Picking Teams 7:00 AM

So I've been re-watching Sex and the City and midway through Season 4, I'm still Team Aidan. In fact, I am so staunchly Team Aidan, that I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone is Team Big. Well, let me clarify. I'm Team Anti-Big, and Aidan is so damn hot in Season 4, and he's waaaaaay more my type than Big, ergo I heart him above all others. I digress. This got me thinking. Most girls are Team Big. What the hell am I missing? What is wrong with me?

So today's post is about choosing sides, or rather, choosing boys. We've all been there - two guys fighting for our undying love and devotion.  Countless nights making pro/con lists and comparing them. Who gets the rose? It's important to make the right choice. Rather than air our dirty laundry (although by all means go ahead if you want!),  I've selected a few well-known boy battles in pop culture. Tell me your pick and why. **NOTE: I'll be as vague as possible, but beware spoilers if you're being super protective of that kind of thing.**

1. Big v. Aidan, Sex and the City - Where to begin? Obvs, I'm Team Aidan as mentioned two paragraphs ago. Big is an ass to Carrie, and don't give me the "Paris forgives everything" crap. Personally, I don't think Big is hot; Aidan is sexy as hell, especially the Season 4 version. He treats Carrie well and is nice to her friends. HELLO - going to check on Miranda when she called about her back and being ever-so-gentlemanly that he covers her up when she's lying naked on the floor. Would Big do this? Doubt it. I get that maybe his and Carrie's personalities don't mesh, as is evidenced by the country house, so I'm willing to admit that maybe Aidan isn't necessarily the perfect match for Carrie. Nevertheless, he's better than Big for her, and he and I would be two peas in a pod. Aidan, call me.

2. Edward v. Jacob, the Twilight saga - Apparently there are other Team Jacob-ers that exist, but I've yet to meet one in person. We are a rare breed. It is difficult to argue, based on the text, that Bella & Jacob "belong" together more than Bella & Edward. However. B/E get on my damn nerves. They don't do anything together except act in love, stare all googley-eyed at one another, and profess undying devotion. BLAH. B/J have fun. They do crazy stuff and laugh and talk about things. Oh, and Jacob didn't leave Bella alone in the woods suicidally depressed. Hmmm. Which relationship would I rather be in? No contest - let's go ride motorcycles! Also, to be with Jacob forever and ever I wouldn't have to become a vampire. Bonus.

3. Noel v. Ben, Felicity - Ben. Ben. Ben. A million times. Ben. Noel is too needy and doesn't have enough edge. Also, Ben is H-O-T.

4. Brandon v. Dylan, Beverly Hills 90210 - Ok, I kind of quit watching by the time this became a real issue for Kelly Taylor, but even at the beginning of the show there was a definite divide between girls that preferred Dylan to girls that preferred Brandon. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I'd pick the bad boy, Dylan. So brooding. So James Dean. So surfer-y. Again, Brandon was a little too goody-goody for me, although way cooler than the real bad boy, Steve.

5. McSteamy v. McDreamy, Grey's Anatomy - Yes, I know no one has to choose between them, but come on. Who'd you rather? Whose t-shirt would you wear?  I think I'm going against type here and picking McDreamy. Yeah, McSteamy is the bad boy and in real life I'd probably go for him, mainly because the real-life McDreamy would be all obsessed about some other chick, but McDreamy is a rebel in his own way. And the hair. Oohh, the hair.

6. Ashley v. Rhett, Gone with the Wind - This one is for Ruby because I'm pretty sure she hasn't seen the other 5. Wait. Did she read Twilight?? Anyway. Team Rhett. Duh. Does Team Ashley even exist?

Ok, ladies. Who'd you pick, and who'd I miss?

They have golf and strip clubs. We have Smartini. 11:16 PM

This week's bar theme will be every (straight) girl's favorite subject:  BOYS.  Each day will be a new boy-related topic - real, fictional, or celebrity - thrown out by this barmaid who has burning issues that must be discussed!

A teaser: Monday we're kicking off with a controversial debate you won't want to miss. Obama v. McCain has got nothin' on this contest. Be there.

Weekend Shift 4:08 PM

I wasn’t able to come in this week, so I picked up an extra weekend shift. Sorry to keep you waiting!

I don’t know what happened to seeqpod.com where I used to be able to go and listen to songs and then include them in posts. And I can’t get Imeem to play any songs, even though I went through the entire sign up process (did NOT want to do that, but wanted to have some music, damnit!)

I don’t have anything fancy on my phone (heck, I don’t even have a text plan, people, ok?!) but if I were to pick songs for the different people in my life, I might have the following (not sure if this link to a playlist will work or not, but I tried):

Hubby:

A Little Less Conversation by Elvis Presley

Sister:

You Can Call Me Al by Paul Simon because we would dance around with our dad to this song growing up.

Mom:

Georgia Bulldog Fight Song

Ruby:

Whip it! Whip it good. . . because she definitely cracks that whip and keeps us in line, no?

 

My former boss had a ring tone that would make my co-worker and my skin crawl because we hated hearing it so much. It rang all the time in the office and inevitably always when he’d stepped into his “other office” as we referred to the bathroom, so we’d have to hear the entire ring until VM picked up. If we were at lunch and heard another phone with the same ring, we both experienced a slight twitch.

For Ruby 12:22 PM

Please accept this video as my apology for not showing up for my work shift this week.

Pass the remote—I mean, my phone? 9:30 PM

I love ringtones in theory, but in actuality, I don’t have anything special on my phone. Maybe they are kind of like a tattoo, and I just can’t commit… granted, ringtones cost much less and aren’t nearly as permanent. But, I feel like when I do window-shop for ringtones, they are always inspired by TV. On one phone, I used to have (shockingly!) the theme from The Office. I tried sending it to my new phone to use again, because I loved it so as a ringtone, but the phone won’t let me apply it. Bastard. So instead I have something plain and boring and half the time when it goes off, I’m all, “What is that…? Oh yeah, it’s my phone.” And then it’s a mad dash to locate it, as usual, before VM kicks in.

My husband once had the SNL theme, and currently uses the theme from 30 Rock. Rad.

When choosing TV ringtones, you’ve got to go with something that you really don’t mind hearing over and over again. For instance, I enjoy the Psych theme song, but do I want to hear it every time the phone rings? I do not. I’m thinking lyrics are probably not preferable, overall.

Several phones ago, I had the Grey’s Anatomy theme song, which I don’t even think they play anymore on the show, but at the time, it made a great ringtone. But on the next phone, when I installed it again, it wouldn’t play loudly enough, even with the volume jacked up to 7. I’m still confused about that.

Speaking of confusion, sometimes when you pick a TV theme for a ringtone, and then that actual show comes on TV, you’re not sure what it is you’re hearing, and often find yourself running to the phone. And then the TV. And then the phone again. It helps to cut back on the drinking if you find yourself really confused in this situation.

Please leave more TV-themes-as-ringtone suggestions in comments, as I’m looking for ideas. Also helpful would be some technical assistance on how to install said ringtone on a phone, ideally without having to pay for it. Because I like withholding as much money as is humanly possible from the evil corporations who lord over the telecommunications industry, even if it is only $2.50. (And, as you can see, I’m not even technically proficient enough to embed most of the sound files, like I had envisioned, here in this post.) Thanks in advance. xoxo.

Naughty Barmaids 6:16 PM

The ring tones of all of the other Smartini Girls EXCEPT ME:

WERE YOU AT - DJ D MAN

The Missing - Filter

And finally...

Go To Work Wasted - Nofx

COME TO WORK, LADIES, even if you're wasted!

Who's Calling? 12:44 AM

If your friendly Smartini barmaids were calling you right now, what would it sound like? Would you have a special ring tone for each one of us? Or maybe one for us as a whole, like:

I Love This Bar - Toby Keith

I'm digging the idea of 'I Love This Bar!' Unfortunately, we don't always get to choose what our call sounds like to others, though, do we? No we do not. Because if we did I certainly wouldn't choose for my call to be identified by this song:

If I Had $1000000 - Barenaked Ladies

Although, now that I think about it, I do like the song and am very, very poor, so it's actually kind of perfect. But still! Why couldn't my ring tone to others be something awesome like:

Girls - The Beastie Boys


Technically I don't have a customized ring tone for my phone or the people that call me. Once I tried out Dixieland Delight and Margaritaville (random, much?) but found that I couldn't get the perfect balance between being able to hear it and annoying the crap out of everyone within a 1 mile radius. I also tried to make my husband's ring tone an audio clip from Blazing Saddles "Excuse me while I whip this out," because that movie is hi-larious and makes us both laugh. But again, I couldn't ever hear it and was afraid that *some* people wouldn't think it was near as funny as I did.

If I was one to have a custom ring tone for the people in my phone book, they would fall out something like this:

Husband

Western Skies - Chris LeDoux

Mom

Boat Drinks - Jimmy Buffett

Tempe

Centerfold - J. Geils Band Um, you'll have to ask her because I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING about why this song makes me think of her.


Niki

Im On A Boat - The Lonely Island Timely and relevant.


Andria

Good Hearted Woman - Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson The first song that Andria and her Hubby heard as man and wife, which I think is freaking awesome.

Penelope

Better Together - Jack Johnson Hopefully Pen won't call me very often since I be lulled to sleep by this ring tone rather than answer the phone. Actually, I have no idea if she even likes this song (?) - I was purely operating off of the phrase 'coma music' and this is what I came up with.

AND FINALLY...

Edward Cullen

Love Bites - Def Leppard Predictable, yet oh-so-good. Especially because the first words are 'when we make love...' Yes, please.