teeth into deeper, more serious roles. Remember how he even skipped the Academy Awards the year of Titanic? So cool.

But these days, well, I'm not sure he's aged as well as some others. When I saw these pictures on dlisted, it really began to seem like eh, maybe he's just not hot anymore. Shame.

Just when I thought I had it figured out, that maybe he wasn't photogenically hot but still charismatically hot, these pics come out. Leo is sporting a UF hat. That's enough for me (and I wonder, did he read my mind? Did he know I was contemplating this issue??). My verdict: Leo still a hottie.

(Ok, if I'm being honest, he's not really hot in these pictures, like AT ALL. Something about his personality that I like, though. He's all eco-Leo, he's older than me but still has a good time, he's not afraid to party with the regular peeps.)

While we're at it, what about Brad Pitt? Same question. I have no answer, especially after watching that monstrosity that was Benjamin Button.

The Alpha & The Omega

2009-09-01T07:00:00.002-04:00

The Alpha male. The pack leader. Ladies man. Machoest of macho guys. Must be in control of everyone and every situation.

I'm gonna get down to it: Are alpha men better in bed than non-alphas*?

Discuss.

I say no. Non-alphas, in my experience in general, tend to be more attentive and "longer lasting." Alphas, I guess, just haven't felt the need to hone those particular skills, in general, because women are constantly falling at their feet. There are exceptions on both sides of this rule, but in general it holds pretty true. (I have this unsettling feeling this post is going to get me in a lot of trouble one day.)

*I use the term non-alphas deliberately because not all non-alphas are nerds, but nerds/alphas is the popular dichotomy. Non-alphas can be athletic, guys-guys but still not the alpha, as in the charismatic leader. Lots of guys proclaim to be alphas because they don't want to be "nerds," but in reality alphas are few and far between - think of the wolf pack - all of them are badass, but only "one" true alpha.

Picking Teams

2009-08-31T07:00:00.021-04:00

So I've been re-watching Sex and the City and midway through Season 4, I'm still Team Aidan. In fact, I am so staunchly Team Aidan, that I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone is Team Big. Well, let me clarify. I'm Team Anti-Big, and Aidan is so damn hot in Season 4, and he's waaaaaay more my type than Big, ergo I heart him above all others. I digress. This got me thinking. Most girls are Team Big. What the hell am I missing? What is wrong with me?

So today's post is about choosing sides, or rather, choosing boys. We've all been there - two guys fighting for our undying love and devotion. Countless nights making pro/con lists and comparing them. Who gets the rose? It's important to make the right choice. Rather than air our dirty laundry (although by all means go ahead if you want!), I've selected a few well-known boy battles in pop culture. Tell me your pick and why. **NOTE: I'll be as vague as possible, but beware spoilers if you're being super protective of that kind of thing.**

1. Big v. Aidan, Sex and the City - Where to begin? Obvs, I'm Team Aidan as mentioned two paragraphs ago. Big is an ass to Carrie, and don't give me the "Paris forgives everything" crap. Personally, I don't think Big is hot; Aidan is sexy as hell, especially the Season 4 version. He treats Carrie well and is nice to her friends. HELLO - going to check on Miranda when she called about her back and being ever-so-gentlemanly that he covers her up when she's lying naked on the floor. Would Big do this? Doubt it. I get that maybe his and Carrie's personalities don't mesh, as is evidenced by the country house, so I'm willing to admit that maybe Aidan isn't necessarily the perfect match for Carrie. Nevertheless, he's better than Big for her, and he and I would be two peas in a pod. Aidan, call me.

2. Edward v. Jacob, the Twilight saga - Apparently there are other Team Jacob-ers that exist, but I've yet to meet one in person. We are a rare breed. It is difficult to argue, based on the text, that Bella & Jacob "belong" together more than Bella & Edward. However. B/E get on my damn nerves. They don't do anything together except act in love, stare all googley-eyed at one another, and profess undying devotion. BLAH. B/J have fun. They do crazy stuff and laugh and talk about things. Oh, and Jacob didn't leave Bella alone in the woods suicidally depressed. Hmmm. Which relationship would I rather be in? No contest - let's go ride motorcycles! Also, to be with Jacob forever and ever I wouldn't have to become a vampire. Bonus.

3. Noel v. Ben, Felicity - Ben. Ben. Ben. A million times. Ben. Noel is too needy and doesn't have enough edge. Also, Ben is H-O-T.

4. Brandon v. Dylan, Beverly Hills 90210 - Ok, I kind of quit watching by the time this became a real issue for Kelly Taylor, but even at the beginning of the show there was a definite divide between girls that preferred Dylan to girls that preferred Brandon. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I'd pick the bad boy, Dylan. So brooding. So James Dean. So surfer-y. Again, Brandon was a little too goody-goody for me, although way cooler than the real bad boy, Steve.

5. McSteamy v. McDreamy, Grey's Anatomy - Yes, I know no one has to choose between them, but come on. Who'd you rather? Whose t-shirt would you wear? I think I'm going against type here and picking McDreamy. Yeah, McSteamy is the bad boy and in real life I'd probably go for him, mainly because the real-life McDreamy would be all obsessed about some other chick, but McDreamy is a rebel in his own way. And the hair. Oohh, the hair.

6. Ashley v. Rhett, Gone with the Wind - This one is for Ruby because I'm pretty sure she hasn't seen the other 5. Wait. Did she read Twilight?? Anyway. Team Rhett. Duh. Does Team Ashley even exist?

Ok, ladies. Who'd you pick, and who'd I miss?

They have golf and strip clubs. We have Smartini.

2009-08-30T23:16:00.000-04:00

This week's bar theme will be every (straight) girl's favorite subject: BOYS. Each day will be a new boy-related topic - real, fictional, or celebrity - thrown out by this barmaid who has burning issues that must be discussed!

A teaser: Monday we're kicking off with a controversial debate you won't want to miss. Obama v. McCain has got nothin' on this contest. Be there.

Weekend Shift

2009-08-29T16:08:00.001-04:00

I wasn’t able to come in this week, so I picked up an extra weekend shift. Sorry to keep you waiting!

I don’t know what happened to seeqpod.com where I used to be able to go and listen to songs and then include them in posts. And I can’t get Imeem to play any songs, even though I went through the entire sign up process (did NOT want to do that, but wanted to have some music, damnit!)

I don’t have anything fancy on my phone (heck, I don’t even have a text plan, people, ok?!) but if I were to pick songs for the different people in my life, I might have the following (not sure if this link to a playlist will work or not, but I tried):

Hubby:

A Little Less Conversation by Elvis Presley

Sister:

You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon because we would dance around with our dad to this song growing up.

Mom:

Georgia Bulldog Fight Song

Ruby:

Whip it! Whip it good. . . because she definitely cracks that whip and keeps us in line, no?

My former boss had a ring tone that would make my co-worker and my skin crawl because we hated hearing it so much. It rang all the time in the office and inevitably always when he’d stepped into his “other office” as we referred to the bathroom, so we’d have to hear the entire ring until VM picked up. If we were at lunch and heard another phone with the same ring, we both experienced a slight twitch.

For Ruby

2009-08-29T12:22:00.002-04:00

Please accept this video as my apology for not showing up for my work shift this week.

Pass the remote—I mean, my phone?

2009-08-27T21:30:00.000-04:00

I love ringtones in theory, but in actuality, I don’t have anything special on my phone. Maybe they are kind of like a tattoo, and I just can’t commit… granted, ringtones cost much less and aren’t nearly as permanent. But, I feel like when I do window-shop for ringtones, they are always inspired by TV. On one phone, I used to have (shockingly!) the theme from The Office. I tried sending it to my new phone to use again, because I loved it so as a ringtone, but the phone won’t let me apply it. Bastard. So instead I have something plain and boring and half the time when it goes off, I’m all, “What is that…? Oh yeah, it’s my phone.” And then it’s a mad dash to locate it, as usual, before VM kicks in.

My husband once had the SNL theme, and currently uses the theme from 30 Rock. Rad.

When choosing TV ringtones, you’ve got to go with something that you really don’t mind hearing over and over again. For instance, I enjoy the Psych theme song, but do I want to hear it every time the phone rings? I do not. I’m thinking lyrics are probably not preferable, overall.

Several phones ago, I had the Grey’s Anatomy theme song, which I don’t even think they play anymore on the show, but at the time, it made a great ringtone. But on the next phone, when I installed it again, it wouldn’t play loudly enough, even with the volume jacked up to 7. I’m still confused about that.

Speaking of confusion, sometimes when you pick a TV theme for a ringtone, and then that actual show comes on TV, you’re not sure what it is you’re hearing, and often find yourself running to the phone. And then the TV. And then the phone again. It helps to cut back on the drinking if you find yourself really confused in this situation.

Please leave more TV-themes-as-ringtone suggestions in comments, as I’m looking for ideas. Also helpful would be some technical assistance on how to install said ringtone on a phone, ideally without having to pay for it. Because I like withholding as much money as is humanly possible from the evil corporations who lord over the telecommunications industry, even if it is only $2.50. (And, as you can see, I’m not even technically proficient enough to embed most of the sound files, like I had envisioned, here in this post.) Thanks in advance. xoxo.

Naughty Barmaids

2009-08-27T18:16:00.003-04:00

The ring tones of all of the other Smartini Girls EXCEPT ME:

WERE YOU AT - DJ D MAN

The Missing - Filter

And finally...

Go To Work Wasted - Nofx

COME TO WORK, LADIES, even if you're wasted!

Who's Calling?

2009-08-25T00:44:00.000-04:00

If your friendly Smartini barmaids were calling you right now, what would it sound like? Would you have a special ring tone for each one of us? Or maybe one for us as a whole, like:

I Love This Bar - Toby Keith

I'm digging the idea of 'I Love This Bar!' Unfortunately, we don't always get to choose what our call sounds like to others, though, do we? No we do not. Because if we did I certainly wouldn't choose for my call to be identified by this song:

If I Had $1000000 - Barenaked Ladies

Although, now that I think about it, I do like the song and am very, very poor, so it's actually kind of perfect. But still! Why couldn't my ring tone to others be something awesome like:

Girls - The Beastie Boys

Technically I don't have a customized ring tone for my phone or the people that call me. Once I tried out Dixieland Delight and Margaritaville (random, much?) but found that I couldn't get the perfect balance between being able to hear it and annoying the crap out of everyone within a 1 mile radius. I also tried to make my husband's ring tone an audio clip from Blazing Saddles "Excuse me while I whip this out," because that movie is hi-larious and makes us both laugh. But again, I couldn't ever hear it and was afraid that *some* people wouldn't think it was near as funny as I did.

If I was one to have a custom ring tone for the people in my phone book, they would fall out something like this:

Husband

Western Skies - Chris LeDoux

Mom

Boat Drinks - Jimmy Buffett

Tempe

Centerfold - J. Geils Band Um, you'll have to ask her because I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING about why this song makes me think of her.

Niki

Im On A Boat - The Lonely Island Timely and relevant.

Andria

Good Hearted Woman - Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson The first song that Andria and her Hubby heard as man and wife, which I think is freaking awesome.

Penelope

Better Together - Jack Johnson Hopefully Pen won't call me very often since I be lulled to sleep by this ring tone rather than answer the phone. Actually, I have no idea if she even likes this song (?) - I was purely operating off of the phrase 'coma music' and this is what I came up with.

AND FINALLY...

Edward Cullen

Love Bites - Def Leppard Predictable, yet oh-so-good. Especially because the first words are 'when we make love...' Yes, please.

Go Make These. Now.

2009-08-24T21:57:00.001-04:00

I just made these awesome German Chocolate Cookies that are so delish, I'd say they are f-ing awesome German Chocolate Cookies.

You need to pop over to the store, pick up the ingredients, and make them ASAP.

1/4 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/8 tsp. salt
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup rolled oats
1/4 cup flax seed meal
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
3 oz. dark or sweet baking chocolate, chopped
1/3 cup flaked coconut
1/3 cup chopped pecans, toasted
Chopped pecans, optional
Flaked coconut, optional

I promise, you will not be disappointed. A couple of things:

* Do not be turned off by the somewhat "nontraditional" ingredients, i.e. flax seed meal and coconut shreds. 1. I found flax seed meal in the organic section of my supermarket out in BFE, so I'm sure yours has it, too. 2. You cannot taste either of these. Seriously. Don't know what flax seed meal tastes like, but you only taste goodness in these cookies. The shredded coconut becomes part of the texture of the cookie and just adds mild flavor. I promise. Would I lie to you? No. No I would not lie to you.

* These are super duper chocolatey and rich. If you're not into that, maybe omit the dark/semi-sweet chocolate. I accidentally left them out, so my first batch didn't have them. Guess what - still f-ing awesome. Added Ghiradelli 60% cocoa chocolate chips (instead of chopping up baker's chocolate) to the rest and oh my goodness! CHOCOLATE-Y. My threshold for rich desserts is pretty high, so you know if I'm telling you it's rich. . .it's rich. And delicious!

Now, if you'll excuse me, there are a few glasses of wine with my name on them. I'm going to need lots of downers to balance the caffeine uppers in these chocolatey confections if I'm ever gonna get to sleep tonight.

WTFug Friday

2009-08-21T08:34:00.001-04:00

It's worth being late for work to post this. Not the biggest fan of Lady GaGa. Although I admit to sometimes singing "Poker Face" or "Just Dance," mostly I loathe her. I get her schtick is her schtick, but meh, Madonna did it better. I also get that she has to dress the part when she goes in public and knows she's going to be photographed. But Really? At the AIRPORT? Really?

That studded jacket is going to hurt when she tries to recline in her seat. Just sayin'.

More loveliness at Dlisted (where you can truly see how pointy those studs really are. hee. did i just accidentally make a dirty joke?)

Who loves to eat? I do!

2009-08-21T00:53:00.000-04:00

I'd like to preface this post by saying I had approximately 5 99cent margaritas, 3 jello shots, and 2 beers tonight. No worries. Did not drive. Let's get down to it.

The Grit - Veg heaven, but for reals, even carnivores can get their eat on at this Athens staple. It's my second favorite place to eat in the entire world; first being Moroccan Soup Bar in Melbourne, Australia which doesn't really qualify for this post. Best thing about The Grit - CAKE. No joke. They have the best cake I've *ever* had, and trust me, I'm a cake connaisseur. (ps i think i spelled connaisseur right on the first try, even tipsy!)

Clocked - Cheese tots. All you need to know.

Bluegrass Grill and Bakery - aaahhh. My favorite place in Charlottesville. They specialize in breakfast/brunch and do not disappoint. It's a place vegs like me and traditionalists like my dad can meet in the middle for awesome food. So fantastic even the New York Times mentions it.

Himalyan Fusion - Gotta represent the "Indian" food part of me. Indian food is my favoritest of favorite foods. Himalayan Fusion is a combo of Indian, Nepalese, and Thai. Mouth is watering just thinking about this Charlottesville place. Not as good as Bombay Cafe, the best Indian food ever tasted which no longer exists, but the closest I've come in the Western hemisphere.

Tastes like chicken

2009-08-20T00:46:00.001-04:00

Let me preface my choices by saying that I am a very plain eater. I like chicken fingers, chicken parmigiana (the chicken finger of Italian), fried shrimp (the chicken finger of seafood), chicken quesadillas. . ok, you see where I’m going? basic stuff. until you get to desserts! Then, we’re talking! Except, really, I still just prefer a gooey chocolate chip cookie or vanilla ice cream. basic. I’m perfectly content going to Chili’s if I get to go out for a meal! If it tastes like chicken, I’m happy!

But, there are a few places out there that I long to dip back into if I’m ever in town:

The Blind Pig Tavern in Athens, GA. I was there in the beginning, so this little hole in the wall has a special place in my . . belly. I knew someone on the kitchen staff when it first opened up and the homemade honey mustard and chicken fingers were awesome! Really a lot of the food was really great. They’ve changed over the years, but they are still good. I enjoy the Chicken Cordon Bleu sandwich, too. Hubby gets the Teriyaki wings. We are creatures of habit, ok? But, also, they had large plastic mugs you could purchase and then the refills were cheaper, so we lugged those mugs around with us all through college and filled them with margaritas on the rocks when coming for Wednesday night trivia or over the weekend. It was nice during the summer when we were part of the “local” crowd rather than the student crowd. They expanded and added pool tables and air hockey (does it get any better than air hockey?) and other video games.

Beef O’Brady’s is a chain, but I hadn’t heard of it much before they converted a Hardee’s on the corner in front of our apartment into one 7 years ago. Sadly, it’s closed now, as is the other one that opened up not too far from our house, but I always perk up if I see one (like when we were at the beach in Florida). No one else ever seemed to be as impressed with it as me, but I really enjoyed the O’Brady burger with provolone cheese on it and they had great onion rings. Somewhat expensive, but still good.

Ok Cafe in Atlanta, GA has an old diner feel and good homecooking. You can get a vegetable plate and be perfectly content. Maybe with a milkshake.

We’ve found our basic Mexican restaurants in places we live, too, that have Quesadilla Rellenas and pitchers of margaritas on the rocks on the menu. In Rome, GA it was El Zarape. In Woodstock, it’s Cazadores (deer hunter, really? but, I’m not judging the name, just the food). We were once weekly if not bi-weekly patrons and were well known by the staff and owners. (creatures.of.habit)

Finally, I don’t remember the name, but the little place we had lunch before the wine festival outside Boone, NC on our retreat had incredible chocolate chip cookies.

Pen’s Dives

2009-08-19T23:30:00.000-04:00

What and where do I like to eat?

1. The pizza places of the Greater Binghamton Area, NY. It’s difficult for me to explain about these pizzas, which may be the number one thing I miss about the place where my sweet little Yankee self grew up. Sheet pizzas. I’m not talking about those Lil’ Caesar knockoffs, don’t even suggest it. I’m talking about these ginormous, takes two hands to carry the box, and you better make sure one is in the middle because it will FOLD, sheet pizzas. Fresh baked crusts, thick but not quite Sicilian, homemade sauces, lots of cheese. YUM. My very favorite was Vestal Bakery, which most of my family did not enjoy because it was sloppy, but that was sort of the reason I loved it. Lots of sauce. A close second would be Nirchi’s. We demolished one every Friday. *sigh. I can practically taste the memory.

And…

2. Chris’ Cosmic Kitchen. I feel like I would nominate this new discovery for the real D,D, and D, if you could do such a thing. They serve breakfast all day, and the specials are hot. The fruit is so super-fresh, and don’t even get me started on the shrimp bisque, which is beyond words. K.Lo likes to point out the stars and the moon. And here are the menus, which I will let speak for themselves. Prime Rib Philly Sandwich, anyone? Incredible, affordable tastiness. And there’s a disco ball in the bathroom.

tempe's favorite dives

2009-08-18T09:20:00.009-04:00

Y'all must know that the best way to get me talking is to talk about food! I have three favorite "dives" in three different cities - so dig in!

1. The Varsity, Athens, Georgia.

Get ready to stand in line and when the lady behind the counter yells "What'll ya have?" you'd better be ready! Order up a chili slaw dog or a glorified cheeseburger (that's with ketchup, mustard, mayo, lettuce, tomato, and pickles). Enjoy a fountain Coke with that yummy pebble-y ice, but save room for a fried apple pie or frosted orange. And, if you eat in rather that take out, you've got a half-dozen dining rooms from which to choose, each boasting their own TV, showing anything from CNN to the Cartoon Network. (P.S. If you're in Atlanta, the original Varsity is housed there, and still boasts a drive in dining experience.)

2. Taylor's Automatic Refresher, St. Helena, California

Taylor's is a different kind of dive restaurant. Only in California - and more specifically, only in the haute cuisine area of Napa Valley - can you find a dive that boasts a decent-sized wine list and a seared-rare Ahi Burger on its menu. Nevertheless, Taylor's serves up great burgers and diner fare in an old fashioned diner atmosphere, which is a nice break when you've been in Napa for a week and are tired of foie gras and veal sweetbreads. Sometimes, only a burger will do. Tip: Order the garlic fries. You will not regret it.

3. Ray's Hell Burger, Arlington, Virginia

Ray Landrum, the owner of Ray's The Steaks, the wildly popular (and affordable) steakhouse in Arlington, opened Ray's Hell Burger (get the play on words with both restaurants?) last year to serve up perfectly cooked burgers in a super-casual atmosphere. The restaurant became so wildly popular (President Obama and Vice President Biden visited earlier in the year) that the restaurant moved into a larger space. For 11 bucks, you get a GIGANTIC burger with all the fixins, cooked to your preference (unless you like them well done, in which case, they'll chase you out of the joint), corn on the cob, a watermelon slice, and a draft Dominion Ale Root Beer. It's noisy, it's crowded, but the burger is the. best. burger I've ever had. Hands down. And, it's a nice break from the $25 burgers the restaurants in DC are shelling out these days. One caveat: If you're dropping by during the lunch hour on ANY day of the week, get ready to wait. But don't worry; it's worth it.

D, D, and D Week

2009-08-16T23:30:00.000-04:00

This guy to the left either has the coolest job or the dumbest job in the entire nation, I can’t decide. All I know is, watching him visit various American diners, drive-ins and dives to talk with the owners and sample their tasty fare makes me want to run out immediately and order something terrible. Terribly delicious. So this week, we’re going to talk about our own favorite diners, drive-ins and dives, and what makes them the best home-style places to EAT.

Single Girl's Cleaning Routine

2009-08-13T23:12:00.000-04:00

I live with my dog in a house that is waaay too big for just us. I also do not have the genetic coding for cleaning/tidying up. These are my rules:

Niki's Guide to Cleaning House

1. Does it look dirty?
NO -- It's clean. Do something else
YES -- Proceed to Q2

2. Is mess potentially detrimental to health, i.e. attracting pests?
NO -- Proceed to Q3
YES -- Damn it! Better clean.

3. Is it so dirty it gives you the creeps and/or causes you mild anxiety to be in the same room?
NO -- Still clean. Do something else.
YES -- Proceed to Q4

4. Do you have other work to do, i.e. prepare for court?
NO -- Proceed to Q5A
YES -- Proceed to Q5B

5A. Is there fun event/outing/travel planned?
NO -- Proceed to Q6
YES -- Pretend it's clean. Do fun planned thing.

5B. Do you dread doing work-related task so much that cleaning is preferred method of procrastination? (*When this happens, I know I'm in trouble.)
NO -- Pretend it's clean. Do work-related task
YES -- Do cleaning task.

6. Are there any alternatives to cleaning, i.e. buying new underwear, pushing food aside in refrigerator, piling bills on top of each other on counter?
NO -- Proceed to Q7
YES -- Still clean. Do alternative instead of chore.

7. Is Rafa playing tennis?
NO -- Proceed to Q8
YES -- Nothing else matters. Must. Watch. Boyfriend.

8. Are you in the mood to clean?
NO -- Proceed to Q9
YES -- Get as much cleaning done as possible before mood changes, woman!

9. Is anyone coming over anytime soon?
NO -- Meh. Do whatever. Repeat Q1-9 until you *must* clean.
YES -- Crank up the iPod, pour yourself some wine, and dig in. No one outside the internets must know how you really live!

Down and Dirty

2009-08-12T01:42:00.001-04:00

We seem to have some dirty girls and I’m definitely no exception!! (And it makes me so happy to hear I’m not alone or far off on my cleaning regimen – or lack thereof)

Back when I had a job, we hired someone to come clean once a month and I LOVED it. Even if I did have to “clean up” before she came, it was a good prompt – kind of like having guests over. My husband is definitely neater than I am. I have issues with piles. And things don’t bother me as much or I fall more into the category of “why bother, it’s just going to get messed up again” (in like 5 seconds when Wild Man comes tearing through the room). I think people fall into that category with making up the bed: either you really like to have the bed made or you think “what’s the point, I’m just going to be getting back into it tonight.” Except, I fall in the middle where I like for it to at least be straightened back up so that when I do get into it the sheets and blankets are not waded up somewhere I can’t pull them up (we have 2 large dogs that commonly sleep in the bed, so it’s difficult to wrestle enough covers out from under them if you didn’t have them in place beforehand) When we first got married and had all of those nifty decorative pillows and fancy bedding, I would make it up religiously and it made me feel better to have my bed made. The rest of the house could be a disaster, but there was some order if the bed was made. As the years have passed and the bedding worn, I don’t put in the effort as much to make it all perfect every morning. Usually, I’m getting out of it to go get a child that’s crying anyway and don’t get to go the bathroom, put in my contacts or brush my teeth first either. And we climb back in it for naps, too.

When we had someone come once a month I felt like if I could just do the bigger things once between her visits, I was doing something! So, I’m kind of on an every two weeks schedule: change the sheets (see above about dogs and I just like to have clean, fresh smelling sheets! The issue is also changing out the big comforters and getting those washed at the dry cleaners! I try to keep blankets on top that I can wash at home, but they still get shifted and expose the sheets and covers at times) change out towels, mop (Swiffer), clean toilets (I use the tablets and those help and with potty training I tend to wipe them down with Clorox wipes fairly regularly; every couple of days, but actually getting the brush out and scrubbing happens less often)

I actually wash the windows fairly often. Again, with two large slobbery dogs and two young kids our windows tend to film up rather quickly! Plus, we have the extra tall windows that come nearly to the floor, so there’s more to mess up and notice. I only do the ones on the main floor. I can’t think of the last time I cleaned any in the bedrooms and I’m not sure I’ve ever cleaned the laundry room window since we moved in 6 years ago!

I used to clean the counters a lot more often, but even that has slipped. We have a cover in our microwave to help prevent the splattering, so it’s probably once a month, maybe? Same for the kitchen sink, unless there was something extra gross in it that just needs to be cleaned. And the stove top. I’ll wipe it down, but it’s much less often that I take things apart and really scrub (or put parts in the dishwasher to be washed). Speaking of, loading and unloading the dishwasher is an everyday occurrence as is laundry and vacuuming, but not every room. It just stays out to suck up all of the food in the kitchen and the living room where it’s tracked before I managed to get it cleaned up. I love clean clothes, but have issues putting them up. Especially socks. I hate matching socks. And I wear fun socks, so they are easy, but the monotonous white, gray or black socks of Hubby or the tiny socks of the kids just seem endless. I throw socks into a laundry basket and they get done when it’s almost overflowing and the drawers are running out (once a month?)

Bathroom mirrors and sinks get cleaned maybe once a week? I don’t like toothpaste splatter and smudge marks on the mirrors and our sinks are old and just seem to have a film to them. So, add in toothpaste buildup or if Hubby shaves and gets tiny hairs everywhere. ick. The kids like to help with the mirrors. I used to love helping clean mirrors when I was little. I’d take lipstick and write notes or pictures on them first and then clean them. weird, huh? And dusting. I used to love dusting when I was little even though I was allergic. Now, does it count when you run your sleeve over the table or use a sock? I wipe surfaces down regularly, because we have a lot of black furniture and it shows up, but I don’t always get the Pledge out and move objects to really get the whole shelf like I should.

We generate a lot of trash and I take that out from the kitchen a lot, but it’s less often that I gather trash from all of the little bathroom trashcans upstairs.

I HATE scrubbing tubs, so I don’t do it really much at all. When it gets bad, I get a washcloth and use my foot to rub it around while I’m taking a shower! pretty sad, huh?

Pop the cork

2009-08-11T09:17:00.003-04:00

Today is a big day: the youngest barmaid, Niki, joins us in the ranks of thirtysomething and turns the big 3-0! So, please join us in the comments with your virtual gifts for her. It may be the awesome trip like she's been dreaming of for years (and is actually planning!) Or perhaps some great Rafa memorabilia (his sweaty shirt that actually grazed those abs?) or even tickets to a match (which she may be experiencing already as well!) or while we are delivering big ticket items, why not just Rafa himself? It's hard to top those gifts, but some yoga, chocolate or wine are part of the little daily things that would make her day, so please take a moment to pick out your gift as we have a rocking party here at the bar.
Way to go girl to make sure you celebrate and make things you want to happen happen!

Disgust-Driven, Strictly As-Needed Cleaning

2009-08-11T09:00:00.000-04:00

I know you’re dying to know how often Pen, the founder and Manager of a busy company, orders her staff to do the following.

Vacuum: I kind of hate vacuuming, although lately I’ve been trying to look at it as a meditative practice. It’s not really working out. Mainly because of the Canine Staff and their excessive shedding problem, our house has to be vacuumed about once a week. Usually, J.Lo does it on Sundays, mainly because he is faster at it. The children hate the vacuum, screaming, crying, and slamming doors in fright whenever it’s brought out, making it kind of an ordeal. Whatever. It gets done.

Clean toilets: Just like Ruby, ideally once a week, but let’s be honest. It’s when I can’t stand looking at the filth anymore. Living by the beach, our bathroom filth usually involves mold.

Clean bathtubs: As needed, like when it’s visibly, tangibly dirty and I can no longer avert my eyes or ignore the grit under my feet.

Clean sinks (bathroom/kitchen): As needed, like when my annoyance for toothpaste and hard water buildup outweighs my laziness. Half of the kitchen sink is covered by a drainer for clean, already-washed dishes, but every once in awhile, its own filth catches my eye and I have to clean it. Which grosses me out, really, because it’s CLEAN dishes hanging out in there. Why so dirty? P.S. I sprinkle table salt on the kitchen sinks and scrub with water. It works well.

Clean mirrors: I clean the bathroom mirror whenever I clean the sink. All other mirrors, when I dust the room they are in, which you will soon see is almost never.

Clean out the microwave: When I put something in there to microwave and the plate/cup/whatever comes back in my hand greasy. Usually from bacon on Sundays. Ew. Or whenever I’ve defrosted something saucy, and it’s splattered, and I can’t stand looking at it anymore

Clean the oven/stovetop: Eh. I do wipe it down after cooking usually, which is almost daily. Absolutely if something has been fried, because there will be oil splatters. But, we have a flat cook top, and it will never, ever be as clean as the flat cook tops they show in the kitchens on House Hunters. (A lot of houses on House Hunters have our stove, strangely.) I hear that if anything sugary boils over and then cooks on there, you’re pretty much doomed to live with it forever.

Clean the counters: Also like Ruby, pretty much every day. I’m proud of our countertops, which are black granite tile, and I like to keep them shiny.

Clean windows: Yeah, like never. My mom mentions the need every now and then, and one time we cleaned them all for the outside. The blue moon shone that night. In the meanwhile, spiders spin webs and catch bugs in the space between our kitchen window and outdoor screen. That’s nature, kids!

Mop floors: It’s a semi-annual occasion. In-between, addressing food spills, that’s what dogs are for.

Change the sheets on the bed: Either when one of the children leaks pee on them, which happens more often then I’d like, or when I think huh, I don’t remember the last time these were changed, and I should probably do it soon before we encourage bed bugs to take up residence here.

Change out towels: Fairly regularly. I do not like smelly towels, either.

Dust: I really hate dusting, always have, always will. Lately my three-year-old has remarked, “This is dusty.” Yesssss, I know. It’s on the to-do list. For tomorrow.

Laundry: As needed. Which is a LOT!

Load/unload dishwasher: Ugh, another hated chore! I don’t even know why, since it takes all of three minutes! That’s the unloading. Loading, I do quite often, as I don’t mind washing the dishes, really. It makes me feel like, at least something is clean, neat and organized. Between that and the countertops, there is an eye to this hurricane.

Other? I take out the trash when it smells or is overfilled. I clean the fish tank when the water level has evaporated so much that the filter is louder than the TV, which I can’t stand. I put out a small bowl of vinegar after we’ve cooked fish or burned something, to absorb the odor quickly. Overall, I would say our house is relatively neat and organized, of which I’m proud, but it’s not necessarily scrubbed and gleaming. Currently, I can blame my company of small children on this fact, but it’s not like it was any different before I had kids. I kind of wish I kept things sparkling, but the amount of time and effort required? I’d like to think I’ve got better things to do, even if that’s not necessarily true. Also, I don’t mind the house looking lived-in, as opposed to sterile… Besides which, if I did clean a whole bunch, I’d be sorely disappointed within minutes, since I run a household of mess-makers. Kids and dogs? Please.

Justifying too much? I thought so. All right. I’m out.

Dirty Girl: Ruby

2009-08-10T12:53:00.005-04:00

If I absolutely have to fess up to this kind of thing, which is not something that I like to do, then under complete duress I will admit that I'm a dirty, dirty girl. For reals. (Hasn't Andria forced me to confess other dirty secrets before? She might be a bit sadistic, I think.)

Sooooo.... My cleaning habits? Right.

Here's the long (ok, pretty much the short) of how often I undertake these particular chores:

vacuum - typically once a week, but not every room in the house - unused or barely used rooms get vacuumed less, we'll just say

clean toilets - Ideally, once a week. Actually, once every two weeks or as they are deemed too disgusting

clean bathtubs - not until I totally make myself sick with the heinous state of nasty

clean sinks - um, I don't know!

clean mirrors - every couple of weeks

clean out the microwave - when it's too gross to continue using or something blows up in it

clean the oven/stovetop - when I make a mess cooking

clean the counters - yea, something I do regularly! almost every day

clean windows - never

mop floors - when it happens, it's with a Swiffer - I'd love to say once a week but that would be a lie

change the sheets on the bed - I did this yesterday - before that? who knows

change out towels - yea, another thing I do regularly! Our bathroom has terrible air flow and towels get musty fast - every couple of days, I think

dust - never to the never-th degree. I absolutely HATE dusting!

laundry - I NEVER STOP DOING LAUNDRY!

load/unload dishwasher - every other day

other:

pick up random shit that gets strewn around the house - constantly

pick up mail and my shit that is all over the counters - the day after tomorrow (read: never)

I feel as though I should be clear on something within this nasty admission of my slovenly ways: If I know that someone is coming over, I will clean the house top to bottom. Maybe I need to have people come over more often? Like every day? This post reminds me of a show that I discovered on BBC America called How Clean Is Your House? It's awesome, and makes me feel better about myself because at least I'm not as bad as THEY are!
It's all about the enabling, y'all, all about enabling.

Cleaning up our act

2009-08-09T20:06:00.002-04:00

We're getting squeaky clean this week at the bar and discussing our cleaning regimens. If you've been with us for any amount of time, you know that some of us are cleaner than others. We've aired our dirty laundry before and now we have a laundry list of household chores we'll be honestly detailing our routines on. We may even confess the chores we despise and the ones we secretly enjoy doing. So, snap on your rubber gloves and start scrubbing! Or don't, if that's not your thing.

On the House Read

2009-08-05T21:00:00.000-04:00

I’m so glad I’m back on Twitter because otherwise I would have missed out on news of this free-for-a-month download of Uglies. This one’s been on my to-read list for awhile. I really can’t vouch for the quality, but it seems to be popular amongst the teen set, so obviously it’s my speed. And, I know I could get it from the library, but it’s one of those waiting list things, which means I’ll have to hurry up and return it... Anyway, it’s another series, and here is the enticing blurb:

Uglies is set in a world in which everyone has an operation when they turn sixteen, making them supermodel beautiful. Big eyes, full lips, no one fat or skinny. You might think this is a good thing, but it’s not. Especially if you’re one of the Smokies, a bunch of radical teens who’ve decided they want to keep their own faces. (How anti-social of them.)

Uglies is a trilogy-plus-one, with Extras being a “companion novel” and told from a different point of view. All four Uglies books have been New York Times bestsellers!

Ooo. Creepy pretty people. I’m in.

Summer Reading

2009-08-05T19:48:00.001-04:00

My sister kickstarted my summer reading by recommending a young adult fiction series called Percy Jackson and the Twelve Olympians. I read the first one, The Lightening Thief, in about 24 hours and my niece recently loaned me the second. It's like Harry Potter meets the Greek gods. So far they don't seem to have the depth of HP, but nonetheless they are enjoyable, likable, and fun to brush up on Greek mythology. Highly recommended for a beach read.

On the plane to Florida this past weekend I was on a row with two other women, who did not know each other, who immediately began discussing the Sookie Stackhouse books as soon as they sat down. I eased my way into the conversation, pulled out Book 1 from my purse, and said, "Are you guys talking about the True Blood books?" The woman sitting next to me had a fit and grabbed her bag. She hands over Book 2 and says, "Here, you'll need this. I'll save you a 1am trip to Wal-Mart." I was slightly skeptical, but Charlaine Harris has created a nifty little vampire tale in her novels. They are part mystery, part romance, part supernatural. Some of it seems played out since Twilight, but I think Ms. Harris' books came out first (someone want to correct me on that?), and they are far, far, far more well-written. I've been dying to watch the series, but I think I'll read a few more books first. Almost done with Dead Until Dark and can't wait to jump into the second. Another awesome beach read. (In fact, my friend Rachel read all 9 during a 7-day stay at the beach. Impressive.)

For those that want something a little more substantial, my next read (after Sookie Stackhouse Book 2) is going to be Ishmael. I read this book just as I was graduating college, and it is one of the few books to have a profound effect on me. It's sort of a book on a philosophy of life and living, but it's a novel told through the story of a gorilla and a man. I know, sounds preposterous and awful, but I remember not being able to put it down. Now it's eight years later, and I want to read it again, see if still holds true to me, read it with a more critical mind. Also, I've recommended it to several people recently, and in case they read it, I want to be able to speak intelligently about this book that supposedly changed my life.

The MBS

2009-08-04T23:00:00.000-04:00

This week, the Smartini barmaids are talking to their patrons about what they should read.

I’m having trouble coming up with anything profound or interesting to say about The Mysterious Benedict Society that hasn’t already been said by ash. And, well, I’m just going to be shameless and quote her here:

It reminded me a bit of Harry Potter - the way unlikely friendships are rendered, the inherent battle between good and evil and the position that children are far more clever and reliable than what they seem. (Now, Potter fans, I'm in no way indicating that the boy wizard has been equaled, but without any more trips to Hogwarts, I have to read something...). The great thing about The Mysterious Benedict Society is that it's got that same quality of an unlikely reality rendered in the real world - it's not a mystical fairy land. It also plays into - as I've discussed before - that secret hope we all harbor that we are more than we seem.

While some of the books themes read benignly enough in a children's book, they're positively ominous to me. A machine called the Whisperer that can control your thoughts? The Waiting Room, whose indescribable horror is never fully described. And the thought that - in order to be happy - we could ignore the world's problems, let go of hope, and embrace ambivalence. It's enough to make you think.

I recently re-read Harry Potter’s 6, 7, and 5, in that order, and after reading any HP, I always find it difficult to move on. But, The MBS so far has done the trick for me as well. Read it. You won’t regret meeting Reynie Muldoon and his friends Sticky Washington, Kate Wetherall, and Constance Contraire.

Oh, one cool factoid, not about the author, but the illustrator of these books (there are soon to be three): she illustrated for the band The Decemberists as well. It’s pretty easy to see the connection, and makes the books that much cooler.

And we simply must end with

2009-08-01T08:30:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Boop boop be doop, boop!

2009-07-31T12:58:00.003-04:00

I don't really go to YouTube that often, but I like it because when I do, I'm usually looking for something obscure and can find it. Like, when I was looking for some old Betty Boop cartoons because I had a conversation with my 3 year old daughter about her and realized I didn't know what I was talking about because I'd never actually seen a cartoon. Or when I want to go see a routine from So You Think You Can Dance to share because I just loved it so much. It's grainy, so you won't get the full effect because their faces really portray a lot of the emotion of this piece, but it gives me chills. It's from a previous season and was nominated for an Emmy, so the dancers came back on last night's results show to perform it again and it was even more powerful. And there's a part in the opening credits from the routine and every time I see it, I am reminded of the powerful emotion from the performance. I just think it's that good. And it makes me happy, in a sad kind of way, to see it. And share it with you.

youtube happiness

2009-07-28T15:11:00.002-04:00

Dearest YouTube:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

1. For re-living great moments in television (this one's for you, nik):

2. For letting me waste countless hours of the day laughing at news bloopers (if you don't laugh at this, something is wrong with you):

3. And, for reminding me how much I miss President Bartlet, Leo, CJ, Josh, and Charlie:

I bring you… the Barrel Monster

2009-07-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

I really cannot express how awesome I think this is. Too bad the artist totally got charged for his creation.

There’s an entire fan page for the Barrel Monster on Facebook, with this recent contribution. It’s not terribly clever, but I ask you, who can get enough of Tom Cruise’s maniacal laughter, paired with a stop-animation of the Barrel Monster eating a small city. Not me.

Boats Make Me Happy

2009-07-27T16:50:00.004-04:00

It makes me happy that even though I had only heard of 'I'm On A Boat,' I can count on MY MOTHER to send me the You Tube link because she thinks it's funny. How awesome is that?!

Her email, and I quote: "ha ha ha! 'I got my flippy floppies'!"

This is NSFW, y'all, and I mean it. Which makes it even more awesome that my mom sent it to me.

"Poseidon, look at me!"

Make You Happy

2009-07-26T10:22:00.000-04:00

Unless you live under a rock, or have a life that doesn't involve mainstream TV or the internet (to which I'd say kudos), you probably saw this video.

You have a cold, dead heart if this video doesn't give you the warm & fuzzies. I, for one, cannot stop watching it (or secretly planning my own version for my fake wedding).

This week we're sharing other things that make us happy. And a Youtube video. Because Youtube videos are awesome.