For all of you Facebookers 1:13 PM

I am not one of you, you Facebook fiends, but I thought that y'all would get a kick out of this:

I need your feedback: Who's With Me? 6:34 PM

Halloween is coming, and in that spirit I want to get your thoughts on a very serious subject:

The safety of little children dressed as ghosts running through the streets? No.

The will power required to not scarf down a whole bowl of Halloween candy? Important, but not this time.

The intricacies of hand-making a delicate angel costume to showcase your pure qualities? Um, that'd be a NO.

What I need to hear from you about is the tendency for women to take Halloween as a carte blanche to wear costumes that are a tad bit more, let's say, revealing, than their normal attire. I mean, what kind of closet hooker participates in this activity?!

I know y'all know what I'm talking about, and I would really like to hear your thoughts on these trashy women.

Women like this one who isn't the thinnest girl in the world but apparently decided that she needed to be Strawberry Shortcake at a Halloween party one year. And that she needed to wear shoes that had absolutely no bearing on the outfit, she just wanted to wear heels. And look like stripper. And she may or may not be drunk in this photo, as she is being held up by her Pope husband. Who is holding her SS hat in his hand (so you can imagine how damn cute she was earlier in the evening).

WOMEN LIKE ME HER.


Discuss.

(This was a few year and a few pounds ago. I will not be wearing this getup this year. But I still may be a closet hooker. Maybe.)

Let’s go to the Movies 12:15 AM

My most recent trip to the theater was to see the Toy Story double feature in 3D with my kids - my son’s first-ever time at the movies. It was only in theaters for 2 weeks* and was a [mostly] great experience, even if Little Man came away with some injuries thanks to folding seats and darkness.

Prior to this outing, I went to the theater back in July to see Up in 3D with my daughter for her first-ever theater going experience.

The time before that. . was February of 2007, I believe, when I went with my former co-worker and boss during the day to see Music & Lyrics with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. I remember this experience as the first time I realized I might be pregnant again, because I got VERY dizzy riding in the back of my boss’ truck and had to lay down across the seats. Yeah, don’t really remember too much about the movie itself, if that tells you anything about it, sadly.

I also remember going to see X-men with my co-worker and boss one time a couple of years ago and before that was Spider-man (the original) on my honeymoon 7+ years ago in Asheville, NC!

Clearly, I don’t go to the theater much anymore and given the ticket prices ($10 MATINEE?) it’s understandable! There are movies I would like to see on the big screen, though. Like Harry Potter. I sadly don’t have any girlfriends nearby to catch it with. I’d LOVE to also go see New Moon coming out soon. But, I need to see the first movie first. I’m excited about Toy Story 3 coming out (*the reason I am sure they are building up interest again) I wish they’d do another Monsters, Inc. It’s a cute movie and clearly leaves it open for a sequel. I’m sure it’s silly, and probably more of a rental (although those prices are pretty steep these days, too, no?) but I’d like to see The Proposal. I’ve heard mixed reviews, but I like Sandra Bullock and think it would be a light, cotton candy type of movie. I can handle those types every now and then, if I know what I’m going to get. I’m sure there are others that if I looked into, I would want to see, but since I’m most likely not going to fork over the money or take the time with my already backlogged DVR roll and online watching, I don’t look into it further. I do love movies, just don’t have much time for them anymore.

Do YouTube videos count as movies? 1:24 PM

Remember when Ruby introduced us to the beautiful music parody, "I'm On a Boat?"  Well, I do. It has been a source of comfort and good times for me ever since.

Check out this take on it, which had me laughing out loud (or lol, as the tweeps say).



Please excuse me while I go watch it one more time before I gotta go back to work.

Movie Night at the Bar 1:21 AM

We’ve got popcorn (do you like it drowning in the oil they call butter?) with our drinks this week as we’ll be discussing movies we’ve actually seen in the theater (some recently and some in a distant, other-life past) as well as ones we can’t wait to go see (or wish we had gone to see on the big screen).

Let us know:  if we had a movie premiere night at the bar, what would you want to see?

Let's Save the World! (and the Whales :) 10:04 PM

Like Ruby, I'm pretty much a sucker for whatever charity someone is desperately trying to raise funds for in a given moment. I tend to veer toward animal and environmental charities naturally, but throw a video of a sick kid or homeless person in front of me, and I'll give you whatever I can.

My favorite charity of the moment is the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust - see the video below, featuring Edward Norton. It gets me every time. (and dude, he's never been hotter than in this video when he uses the phrase "terrestrial biodiversity" - because I'm nerdy like that)



I'm also a HUGE fan of Donors Choose, where you can select among a gillion different school projects for underfunded school programs. You just gotta click the link and check it out to really appreciate it. It rocks. Trust.

Last but not least, The Animal Rescue Site - which partners with The Hunger Site and several other "sites" featuring literacy, breast cancer research, rainforest conservation, and children's health. What's cool about these sites is that you don't have give any money - just clicking helps each cause. (So click every day!)  What's even cooler is that they have products you can buy which help fund each particular site's cause, or even just donate to random things like...

* Feed an orphaned baby elephant (click link for pics)

* Feed a Haitian student for a year

or

* Liberate girls from indentured servitude

The list is endless. And now I wish I was Richie Rich so I could give all my money away. Really, though, it doesn't always take cash to make a difference. Sometimes a smile or helping hand to someone having a bad day can make someone's life better. Like Ben Harper says, we can change the world with our Own Two Hands.

Make it a double 11:04 PM

My charity of choice at the moment is Kohl’s Cares for Kids.

If you are lazy It’s really simple – all stores have displays at all entrances/exits of merchandise – and who can’t find something at Kohl’s? It’s convenient for me to have these opportunities in places I’m already dragging the kids to shopping at. If you are cheap It’s only $5 and if you are greedy the stuff you get is is really good; great books and stuffed animals. And not just some random books or animals, the books are good, popular books like Dr. Seuss and the animals are characters from the books, which is exciting and relatable for kids.  They are really soft, too, not cheaply made. They really make great gifts – I’ve seen several given at baby showers, birthday parties, etc. It’s a little vague about where specifically the money goes, but I believe it does serve the local communities and claims 100% of the net profits goes to the programs (but how much net profit is there on $5? I don’t know.) I just like the convenience, the fact that you get something in return and the quality of what you get. It’s a twofer: feel good and get goods, so be sure to buy a round.

Taking care of business 7:30 PM

I have two orders of business to take care of today:

1) to tell you about a charity that is near and dear to me

and

2) to tell you about something else that is hi-larious and potentially embarrassing

So, first things first. I can't say that I have been a true advocate for one particular charity, per se, because I tend to give small amounts all across the board. Usually when I hear of a fundraiser to benefit one charity or another I will instantly feel compelled to give because at that moment, I had never been more moved upon hearing the plight of the North Antarctic Blue Snake With Wings. But truly, the charities that I will give to without fail (if I can) are the ones that benefit children. The March of Dimes is one that gets my empathy flowing every single time. St. Jude's is another. If there are children who need my help, then by gosh I'm going to give it. North Antarctic Blue Snakes With Wings can wait until another day!

Ok, now that the real business is out of the way, I need to steer this ship askew for a moment. A late breaking development at my house has the Ruby family selling one of our long loved vehicles, my 15 year old Explorer. The first vehicle that I bought all on my own. The vehicle that I brought both of my girls home from the hospital in. The vehicle that moved to Kansas with us and then faithfully moved back. Now the old girl (because I'm pretty sure that it's a girl) is nearing the end of her lifespan and most likely won't make it on another cross country adventure, so we needed to sell her.

It all came about rather quickly, the vehicle selling. So quickly that my husband had to clean out the Explorer that I have owned for 10 years, instead of me. When I saw the pile of stuff that came out of it, there was one thing that stood out among the rest. And then my husband says 'Guess what I found?! A MIX TAPE that has your name on it. 'Ruby's Tape.'' Oh hell. I have only ever had one mix tape made for me, and that was way back in my freshman year of high school. I guess I had put it in the center console of the Explorer back in the day and I haven't thought about for years.

The only song that I remember being on that tape is Desperado by The Eagles. (Think older senior boy who had a thing for freshman girl but freshman girl was not interested in more than friendship.) BUT WHAT ELSE COULD BE ON THE TAPE?!

I'll give you a little while to make your guesses and then I will listen to said tape and reveal its contents.

This is going to be good. Or really, really bad. I can't decide.

God Bless The early '90's.

And have mercy on me.

we're givers, y'all. 9:56 AM

So it's Breast Cancer Awareness month, and barmaid Andi has a great idea. Let's give a shout out to our favorite charities, in the hopes of spreading goodwill throughout the bar.

Do you break for squirrels? The barmaids will tell you about their favorite charity for our furry friends. Do you believe, like (the pre-crack addicted) Whitney Houston, that the children are our future? Then hopefully our girls will give you info on their chosen kid-centered cause.

It's time to give back, ladies! Drinks on the house!

The Big 3-0! 8:46 AM

Happy happy happy birthday to our last barmaid to bid adieu to her 20s.  Happy 30th Tempe!!

Please join me in raising a glass (or 7) in her honor.

And now, a request and dedication, old-school style. Temp, if I still had my little red convertible, I'd drive up to see you and we'd kick it like we were 16 again!



Which song would you ask Casey Casem to play for our Temp?

Exactly 2:09 PM

Clamshell Bonus 1:37 AM

With my extra clams, I’d get my (desperately needed dose of) retail therapy in the following ways:

~new kicks for running. I know we’re not supposed to get things we *need* but if Niki gets to pick out yoga mats and pants, then I get to keep shoes on my list. Maybe even two pair, since I supposedly technically should have different types for running versus taking my kickboxing class at the gym?

~cute clothes for myself and the kids. I’d love some good boots, tights, skirts, skirts and sweater dresses – and the body to pull them off, please (ok, so I know that goes waaay beyond the bonus, but a girl can dream, right?). And fun places to wear them to. I kind of have a thing for coats, so another one wouldn’t hurt, right? I especially love the jewel blue color that’s popular this season. I can’t justify spending this kind of money, unless it’s pretend and then I go a little crazy.

~fix my CD player in the car or get XM radio.

~new laptop just for me. with LOTS of storage for my pictures.

So, I may be over my limit, but who’s really counting? Even just one of these would make me happy as a clam.

Clamshell Fairy > Tooth Fairy 10:20 PM

Not that I've been thinking about this or anything, but I'd probably buy:

This yoga mat, $70

New yoga pants, perhaps like these, $55

A bike, $??

Tennis racquet, $??

Tennis coach, $??

Wine, $??

Clamshell fairy, I'm way grateful and don't mean to be greedy, but I'm also gonna need some new boots, sweater dresses, and suits for work. If one of the other bartenders doesn't make her shift, can I get her $500?

Clammin' Up 6:28 PM

(I'd appreciate it if y'all would not take notice of how late I am showing up. Thank you.)

So I have these $500 clamshells, see? And it doesn't take me very long to spend, spend, spend!

First things first: the de-masculinization of a cat that recently adopted our family

Second thing: the feeding and immunization of a dog that recently adopted our family (I kid you not - two strays within a matter of weeks)

Third thing: Shoes. And cute, cheap jewelry.

Fourth: A NEW COACH PURSE. Yes!

And finally, with whatever is left after the first four: Suave Clinical Strength deodorant for everyone! It works like a dream (since I have professed my need for a deo that can than get the job done) and is only $4.99! Yippee!

Geek Support 4:00 PM

I am so very happy about our recent clamshell bonus here at the bar, which incidentally is the best place of employment EVER. Five hundred smackers! What will I do?

Easy: I’m buying theater tickets.

That’s right, I’m (apparently) a theater geek. I used to classify a very small handful of musicals as watchable, such as Annie, and Grease, and White Christmas. Then I met Mamma Mia! and it was all over. Until I went to my very first Broadway show last month, The Lion King, and then it was really, really over. I *heart* the theater and don’t care who knows it! (Ruby. Don’t judge.)

So, I’m going to take my 500 clamshells from the Clamshell Fairy and buy theater tickets for some Broadway production here in our state. And, since I can’t choose, and because I don’t mind sitting in the nosebleed section, I’m going to buy tickets for every single one that interests me. Screw choosing, I’m going for it all: Mamma Mia! Annie. Mary Poppins. Wicked. Beauty and the Beast. Cinderella. Grease. And Phantom. That should do for now. I’m only sad that tickets to Legally Blond aren’t available in the 2010 season.

What exactly has come over my snarky self with this newly found theater love? I have no idea. It has simply become clear to me that the world would be a much better place if we all broke into song and choreographed dance numbers at regular intervals.

Thanks, Clamshell Fairy! xoxoxoxo, pen

Someone Forgot To Set the Alarm 8:39 AM

Last week's discussions of clamshells (or lack thereof) clearly upset our bartenders.  Please excuse our tardiness, as a four-day bender was obviously called for to deal with the situation. 

Because we don't like to live in reality, this week we'll be engaging in a little bit of escapism.  A magical clamshell fairy has gifted us $500 each to "spend" at our leisure.  She said we weren't allowed to use it for loans, and it would serve her fairy purpose if we didn't use it for something we need.

Come join the shopping spree as we tell you what we'd buy if clamshell fairies truly existed!

Making [hard] Lemonade 10:39 AM

*A year ago tomorrow I was called into my boss’ office and let go due to financial times after 7 years. The only job I knew, straight from college. Insurance gone. Income gone. But, we’ve managed and it’s been one of the best years spending time with my kids and getting to do a lot of fun things together.

*In April, the tree fell and knocked off 3 stories of decking. But, the house was saved, no one was hurt and the reworked deck and patio and driveway extension are just awesome.

*Last Monday, we had torrential rains again after 10 days worth of heavy 10+ inches of rain and while the creek in our backyard flooded and rushed over it’s banks, I was thankful we lived up on a hill. Except, we live in the middle of a hill, so water was still coming down from up above us, collecting at the house and apparently the ground was too saturated to handle it, so the basement leaked and seeped through the carpet in the closet (containing a LOT of junk) and out into the finished room. But, we managed to get things out before they were ruined and pulled up half of the carpet and got things dried out. We weren’t in love with the carpet and had gotten some tile on a big sale years ago. It’s just a matter of time and clamshells to really replace everything.

*Last Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat. But, I had a doctor’s appointment already scheduled that morning to follow up on some medicine and the kids set up for day care for a couple of hours. I tested positive for Strep throat?! But, caught it early enough that it didn’t get horrible with unbearable pain. And thankfully, I think I was spared passing it on to my family.

*Monday both of my kids got sick and threw up. One in the car seat on the ride home. ick. But, thankfully, it was short-lived and by Tuesday, we were much improved and Hubby and I managed to escape the same fate. This time. We seem to be getting this gunk every couple of weeks since July! So, please, Universe, we’ve had our share of Winter time bugs during the SUMMER, ok? We don’t need another round this Winter.

*There are plenty of trivial things that add up at times to overwhelm me, but overall, I’m really trying to stay positive and thankful for what we do have. I am trying, but I’m sure many friends think much of these woes seems like a broken record that I keep repeating. Stay positive. Thankful. Even if I did start getting a sore throat again last night and took the last of my antibiotic this morning. It’s enough to make me want to scream. Except my throat hurts.

Help a Sister Out 12:04 AM

Dear Universe,

First of all, I agree with Pen and Ruby. The clamshells, they are problematic, and we need to work on that. In turn, I will agree to not buy so much expensive dark, delicious chocolate. Also, let's really try to hold off on the aches and pains of aging. I know I ran a little longer on the treadmill the other day than normal, but really, 3 days of back/neck cricks is a little MUCH.

Other than this, you're doing ok these days. You have improved 2009 A LOT since the first half, so kudos for that.

Now that I've gotten the gratitude out of the way, I'd like to talk about the crazy. Yes. The Crazy.

You know, the Crazy that comes approximately once a month? Yeah. That one. I quit taking birth control because it exacerbated the Crazy, made it stick around the entire month. And I guess I can see how you think only a few days/one week is a pretty good trade off, but really, it is SO NOT.

My co-workers, friends, semi-significant other don't always know hormones are responsible, and I simply cannot afford to be an irrational, neurotic bitch 5 days a month (60 days a year) on the job/at home/at the bar. I will get fired. I will get dumped. I will lose drinking buddies and become a lonesome alcoholic.

You don't want that, do you?

No. I didn't think so.

So please, for the love of me, tone down the Crazy. I can't take it anymore, and wine is only an acceptable medicine part of the time.

LYLAS,

Niki